I honestly have no idea where to start this post as there is so much going on, I don't want to create multiple posts yet don't want this to be very long. Apologies in advanced & thanks if you manage to get through it all.
Almost 4 years I had my daughter at 28 weeks via Emergency section, I had pre eclampsia bordering toxaemia (the nurses were surprised I was even walking) I didn't see my daughter for almost 7 days because I wasn't allowed out of bed, didn't hold her for almost 4 weeks because she was so poorly. She ended up getting a bacterial infection where her bowl began to die & had to have 12cm removed, during this time she was deprived from oxygen & suffered brain damaged. As a result she has PVL , CP & epilepsy. She's non verbal & can not move much. We've obviously been in and out of hospital constantly (I can't go into to much detail as just writing this is more difficult than I expected)
11 months ago we had another baby (unplanned) I really wasn't ready to have another child because how difficult it is to look after our first baby, at 36 weeks she was born via forceps (almost Emergency section) because I was so poorly again & she suffered a stroke (upto now & as far as Drs are aware she's ok health wise)
Obviously that was traumatic again & I'm not sure if after my first pregnancy & birth I suffered with PND & possible PTSD?? I feel numb.
Now I've had a family disagreement & no longer speak to my mother or my grandmother (she blames me for what happened with my first baby, even though it was medical complications)
I just feel in such a lonely place with nobody who understands or relates to me. I would have rough days where my eldest child will just scream from morning till night no explanation nothing wrong other than her diagnoses, so obviously I'm not upto entertaining people, especially when they would question milestone so I'd constantly get "your so miserable" "your so moody" or if I'd say I'm stressed my mother would scoff & say "why? What can you possibly be stressed for"
I just don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself. I don't want to take medication because I'm the stay at home parent whilst my partner works full time.
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Mental health
Big black hole
9 replies
SparkleJ · 04/07/2016 19:36
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