Low self esteem resources

[WittgensteinsBunny]

I struggle with GAD although am better able to manage it following CBT last year.

One of the things at the core of the anxiety is really low self esteem. I'm starting to struggle again with things like obsessive thoughts about DHs ex gfs and how they are all better than me (this is nonsense, we've been together for 10 years and these are people he was with over 15 years ago as a very young man).

I also keep feeling that I'm a crap mum because my DDs are bad sleepers and DD2 struggles with really bad constipation.

My mum is very critical and if we speak to her on FaceTime will press dd1 about what we've done, have we done lots of exciting things, what plans do we have and then proceeds to tell her about all the exciting things she has done. I know it's an unfortunate manner but when I'm struggling it feels like an affront to my ability to parent. And we do lots of simple things like going to the park, local shops, library, singing lessons, crafts at home, books, toys, play doh. I rarely feel like I sit down. And they're happy, healthy bright children but still it feels like it's not enough.

We've recently been on holiday with my family and I found it so so stressful. I wasn't able to control the timings of meals, often found myself hungry and then had over tired children who needed to, but couldn't, go to sleep as soon as I was about to have food. DDs won't settle for anyone else although dd2 could be pushed to sleep in a buggy. Lots of other things happened too, including a faulty smoke alarm going off in our bedroom on the last night, which put me on the verge of an anxiety attack. I struggled through the airport on the way home too. I felt judged and inadequate the whole time.

One of my triggers is sleep deprivation and not eating enough at the right times. I feel completely depleted by dd2 (17 months) who won't stop bf'ing, isn't sleeping at night, is getting canines, is horribly constipated again...

I went to the hairdressers yesterday and just felt tearful the whole time. I felt like I looked ugly and didn't have anything interesting or upbeat to talk about.

I've not really slept again and it's FILs birthday today so expected out later.

I know that I've got to work on my self-esteem and also assertiveness. Any recommendations of resources would be amazing.

Don't really know why I wrote the above. I guess it just helps to clear it from my mind.

[AnxiousCarer]

Check out NLP neuro linguistic programming I found this life changing. I also recomend a book called "feel the fear and do it anyway"

[WittgensteinsBunny]

Thank you. I'll check those out

[BlackVelvet1]

Sorry not much help but I wanted to say it's so hard with little ones, you sound like an amazing mum, the fact that you DDs need you to settle shows how much they can rely on you. I hope you can get some rest.

[yoink]

This book is excellent and will build on the CBT skills you've developed already: Over-Coming Low Self-Esteem

[WittgensteinsBunny]

Thank you for all the kind words.

Yoink I forgot that I had that book on my kindle following my PND support group last year. Tiredness has an awful lot to answer for!! I've started reading it again and it is amazingly helpful. Thank you.