Severe anxiety - what can I do?

[Purplebluebird]

I have a variety of mental health problems (bipolar disorder, OCD, Tourettes), but recently my anxiety as shot through the roof. It's really affecting me, and affecting my 2,5 year old too because I don't take him places much.

I'm now scared of leaving the house, especially when not with my other half. My son and I went to the park earlier, and I was anxious because there was a dog barking in a garden next to the park (in case it would come running and be aggressive, I normally like dogs and am not anxious if they are with their owners).

Yesterday I had to walk for 30 mins each way to drop something off at my doctor's, and I was so anxious I almost threw up, and had a panic attack before I left. I can't rationally see a reason why I'd be so anxious about it, I think also the amount of walking made me nervous, as I'm unfit and it's uphill the way back! But even so, it's no reason to panic really.

I have to go to toddlers groups with my son, he has speech delay and needs the social time. He has been going to a childminder for some months, and it's taken the pressure of me, but now we can't afford to pay for it anymore. So it will all be down to me.

I am scared of small places, so lifts and public toilets are no go for me, in case I can't get out again. I read about a lady stuck in a lift for months in China (obviously she died), which certainly did not help my anxiety! This all started with me getting locked in the toilet with my in laws. They got me out within minutes, but ever since then I've been petrified.

I'm scared of using cash points, in case they eat my card.
I'm scared of going public places, because I feel utterly disgusting and vile. Rationally I know people are unlikely to care at all about me, but I can't help feeling it.
I'm scared of seeing friends and family, for the same reasons as above. I am also anxious that I will say something horrible, which is linked to intrusive thoughts I have.
I'm at times scared of eating because I might choke.
I am always petrified of going blind, and how this might happen because of my weight (put on like 30kg when I started antipsychotics to help with Tourettes).
I'm scared of having cups of tea near my laptop, in case I accidentally - or on purpose - spill it. (on purpose being another intrusive thought).
I'm scared of hurting my child when I get yet another intrusive thought.

...
I'm sure you get the idea.

I am waiting for some additional medications to help with my anxiety, from a psychiatrist. I can't have SSRI's as I get bad side effects, so they had to take a bit extra time to find out what I can take.

I was told there is no point signing me up for any therapy, because the waiting list is so long. I have previously had CBT and it didn't really help that much. I have had counselling in my home country for about 5 years in total, so have good insight into my own situation and my own state of mind. I have never been this anxious before.

So what can I do? I have panic attacks when I need to leave the house :(

Sorry for wall of text, you deserve if you got to the end.

[rumred]

i dont have experience of your mental health problems but maybe MIND or some other mental health support organisation can give you guidance? is your GP aware of how bad things are and do family and friends support you? from what youve written you need to be honest with professionals and get support/meds urgently.

hope you can do this

[Purplebluebird]

I will have a look at MIND and other online support places, thank you - that's a good idea. I don't really have any friends (I'm not English, so all my friends are back home, and I'm too anxious to make new ones), and don't really want to bother my family since there is nothing they can do from abroad anyway!

I have spoken to a psychiatrist who has put down a medicine review urgently, so that I can get something to help. He said there was no point listing me for therapy, as there's a 6 month wait. I think it's still worth a try, but he disagreed so (+ we might be moving within the next 6 months, so would need to get in a new queue).

I have to go get a flu jab now, and feeling so anxious about leaving the house again :(

[ScarlettB18]

Hello, I used to suffer with severe anxiety (got to the point I couldn't even go outside!)

I would say that the worst thing you can do right now is avoid things that are making you anxious, I know panic attacks are horrible and it's so scary but it will only get worse if you let it take over.

Go to the park with your husband or a friend, when you're there, tell yourself you're being irrational you know nothing is going to happen. Just start as small as possible tackling things that make you anxious if you can't do it alone at first then don't! But when you do complete these things you will feel so much better and it will motivate you to want to do it again.

For example I have always been petrified of going to a cafe on my own. So today I forced myself to go to costa and get a drink and just sit there and drink it alone (sounds very small I know but I haven't been able to do anything like that since I was 13) Whilst I was there I was panicking so much, heart racing and feeling very anxious. But I just kept telling myself that I am being irrational nothing is going to happen, I am safe and fine.The sense of accomplishment I feel now is massive!

You can pull through this, you will be okay but please try not to overthink things and talk to as many people as possible about what's going on so that you can get as much support available to you.

Really sorry you're going through this and I hope you feel better soon xx

[Purplebluebird]

Thank you!
We have planned a cinema trip for me and my other half on Sunday, with mother in law looking after little one. I am feeling okay with it, for now anyway! Just got off the phone with psychiatrist, saying they will do a review of my medications on Monday, so that I can get something to help soon. Been waiting a month with this getting worse and worse, so I hope they actually keep their word!