I'm a fairly new poster as I worry I'll get shot down so please be kind.
Bit if back history- My dad has had depression for as long as I can remember. We never got on when I was at secondary school. I didn't really understand what was going on and all I saw was him being nasty and shouting at me a lot and arguments between him and my mum. (I have 3 older brothers who were mostly out when all this was going on so I took the brunt of it). I always felt I missed out on a ''fun'' childhood as he wouldn't want to take me out etc like he did when the boys were young.
My mum left my dad and we moved out of the family home when I was 16. My relationship with my dad improved marginally but I still spent a lot of time at his house so there was still arguments etc.
I became pregnant at 18 and since then my relationship with my dad has blossomed and we've become friends and have a normal ish father/daughter relationship.
Anyway, about 2 years ago my mum bought my dad out of the family home and we moved back in (there was my mum, me, my daughter and my DP as well as one of my brothers who was back and forth to Canada 6 monthly or so). My dad paid off his £18k debt which he'd racked up over the years. I've only recently found out this was a major cause of my parents marriage breakdown as he drinks and smokes and would rather spend month on this than pay bills etc.
With the money left he bought a small house suitable for just him, outright.
He seemed really good for a long time. He had a lovely new home and a much better relationship with all 4 of us children (we're a close family).
Over the 1st year my brother moved to Canada for a few years, my family and I got our own place and my other brother moved away further up county to a new job. My mum also started a new relationship.
My dad is still totally in love with my mum and hates that she's with a new man (it had already been 7 years by this time, obviously longer now).
Anyway the point I'm getting too is my dads depression is getting really bad, he slags my mum off all the time, emails her nasty things calling her all sorts of things she's not! And tells me and my bros he's going to kill himself or move away etc etc.
I try so so hard to be there for him if he needs me. We've all tried to find him things to do, voluntary work etc. We've signed him up to stop drinking programs/help. He just won't help himself and it's getting to the point now where I'm starting to resent him, not only for being so horrible to my mum, which I now know what she went through in their marriage, but also for forgetting that we have problems too. He rings me most nights upset, which I don't mind, I don't want him upset but he goes on about how his life is so awful. He did this after we lost our baby at 21 weeks then a few months later had a mmc. This was all a year after I had an ectopic and nearly died.
I guess what I'm trying to say in this essay (sorry) is that I feel so guilty for feeling like this, I know he can't help it but what can I do, both to stop myself resenting him and to help him? Any advice would be much appreciated
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Mental health
How do I help my dad
4 replies
Mybugslife · 23/08/2016 20:58
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