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panic attacks and disturbing dreams

(2 Posts)

I've been experiencing terrible panic attacks and upsetting dreams for over a year and I can't seem to stop them.
It all started when my DC was told they'd stopped growing 2 years early without reaching adult stature and I discovered (by buying the medical records) the Endocrine clinic had wrongly discharged dc without giving me the correct bone age. I immediately went into a terrible panic that I've failed in the most terrible way. I previously identified myself as a good mum but now my dcs life has fallen apart as they are struggling to come to terms with 'being different', and for many years, I've just watched, not having a clue as to what was happening on the inside. I accepted this even though for years I had questioned it, but finally accepted the 'reassuring' discharge.

It's taken well over a year to get the clinicians to accept their error even though all evidence points to 0.4th percentile and one year advanced bone age being a big issue. You just have to google wiki child bone age! They now agree they should have referred dc for treatment when there was plenty of growing years left, but it's too late now. They say with adaptations dc can lead a 'normal' life, but dc doesn't feel that way.

I'm on Propranolol for panic attacks and dosulepin for anxiety, which helps a bit, but not always.

I have dreams where I'm at our last Endocrine appointment and at the end, instead of accepting the very persuasive discharge, I say 'you're lying' and someone else comes in and takes over our case and dc gets treatment. But then I wake up and immediately feel awful again and can't slow my heart pounding. It's so scary, I often have to take 4 propranolol to slow my heart. It's making it so hard to keep going to work and function for my family.

DC has changed so much and is adopting risky behaviour, and is no longing the happy, fun loving child they've always been. Both DH and me are at our wits end. We can't change the past, but we can't move on either.

Has anyone else had this triggered by a life changing event? I've tried mindfulness and calming music, but nothing stops this nightmare. Every day is a reminder as my child can't deal with it.

Has anyone had a similar experience? I went to the doctor today and he now thinks my symptoms are PTSD as I can't move on and that's why I keep having the dreams.

He thinks I need to exercise more and get outside as much as possible. He also says I should go out with friends (I've pushed most away). I can't talk to them as their dcs know my dc and I'm too worried they could find out things that are private to my DC.

He said I can increase my Propranolol as that could help me sleep. Night time is the worst time for me as I'm alone with my demons. Has anyone else managed to move on from trauma? It would be so nice to hear about someone's positive ending. At the moment I can't see anything positive for me and I know that means I'm letting my family down😢

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