Previous thread deleted but I still need your support

[maybethedayafter]

My other thread started about me and my OH possibly separating but we then went on to have an(other) argument and I got to the lowest point I have ever got where I considered ending my life. I reached out to my OH and told him what I had considered and that I was scared. He looked after me, we talked and have decided not to separate (he didn't want to at any point and in hindsight I only wanted to because I just want something to change). I am suffering from PND and I've not got over the trauma of my DCs premature births, especially my eldest who was very ill. I feel guilty and so sad for what they had to go through. I am taking anti depressants and having CBT but neither is as effective as it could be given what I considered yesterday. I know I need to go to my GP and ask for more help but it's so difficult. I'm scared my children will be taken away if I admit I've had suicidal thoughts. Lots of people have told me that won't happen but I don't even want it to be questioned. I'm so scared.

[pinkdonkey]

Huge hugs to you. As you know you do need to talk to your GP. For me it was as the antidepressants kicked in that I considered suicide. I think that as they started to kick in I actually started to feel motivated enough to do something. The fact that you have had these thoughts and turned away from them and to your OH for support is a positive thing. Keep reaching out and seeking support, you are already taking positive steps towards recovery.

[ProfessorPreciseaBug]

It is the odd thing about depression..
When I was at my darkest, I couldn't see the sun even on a bright cloudless sky.. Time has dulled that pain and Now I can hardly remember how I felt.

Every now and then as the song goes, "Hello darkness my old friend. You have come to talk to me again".. I feel very uncomfortable. But recognising it, it is different to when I just felt dispair. It is part of who I am.

Prof..