Anxiety attacks about DHs last crisis

[AnxiousCarer]

DH suffers episodes of psychosis. I'm still trying to put my head back together from his last crisis a few months ago, which was very traumatic for both of us. It involved his detention by police for emergency assessment and his detention in custody due to the level of agitation and aggression being too much for the hospital to handle. It was a close call if he would be sectioned, but he wasn't and was released back to my care, which was very difficult as he was really angry about the detention and my involvement in it.

Fast forward a few months having delt with the initial crisis and this setling thought I was doing ok, then I was hit by horendous anxiety and fighting constant thoughts about self harm. I've seen my GP and started on ADs and booked in with a councellor but thats not for a few weeks. Also been seeing my CPN (someone from DHs team alocated to me for carer support) behind DHs back as he didn't want me having any contact with his team. I've found this really helpful and he wants to do some family therapy with DH and his CPN joining us too which I thinks a really good idea. I have discussed the idea of me joining a few sessions with him and his CPN which he wasn't against, so decided to introduce the idea of me seeing my CPN again. This seemed to go ok, though he encoraged me to talk to him about how I was feeling rather than CPN. Started to talk to him about his crisis and he got really upset and changed the subject, asking why I had to bring that up now. I realised I'd pushed to far too fast and my anxiety levels shot through the roof immediately. Carried on keeping busy but they didn't settle had a full on anxiety attack in the supermarket. Managed to breathe through it and get home and told DH. He was upset, he feels guilty about how his MH affects me. We had a much better chat about things and he was lovely all evening, but the anxiety hasn't completely settled andvits still there today. Feeling anxious tearful and almost like I'm in shock like a shadow of how I felt at the time of his crisis. It really sucks. CPN has recomended headspace app which I'm downloading. Not sure quite what I want from posting, just a friendly ear I think.

[mayde]

Hi AnxiousCarer,

How are you feeling now?