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Dark thoughts

(4 Posts)
Attheendofmytether1 Thu 30-Jun-16 21:09:19

Hi looking for any advice.
For clarity, H has asked for a separation after 13 years of marriage and 23 years together.
I have 4 DC under 12 and a history of mental health issues after parents emigrating when I was 19 and H admitting to an affair 5 years ago, 3 weeks after our 4th DC was born. He left but came back and it has been five years of ups and downs. He's now decided he's not happy and is staying elsewhere.
Trouble is he's here from after work till kids go to bed. I can't take it. It's breaking my heart day after day. I love him so much.
Every time I close my eyes I see myself hanging. I have no intentions of doing anything as I love my kids far too much and I'm on 90mg of duloxetine.
I just want to sleep and not wake up. I'm going to work and functioning but not eating and barely sleeping. I am hungry but won't eat.
I have lots of friends but will not tell them just how low I feel and I feel I should Buck up and get on.
If I'm honest I think the world wld be better off without me

Asprilla11 Mon 04-Jul-16 04:18:55

If I'm honest I think the world wld be better off without me

Didn't want to leave your thread unanswered. I'm sure some better qualified will be along to offer advice soon.

But your DC's definitely wouldn't be better off without you, even if you feel the rest of the world would (they wouldn't either smile). Try and see your GP ASAP, a change of medication may be needed. Perhaps some CBT or other counselling would also help. flowers

Just5minswithDacre Mon 04-Jul-16 05:03:23

You need to change the child access arrangements, so that everyone can move on properly.

Can you access the MH crisis team or a CPN?

dangermouseisace Mon 04-Jul-16 13:01:10

hi OP flowers what a situation to be in. My heart goes out to you- my (now ex)H did something similar just over a year ago, and I ended up in the abyss a few months later. You love your H, and it hurts but he really is, and has been a complete bastard and you need to be able to get on with your life.

^ I completely second a previous poster who says you need proper child access arrangements. He cannot keep coming into the house every day- you need your own space for yourself and the children, and to get your own routines. If he wants to see the children, he needs to have them wherever he is staying. Any change of routine though (going somewhere else) needs to be on a gradual basis for the children's wellbeing. It sounds like your H is trying to have his cake and eat it- he wants to be part of the family when it is convenient to him, and he is in control of the situation. It needs to stop. FWIW my ex did the whole coming round 4 times plus per week when we first separated (I had him back stupid me- I loved him) and I can completely relate to how you feel. It absolutely tears you apart. And he will take advantage of that.

Have you talked to your RL friends about what has happened between your H and yourself? As sometimes having a whole host of people who are pointing out the fact that has has been a complete and utter arsehole is helpful. It is so easy when you are in constant contact to have the wool pulled over your eyes as it is hard to reconcile that part of them that has betrayed you- whilst you were pregnant!! with the man that you love.

Have you seen a solicitor at all? Can you afford to? I found filing for divorce to be very therapeutic- having in writing what a complete git my H had been was momentous.

Seriously though- this is a hard time. You need help and support. It is going to be hard, but it gets easier. One year down the line and things are getting better, but I wouldn't have been able to do it without my friends and the MH services. I was surprised at how much my friends were happy to help e.g. we all went out for dinner on my wedding anniversary, when I said I'd like to do something as I would find that date hard. I doubt your friends will tell you to buck up- they will know people who have been in similar situations. They will know that the whole situation will be immensely stressful.

I wish I'd asked for help from the MH services sooner- go and see your GP and tell them how you feel. Be honest. It is vital that you ask for help- your children need you. You may think that the world will be better off without you- unless you are a terrorist/evil dictator that is completely untrue. For your children you ARE their world and they would much rather have a mum who is sad and struggling for a while than no mum at all. Things will be difficult for some time but you don't have to feel suicidal, you can have support to find a way through, it is out there. And things will get easier with time.

This time last year I was devastated, a complete mess and thinking similar thoughts to you. Now I can confidently say I would never, under any circumstances, want to get back with my lying, cheating ex! You can do it, but you do need some help

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