I know there is something wrong with me. I have felt it as far back as junior school, where I felt so empty. I do not relate to people in a normal way. I feel like I have a lot of symptoms of a personality disorder - the anxious/avoidant type, but also some aspects of BPD.
Recently I feel like the walls are coming down on me. I cannot cope with the pressures of my life - single parent, low income, debt, a job I hate that makes me feel on edge and anxious, increasing jealousy towards people because they have a nice life when I feel like I am falling apart. I find it hard to imagine I will ever be able to cope.
Once my son is in bed I am so exhausted I can't do anything. I sit up and do nothing at all, and fall asleep downstairs or increasingly I cry. Sometimes I can't hold it together and cry in front of him. I broke down a few weeks ago in front of my mum and son, he was so upset and copying what my mum was saying telling me I needed to go to the Dr, and I had to get better.
I can't carry on like this. I want to be a good mum, but I can't snap out of it. I don't think I will bring myself to go to a Dr. I am so afraid of being thought badly of, it will feel like admitting I am failing. It has got worse since I had my son, I think it has brought all my anxieties to the fore.
I'm sorry this is so long, do people cope alone with these problems, I don't know how to get through life like this. I have no friends, the only person I can talk to is my mum and she doesn't understand why I can't just be happy.
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Mental health
I think I have a personality disorder
4 replies
DarkDarkNight · 31/08/2016 23:20
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