Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

How can I stop being so horrible to my DH?

(10 Posts)
Trickymoments Sun 29-May-16 11:42:27

God I am so horrible to DH sometimes. I hate myself for it but can't seem to help it.
Yesterday all I did was moan at him about all the jobs that need doing around the house, nagging him constantly. This led to cross words and me getting upset.
Then last night we had a bottle of wine & I felt so much better! Happier, relaxed & enjoyed our evening together.

Today I'm back to my miserable self again and we've just had an argument. I'm so horrible to him, he must be so miserable with me. It can't be much fun being married to someone with such bad mood as mine.

Can anyone relate? Will I always be like this? How can I stop behaving like this, it's awful but I can't seem to stop it. I do take ad's but my moods are very up & down.

SuchaJem Sun 29-May-16 11:45:07

Hi tricky, I sometimes feel this way too. We can be meanest to the people we're closest too unfortunately.

Can you try catching yourself before you snap? Count to five mentally before you reply. Try to think about how the words you say will be interpreted by him.

Give him lots of praise and affection when he does do things to help. Encouragement rather than scolding is a better way of getting him to help if you can.

Trickymoments Sun 29-May-16 11:50:15

Thank you SuchAJem, it's made me cry reading your reply just knowing that someone understands as I feel like such a horrible bitch but of course I really do love him.

I struggle so much with anxiety that when things are on my mind worrying me it just puts me on a downer and I am a horrible person to live with.

I get irritated so easily too especially as he's a bit laid back about house jobs etc whereas I want everything done now.

Roussette Sun 29-May-16 12:09:51

I think we are all like this at times and I don't believe anyone who says not! Try not to beat yourself up too much, your love for him shines through in your posts. It would be worse if you just didn't care and you obviously do (which is why you've posted...)

What helped for me was continually thinking "you get back what you put in" i.e. if I'm nicer to DH as much as I can be, I will reap the rewards and he will be the same with me. I too have a mega laid back DH and I do get frustrated with him at times but I just try to make more of an effort to be nicer when I'm not moaning! and it seems to work! Good luck flowers

Looly71 Sun 29-May-16 12:27:47

I moan at my husband all the time and hate myself for it. Yet it continues. I am trying also to be more positive as it does change the dynamic of the house and everyone in it. My moods tend to dominate unfortunately but I'm working on changing that blush

Trickymoments Sun 29-May-16 12:38:14

Thanks Looly what sort of things are you trying to do differently?
When I think back to when we first met I wonder why I've become like this? Is it the stresses of family life & working, trying to do it all? Is it depression/anxiety? Or is it hormonal?

choli Sun 29-May-16 12:41:03

I get irritated so easily too especially as he's a bit laid back about house jobs etc whereas I want everything done now
Why don't you do them yourself? What the heck is a house job, and why can it only be done by your husband?

Trickymoments Sun 29-May-16 12:45:06

Some things around the house & garden I can't physically do as I have a health condition. Obviously I do what I can & would do more if I could.

SuchaJem Sun 29-May-16 13:21:31

Bless you tricky. You're aware you are doing it and want to change - many people wouldn't have this awareness.

I have anxiety problems too - have done on and off for years - and find it makes me much more snappy and short tempered.

If you do lose it take yourself off, do some calm breathing and go back and say sorry. That goes a long way too I find.

Looly71 Tue 31-May-16 12:33:33

Sorry tricky I wrote a long reply yesterday but it didnt appear for some reason.
I try to pause before nitpicking about things like how the dishwasher has been loaded which then tends to head off that sort of thing turning into a full-blown rant.
I'd say it's partly hormonal but can't blame it all on that really.
I do feel bad as he would never complain to me about similar things. He's more laidback than me about the 'right' way of doing things and doesn't deserve my ingratitude blush
I was thinking of starting my own thread recently.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now