Eating disorder?

[Lovemusic33]

I don't really know what to write, I am scared and I don't really know much about eating disorders. I have has a stressful few months ( maybe even a year ), I suffer with anxiety and when I'm on a low I stop eating.
After I split with my husband last year I lost a bit of weight through stress, I them became obsessed with my weight and going to the gym, I run every day and I am careful with food, occasionally I will binge and other days won't eat at all. I am on a downer at the moment due to problems with my partner and I have been unable to eat for 3 days, last time this happened ( a few weeks ago ) I went down a dress size, I found myself taking photos of my body and looking for signs of weight loss, I kind of felt good that my tummy looked flat and almost sunken. At the moment I don't feel like I can stomach food. I think I am suffering from depression and today I self harmed . I don't feel in control of my life right now and I know the not eating and self harming is probably me trying to gain control of something as everything else is out of control. I don't know if I have a eating disorder or if it's just depression? I don't want to be on medication and I don't want to be branded as being anorexic

[Lovemusic33]

Anyone?

[KittyandTeal]

You sound similar to me when I was diagnosed with no purging bulimia. I now know that my ed is liked/part of my personality disorder.

Either way you are obviously struggling with your mental health (unsurprisingly) and you need to see your gp, he/she will be able to refer you to a psychiatrist who can work towards a care plan and possible diagnosis.

[Lovemusic33]

Thank you, I guess I need to pluck up the courage to go to my GP.

[Petal40]

Hi, it's not the same I know but I've suffered with bulimia for approx 25 yrs...I've been on and off medication for depression...Drs were never sure if the depression caused the bulimia or vice versa....sadly for me all the medications turned me in to a zombie and made me put huge amounts of weight on....only when I came of the medication could I tackle the weight..but then the bulimia came back......I've realised that I'm one of these people who suffer with mental health problems,and probably always will.....I can control my bulimia by going to the gym every day...that seems to give me permission to eat normally....and I just take one day at a time.and I try to be kind to myself...that's what I would say to you..show yourself a little kindness...eat a little at each meal,as the weight you loose when not eating will quickly go back on when you do start eating....nothing would persuade me to go on medication again....but you have to work out what's best for you....don't end up like me 25 years of an eating disorder x

[KittyandTeal]

Like petal says. I am also one of this people who will always have MH issues. I am not medicated atm but control my pd and ed with reduced stress (not easy) lots of sleep, eating healthily and exercise. I have a marathon space for April which is making me have to eat well be aide otherwise I can't run.

It has taken years but I've found way of helping myself and working out what works for me. (Just read that back, please don't take that as a harsh 'you need to help yourself' I couldn't at all when I was first diagnosed)

[Lovemusic33]

Thank you petal, that sounds very similar to me, I gave up the gym a month or so ago, I worried I would gain weight so I started running and eating less, if I had a good run I would eat a bit more, if I pigged out at the weekend I would feel guilty and run more the next day or not eat.

I took a photo of myself this morning, in a way I like how I have lost weight in the past few days, I know I probably look ill, I feel ill .

This has been caused by a huge relationship problem with my partner, it had been ongoing for a few weeks but this week has been the worst. I know depression is causing the eating problems, I need to have control over something and that ends up being food and my weight. My close friends and family are pressuring me to go to the GP, I don't want to go, I don't want to be on medication as I can't deal with the side effects.

[Exercisejunkieforlife]

You are not alone, I also have Bulima and I'm waiting for therapy for this.
I had an assessment last week they have said they can help me but there is a waiting list so I have to wait.
I also do a lot of exercise to counteract the food I eat and if I do enough exercise I eat a little more.
Today We went out for a meal and I am struggling not to go and purge because I didn't go to the gym today.


Please go to your doctor they should be able to help, I have decided I don't want to live like this anymore life has got to be better then this shit I really believe that.

[dangermouseisace]

lovemusic I had anorexia then bulimia for many years.

I was told by the psychiatrist that they did experiments on conscientious objectors and found that if they starved them so their weight dropped below a certain BMI some of them started to display anorexic/bulimic behaviours when offered a normal diet and some of them self harmed (Minnesota Starvation experiment- wikipedia it!) So they concluded that simply being underweight affected their relationship with food- which is why they recommend to people with eating disorders that they get their weight up above a certain level before engaging in any therapy. So...it's more complicated than assuming that you are anorexic or depressed...you may be neither...or one...or both! But, until you are able to get to a basic normal weight you will not know. I think it's hard once you've got in that mindset to get out of it without some sort of support. It might be worth talking to your GP and being open and saying that you are struggling, but you don't want medication etc and they might be able to monitor you and your weight for a bit.