How to erase my mind ...

[lonerboner]

I'll keep this simple

Had a DC with a man from a brief fling

From day 1 he's had NC - his total choice

BUT .... Over the last 2.5 years he's momentarily "appeared" at various points, can go months & months of NC then contact out the blue.

He clicks his fingers off I go running (I am a massive mug as this guy is horrendous) I don't even want him - but he plays me like a fiddle, doesn't show any interest in DC, fine, I've set that expectation for myself.

He pays financially

Here is my question or just plain advice

This man makes me feel worthless, a piece of shit & ashamed. He is sadistic & morally wrong. My self esteem is at rock fucking bottom.

I want him out of my head, I want to erase him from my brain.

Help me, help! I have deleted his number (Jesus how 21st century!)

The door will always be open for DC as that's not my decision to make, I don't want DC to ever blame me. But Man does NOT want anything to do with DC.

It's like I put myself through self harm, I see him, then physically feel sick for days even weeks after. I can't go on.

[lonerboner]

People from relationships board kindly said to move to here.

[Marchate]

Hello. Getting mixed up with a 'horrendous' man is bad enough. Not being able to escape him is torture

You'll get advice here about looking after your own health. Interesting you saying it's like self harm. Do you feel that about other aspects of your life?

You know you are being used, I'm sure. Have you been the 'prey' of manipulative partners/friends/family in the past?

I hope you get good advice & it helps you find inner strength