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Just been diagnosed with BPD and feeling really down

(71 Posts)
FaithLoveandHope Tue 09-Aug-16 17:45:12

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety years ago after experiencing trauma but I've always felt it was more complicated than that. I finally got referred to the primary mental health team about 6 months ago who referred me to the psychiatrist. He's now just diagnosed me with BPD. I don't know what to think or how to feel. I feel completely lost with it all, I feel like there's something wrong with me, that there's a fundamental flaw in my character. Since being diagnosed I've felt so down and anxious and tiny little things really bother me and I get really angry and then internalise that anger which makes everything feel worse. There are only a couple of people I've told about the diagnosis as I feel there's so much negativity and judgment towards that diagnosis which I really can't face. I feel like I'm falling apart tbh ;(

Clonakilty Tue 09-Aug-16 18:15:02

You have BPD because if what happened to you, not because you are flawed. You are the same person you were before; I found the diagnosis helpful because it made sense of my behaviour and because it allowed to to read up and work out what I could do. It is still possible to be high-functioning with BPD interns of job and so on. Take care of yourself and keep taking the medication if you are on any.
This might help as a starting point.

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd/self-care-for-bpd/#.V6oPHFR4XCR

FairyHoof Tue 09-Aug-16 18:17:04

There's no real need to tell anyone your diagnosis, it's personal. I'm bipolar and don't tell anyone. Just focus on putting the work in to recover.

blue2014 Tue 09-Aug-16 18:18:29

Some of the most wonderful people I've met in life have had diagnosis of bpd, please don't see it as a character flaw. It's a bloody awful name (personality disorder) but it really is just a way of coping with a life most other people didn't have to live.

I agree with reading the mind document but if it doesn't like like it fits for you, you have a right to question that.

FantasticButtocks Tue 09-Aug-16 18:25:52

As far as I know BPD can stand for either bipolar disorder, or borderline personality disorder. Perhaps it would help you to get the best responses if you could clarify which one you mean.

Sorry you're feeling down about it. But perhaps, now you know about it, it will become easier to manage.

FaithLoveandHope Tue 09-Aug-16 19:24:40

Sorry it's borderline personality disorder.

clona the psych actually said my bpd is relatively mild as I'm managing to hold down a career and a relationship (just about on the career front!)

blue you're right about it being an awful name! I'm not sure the alternative is much better - it's also known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (or EUPD) although that sounds like it makes more sense in all honesty.

exWifebeginsat40 Tue 09-Aug-16 19:38:34

i got my BPD diagnosis by accident about 18 months ago. ut had been kept from me, I believe since i was hospitalised for a month in 2012 after a breakdown.

i was pretty much instantly discharged from secondary services which was horrible for my self esteem. i go weekly to a support group run by MIND - is there anything in your area? i find it hugely helpful to have peer support from people who really get it.

ignore any comments about the presumed character defects of someone with BPD. as a pp said, we have a personality disorder because of what happened to us. we aren't innately bad people - although i do of course accept that some behaviours are difficult to deal with.

have the mental health team made any suggestions about what might happen now you are diagnosed? i was already on huge amounts of meds for depression, anxiety etc and the psych said she was happy for me to continue with them. that's my lot though! no therapy, no crisis support, no nothing.

i hope you're doing ok. it's not necessarily all awful. now i know what i'm working with i am finding it (very!) slightly easier to navigate daily life.

exWifebeginsat40 Tue 09-Aug-16 19:39:37

it was kept from me i meant!

erinaceus Tue 09-Aug-16 20:12:43

FaithLoveandHope

I have strong opinions about borderline personality disorder as a diagnosis. Do you know anything about where the name of this disorder originates?

One of the positives of obtaining BPD as a diagnosis is that this can, depending on the services available in your area, be the gateway to support and treatment; however, the opposite can also happen, as exWife describes.

I hope you feel better soon. You are not innately flawed, however much you might feel that you might be right now. How anyone came up with the notion that personalities could be quote-unquote disordered is beyond me, but there you go. Different, yes, but disordered? hmm Lots of medical and psychiatric terminology has somewhat bizarre and historical origins, in case that helps. I agree that EUPD is no improvement in terms of terminology.

flowers

dangermouseisace Wed 10-Aug-16 09:58:38

I think they should label it for what it is- prolonged after effects of extreme trauma/abuse.

Nowt to do with the afflicted persons personality- more to do with perpetrators hmm
I was assessed for it and the psychologist said she hated both terms as the label name suggests something intrinsically wrong with the person. She said the label did have its uses though in that professionals knew it's not something intrinsically wrong with the person, and it is known professionally that therapy, not just drugs, is essential ....where there is the funding of course

FairyHoof Wed 10-Aug-16 11:26:39

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

blue2014 Wed 10-Aug-16 12:45:15

Sorry Fairy, I very strongly disagree - the evidence is those with BPD have a clear history of trauma and attachment problems. This isn't like psychosis at all and its unhelpful to suggest it is.

FaithLoveandHope Wed 10-Aug-16 12:45:37

fairy I'm not sure how that's helpful? I can't speak for everyone with BPD but I know I experienced abuse over a number of years. I've spoken about whats happened with at least 5 counsellors and several medical professionals and they've all told me it was abuse despite me vehemently denying it because it's the hardest thing in the world (for me at least) to accept I put myself in situations where I was abused a number of times by three different people over the course of about 7 or 8 years.

I've been through a number of different anti depressants over the years and so the psychiatrist said to stick with the ones I'm currently on and he also put me on a very low dose of an anti psychotic. I don't know how much it is helping as I've only been on them for a week. In terms of talking therapy, before the diagnosis the primary mental health team said they didn't think it'd help hmm but I'm doing a cbt group session thing.

erinaceus isn't it something to do with patients being thought to be on the border of neurosis and psychosis?

FaithLoveandHope Wed 10-Aug-16 12:47:33

Cross post with Blue. Thank you blue it's reassuring that it's not just my perceptions being so distorted that I took fairies post quite negatively.

I know a fair few people with bpd diagnosis and all of them have experienced quite awful traumas and abuse growing up. But hey obviously I don't know every single person who's ever been diagnosed with this rubbish illness.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn Wed 10-Aug-16 12:50:47

It's right to say that not everyone with a diagnosis of BPD has suffered abuse in the past. It's often the case, but not always.

blue2014 Wed 10-Aug-16 13:02:39

I've never know anyone who meets criteria for a diagnosis who doesn't have a complex trauma or attachment history. I'm not really sure how this is helping OP who has already stated her personal experience which is what this thread is about (not about theoretical perspectives or personal opinions)
OP has a history of trauma that seemingly was invalidated for years, she's said it took a long time for her accept this (which, by the way l, is often why people don't report trauma, because they don't believe they were treated badly it's just what's normal for them) it's Really really not helpful to come on essentially say "well some people are just overly sensitive and making it up"

erinaceus Wed 10-Aug-16 13:46:13

FWIW I also disagree with Fairy whose post is foundationally unhelpful. Medications are literal poisons, and antipsychotics particularly so, if you want to look at the world from that angle.

There is a discussion about whether BPD will eventually be merged with complex trauma as a diagnosis. The comment from your psychiatrist that your BPD is evidentially mild because of your level of functioning had me shock. How invalidating when you are suffering so much, is what I thought.

Faith yes. My take is that if you look at what neurosis and psychosis are, and a bit into what is currently understood about attachment and development, then, in the face of ongoing, multilayered and complicated trauma, the border between neurosis and psychosis looks like an eminently sensible place to hide. Adaptive and resourceful, like.

Did you discuss getting any support or treatment after you got your diagnosis? Are you safe at the moment? flowers

FairyHoof Wed 10-Aug-16 14:31:28

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Wed 10-Aug-16 14:35:50

I have BPD. Still haven't accepted the diagnosis.
Cuts like a knife when someone posts a cunty thread and someone asks them if they've been tested for BPD. I haven't told anyone (other than DH) in real life. There's this horrible stigma around it

blue2014 Wed 10-Aug-16 14:36:20

Fairy - it might help if you could explain where you are getting your information from? A LOT of people with BpD have no trauma and they are often abusers?! I am genuinely aghast at your views.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Wed 10-Aug-16 14:39:54

Case in fucking point. You have BDP? Well I'm suspicious of you because you might be an abuser.

Why would we tell anyone? Seriously.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm Wed 10-Aug-16 14:46:46

There are a large number of abusers who fit the profiles for Cluster B personality disorders (indeed, there's a whole website dedicated to men surviving relationships with abusive women who fit the diagnostic criteria), the same as there are a large number of abusers who have no documented mental health/trauma issues. I think that's a bit of a red herring in this instance.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm Wed 10-Aug-16 14:48:16

Before anyone pounces, I have BPD myself. I don't make a habit of telling people about it, but the diagnosis has been useful for me in terms of self management.

UbiquityTree Wed 10-Aug-16 15:17:50

There seems to be a huge push online in favour of treating people with a BPD diagnosis as victims of the universe. As with most things, the truth is somewhere in-between victimhood and victimiser.

I don't quite know where to start with this remark. My BPD dx is relatively recent but my psychiatrist traces its expression back to my childhood. Whilst I'm happy to agree that those with BPD are misrepresented online, I'm extremely uncomfortable with the idea that a child can be a victimiser and I don't really know what you mean.

I did not have a traumatic childhood. My PTSD dx is separate from my BPD dx although I'm told they often coexist as someone with BPD is unlikely to have the emotional resources to process trauma appropriately. I did, however, have an emotionally neglectful childhood which means that certain lessons children learn regarding dealing with their emotions were absent from my life and I am emotionally seven years old or something. I can learn (am learning) those lessons now as an adult in therapy, but I'm learning them as a foreign language so they may never come naturally.

I can quite see how someone who hasn't had a "normal" emotional development might struggle to nurture the emotions of other people, but I think you're conflating several personality disorders together without any real expertise or clinical experience. However it's vastly more usual for a BPD patient to harm him-/herself than anyone else, and to hide that harm from others.

OP, a BPD dx is a complicated thing. If you don't think it is a good fit, challenge it. Have you discussed PTSD for example?

My dx came out of the blue as I was expecting something more like GAD with PTSD, but when the psychiatrist mentioned BPD all the reading I did about it ticked every single box - even features and factors I hadn't mentioned to the psychiatrist. I hadn't heard of it before then so certainly wasn't performing to a dx.

Unless someone is a MH professional with your full history, they aren't going to be able to make comments about how accurate a dx it is. In the first instance you should see either the psychiatrist again, if you can, or your GP perhaps, and explain your current distress. Whatever the ultimate diagnosis, they should look to treat your current state in the short term and plan (for probably therapy) in the long term.

Best of luck.

FaithLoveandHope Wed 10-Aug-16 15:18:50

In the nicest possible way if you want a discussion about BPD could you please start your own thread? I started this thread as I'm feeling pretty down about it. I accept responsibility for my feelings and my actions and I know I'm the only person that can change my thought processes and the way I feel. BPD most certainly does not excuse me from being an arse and whilst I don't accept responsibility for my abuser's actions I can choose how I deal with it in the future. I need support not a debate over it.

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