Handing notice in because I'm scared to work?

[Gingerbreath]

NC for obvious reasons.
Hi. I'm not sure I'm posting in the right place so let me know if I'm not!

I've suffered from anxiety and depression for most of my life (abusive childhood) and have been on medications, seen counsellors etc but after not feeling better I'm currently medication free and accepting I'll always be this way.

I'm a single parent and have worked most of my adult life. I'm in retail which can be hard when I don't want any interaction but I force myself and for the most part, enjoy working and supporting myself and my family. I'm a manager which I think convinces people there's nothing wrong with me. I'm also very good at putting on a front.

For the last few months I've started struggling a bit. I've been very down and the job has started to feel a lot harder. There are so many new policies etc and the job is quite physical and I've found myself feeling stressed and wrung out. Then a couple of weeks ago there was an incident that led to a complaint and there is an investigation going on. Although the mistake wasn't my fault, as the person in charge I will be at least partially responsible. I felt like it was the final straw. I dread going into work now, I feel sick and I'm barely eating. I just want to stay in bed and not see anyone. I've thought about looking for another job but this whole thing has shaken my confidence. I'm questioning my abilities now and that is making me feel awful. I've been with the company for a few years so I'm entitled to sick pay but I feel guilty and embarrassed about taking time off (especially as a staff member is about to go on holiday for 2 weeks so staffing would be an issue). I'm seriously considering handing my notice in and taking a break for a while but I couldn't sign on, I'm not confident enough for that. Plus I really don't think I could face a job interview or starting a new job while feeling like this. Can I leave and not claim jobseekers, that way I'm not hurting anyone? But then how do I support my family? I'm so confused and really need a bit of help. Sorry this is so long.

[Pinkangel23]

I'm sorry your feeling so low. I'm in a similar position myself right now- physical job in retail, although I'm not in a managerial position and can't claim sick pay. Make an appt with your GP and get signed off,he/she may refer to counselling also, and please don't feel bad, your work will just have to manage. Is there a sympathetic line manager you could speak to at work about everything that's going on?Sometimes just offloading to someone can help. Please don't be too hard on yourself, I'm sure your very capable at your job, employers seem to have increasing expectations but with less resources. .

[Jayfee]

Definitely don't hand in your notice. You might need to see your doctor and get time off. Don't feel guilty about that. Most companies don't fret when they let staff down.
You are doing a great job holding down a job in spite of your anxieties. I can recommend a book (cheapo on Amazon) called How to Stop Worrying and start living by Dale Carnegie. I found it really helpful. I also think good counselling would help. In view of your background, you might get offered some fairly quickly. Good luck.

[Gingerbreath]

Thank you so much for your replies. I'm scared to go to the doctor because I've been there a fair bit recently with other physical issues (nothing serious) and I'm scared they'll think I'm a hypochondriac. When I came off my Meds the doctor told me because I was working (she said some people can't get out of bed) I wasn't consistently depressed so there wasn't much they could do. I've also seen a couple of counsellors before in the past, one was an emergency counsellor. They really didn't help much. I've blocked out most of my childhood so talking about that doesn't help as I can't remember most of it. I've been told "no one will ever understand how you're feeling" before. Basically I'm beyond help I think.

I will try to man up and see my GP though.

[Clonakilty]

I think you should think about going onto some sort of anti-anxiety medicine as well; I know you're off them now but maybe they might help for a while. There's no shame in accepting antidepressants.

[Gingerbreath]

Clonakilty I think you're right. Thank you.