Really struggling again

[nutcracker]

Am not coping at all with anything anymore.

Kids, house, life in general, there just isn't one single tiny bit that I like anymore.

[RuthChan]

Hi nutcracker.
How long have you been feeling like this?
Is it prompted by anything in particular or are you just generally feeling run down and under-appreciated?
I'm sure there must be something to like in there somewhere. How old are your kids? Don't they ever do anything cute or funny? Something that makes all the stress and hardwork feel worth while?

[ivelostmyboobsboohoo]

so sorry to hear you are feeling so low .

do you have any idea what might have brought this on?

not sure if i have any advice really as yet but sending you big hugs xxx

[nutcracker]

Yeah they occasionally do something cute and funny but it is massivly outweighed by the screaming, shouting and general misbehaviour that seems to be getting worse and worse.

Have been feeling low for ages but was kinda coping ok with it and trying to make myself be ok. Was applying for jobs, signed up for an OU course and was just generally trying to be more positive, but I can't keep it up anymore.

The house is getting me down as usual, still needs so much doing to it and I just don't have the money of skills and I hate it.

Oh and getting accused of benefit fraud has really hit me hard even though I haven't done it. Just find the thought that someone is out to get me a bit hard to stomach.

I haven't had one single reply to any of the jobs I have applied for and even bloody M&S can't be arsed to get back to me about their lone parents work experiance scheme.

[nutcracker]

My kids are all playing upstairs, don't think they can stand to be around me at the mo as all I do is moan at them.

I have no patience for anything, no interest in anything, nothing to look forward to and if I didn't have to get up to see to the kids then I don't think i'd bother.

[Bugsy2]

nutty, sorry to hear you are feeling so down.
Can you not phone your ex up & get him to babysit for a bit while you get out of the house for bit?
I know that's not really a long term solution - but might make today a bit more bearable.

[nutcracker]

I'm not talking to him at the moment Bugsy for 2 reasons, firstly his mum gave him £150 and out of that he has given me a grand total of £20 'to help out' as he called it. That is all he has contributed since he left.

Secondly it is his family that have rung the social, that I am sure of. Probably irrationally, I have told him that until he sorts them out I don't want to hear from him.

[Bugsy2]

Completely understand your reluctance then Nutty.
When I have a crap day, I often find it helps to get out of the house. Have you got any one o'clock clubs near you that you could go to?
Failing that could you go to a friends or ask a friend over to yours. A fresh face can help.
With regards to the jobs, could you chase up your applications with some phonecalls? Maybe not today if you are feeling blue, but on Monday?

[nutcracker]

Erm local friends are all at work/uni as is my mum today.

Dd's are playing dressing up at the mo and Ds is watching a film so at least they are quiet for now.

I so need to tackle their behaviour problems but I just don't know where to start.

I actually cried this morning because 4 yr old Ds shouted at me to shut up stupid idiot when I asked him to quieten down a bit.
I didn't do anything, didn't even tell him off, don't have the energy and he'd laugh anyway.

We have to go out tommorow as Dd1 has ballet and also needs new school shoes, so that will be fun.
Off to my dads on sunday afternoon so at least I will get a bit of a break then as my brother tends to take control of them then.

[Bugsy2]

Oh hun.
I got lots of really good tips for sorting out behaviour problems after ex-H left me via the Early Years Centre through my GP.
I could give you lots of ideas, but not sure you are mood for that right now.
I can't remember if we've discussed this before, but have you talked to your GP about depression?

[walshvet]

Hi there ,totally know how you feel ,I had post natal depression and it was very like this.
A Go to the doctor,it is a disease,it isnt your fault and dont be ashamed to seek treatment
B The reason the kids seem hard to handle is because they just mirror your behaviour,try to pretend you are positive and you will see they do the same ,try to ignore bad behaviour and overly reward good ,you feel like an idiot and a bit american ,but it helped me and my boys are 95% of the time brilliant company (could still commit murder the other5%though!!),please believe me it helps.
C make a list of say 40 things you need to do in a week ie 1,get kids dressed,2,go shopping.3,do recycling.4,do baking with kids.5,go swimming.6,make dental appointment,7.go to doctor blah blah ,then tick them off day by day ,by the end of the week you will see how much you have acheived .I know it sounds crap but it really does work as the thought of a massive load of stuff to do is daunting ,but loads of little bits make you acheive one thing at a time and if you have a good day you will tick off 10 and you feel really cool.
D
drag yourself and kids out for a walk or some other exercise and take hot orange ,biscuits as a reward when you get there ,you feel better when you get home.
E try to buy no pre-made food ,its bloody expensive and I am convinced all those sat fats and sugars make us low,also the kids like to help make food and fill in time .
F you will get through this ,little by little ,just do a bit more each day and give your kids loads of love ,sorry to be patronising but I think it works and I feel brilliant 95 % of the time now which is a big change xxxxxx

[nutcracker]

walshvet, that all sounds great but I have to admitt that I read it and though 'god i can't do all that', but I suppose thats because of how I feel.

I do feel so overwhelemed by everything that I should be doing and feel so angry that I am not getting any of it done and that I am letting my kids down by being a crap mum.

[RuthChan]

I'm really sorry that you feel so down.
It really sounds like you have a lot on your plate, but I'm sure there are things you can do to help yourself.
You've been getting what sounds like some really good advice on this thread.
I certainly agree about getting out of the house. Being cooped up inside is no fun for your or the kids, even if they have games and videos to keep them temporarily occupied. Can you all go to a local park or just for a walk to get some fresh air?
I also hope that you can get someone to watch the kids for a while so that you can escape, even if it's just to go for a walk or do some window shopping. Even better if it's to spend some time with a friend.
Maybe nobody's available today, but how about tomorrow? Sunday sounds good. At least you have that to look forward to.
Try not to get too stressed out by your kids and the housework. Kids make a lot of noise and arguments. That's what they do. Giving them positive feedback for any good behavior definitely sounds like good advice. Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool.
I really hope that your current feelings are just a low patch and that you pull through soon. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.

[walshvet]

honestly ,just make a list now of stuff you would do anyway ,ie put kids to bed ,do dishes bla bla ,and add a couple of things you think you ought to do and keep the paper for a week and actually physically tick off each thing ,even cheat and write down stuff you have already done as i do ha ha ,then little by little you will see how much you have done over the week ,remember you are not evil or worthless but just suffering from classic symptoms of low serotonin in your noggin;exercise ,hugs ,love ,chocolate and prozac are all proven ways to increase serotonin ,please just even phone the doctor and make an appt and put it on your list and tick it off ! do just one more thing each day ,i promise it worked for me xxxxxi have to go to tesco now but will check my email later xx

[RuthChan]

I am so sure you're not being a crap mum.
Everyone has good and bad days and most of us just make parenthood up as we go along.
Nobody's perfect, but I very much doubt you're crap.
Kids are really good at pointing out the things we get wrong, but don't let that blind you to everything you're doing right.
You can do the things people are suggesting, you just have to take it easy on yourself and do one thing at a time. Don't expect too much of yourself. You're only human

[SweetBoy]

Your kids are happily playing..oblivious to your problems. They are fine & you are NOT a crap mum; you wouldn't be giving a shit if you were. Just think of one thing to do from that list walshvet wrote. Going out is always a winner tho hard to do whenfeeling shite I know. But getting out of the house is effective and means you have some contact with other people too.

What about your house? Any little jobs you could do that is affordable?

[catrionasmum]

hi nutcracker
don't despair- your kids adore you no matter what and being low does not make you a bad mum.you must talk to someone about how you feel- It really does help,after my second i was at rock bottom and it was only when I was able to talk about how I felt that i startedto get any kind of self worth back.
also try homestart they can give support to any parents having a tough time and it might just be the breathing space you need. remember you are not alone loads of mums feel like this its not all baking cakes and having laughs.it does get better there can be light at the end of the tunnel.
your gp or health visitor should support you too, take all help that is offered and keep in touch

[nutcracker]

Thanks all, I feel a little bit better now.

I let the kids have all the playdough out which pleased them and gave me some peace so that was ok.

I think I will make a list of what I need to do but perhaps only 5 things a week to start with.

I will try and make a doctors appointment if I can get someone to have kids.