Stress!

[Imavinoops]

Okay, so the story is I met DP last July and we starting seeing each other. DP has a DS and since last July I have given up my job (various reasons, mainly I wasn't happy with the hours as I never got to be home) took on two other jobs but those failed miserably as I discovered after the second one that I have mild depression. I am therefore staying at home with DSS so the DP can go out to work instead of me. It's working okay, little strapped for cash but not too bad.

Basically I think I'm just full of stress atm just from my life changing so rapidly. A year ago I was single in a full time job. Now I'm basically a full time mum to my DSS. He is 3, has a speech delay and doesn't speak much at all which often makes the day very stressful as he tantrums about nearly everything. I'm trying my best to be calm but the smallest things are sending me through the roof right now. We moved last week so I'm trying to sort the house out by myself (DP comes home and has decided that he can't do anything because this is his time to relax so even when he is home I'm still doing most things by myself)

I'm so stressed and cross all the time and I'm hoping for some tips on how to control my stress level a bit more. I don't have any friends with other children as I obviously missed out on the meeting other mummies when baby was young as I wasn't around when baby was young. ;) I'm not really sure how to go about meeting other mums as everyone seems to be in little groups already and I'm pretty nervous about approaching a group, especially as I'm only a step parent (for some reason I don't really feel it's my place to) I'm feeling a bit isolated and thought this might be the place to chat to other people about it. :)

[Orchidflower1]

Hi you've taken on an awful lot over a relatively short period of time. Have you got some family that can help you or baby sit so you and dp can go out.

What about joining a music group like Jo jingles or similar in your area or tumble tots so there is something that gets you out of the house. I know you said money is tight but you could just do a short session to meet people.

Do u have a hobby that you like that could help you relax eg sewing

[Imavinoops]

Hello Orchid
DP family sometimes babysit when we have to do things but we haven't been able to go out just us for quite a long time. I think I might suggest it soon though and see if someone can watch DSS for an evening.

We did Rugbytots with him for a little while but I found that due to DSS attention span and needs the whole time was spent with me doing it all with him and struggling to talk to anyone else as he needed my whole attention. I'm trying to look out for little groups in our area where it's a bit more relaxed and DSS can just play for a while so I have a chance to chat to some other mums but I haven't seen any really that don't cost and arm and a leg. ;)

I'm actually also on a hobby search at the moment as it happens! When I first started becoming depressed my hobbies didn't seem enjoyable anymore so I kind of just stopped. I'm trying to work out what I would like to do really but I'm finding it tricky to find anything that captures my attention as much as DSS and DP do. I love being with them but it is a little tricky when that is the only thing I do.

[Bringiton2016]

It seems like it's not healthy for you to be at home. Can you try and find another job? I think you've taken too much on; I don't think this little boy should be your sole responsibility

[Orchidflower1]

Have you tried meditation/ relaxing music to chill out too. I've got an app on my phone that plays " natural" sounds that helps to calm me down when I'm anxious but I'm sure would help if you're cross.

Does dss go to preschool or playgroup? If so are there any potential " coffee buddies" you could meet. If he doesn't - have you thought about it - now he is three he is entitled to some free preschool time.

[Bringiton2016]

I don't think it's a good situation for your mental health. My own kids drive me up the wall; let alone someone else's with development issues.

You haven't even been in this relationship for long. What do those close to you in real life say?

[Orchidflower1]

I agree with BRINGITON it's not good for you so you do need ways to cope - who was looking after dss prior to you? You must really care for your dp to take on this added responsibility. 🌺

[Imavinoops]

orchid DP was a full time Dad before I was here and therefore I have been able to help him get back into working which makes life much easier for everyone really. He is a brilliant Dad but he is so much better suited to being out and at work and it has boosted his self esteem brilliantly. I really do care about both of them very deeply, I have known DP since we were teenagers but only started our relationship about a year ago. In the big scheme of things I feel very happy about where our lives are going together but I just need to find a way to cope with such a big change I think. (I think it's been a bit of a shock to me if I'm honest, although I didn't realize it for a long time haha)

bringiton People close to me have been keeping an eye on me for a while and questioned my decisions at first but now they say that they can see how much we all care about each other and are fully behind us and trying to help out where they can. (I am a bit of an emotional closed box however, something I have been trying to work on for a few years, even this posting feels a bit weird tbh! So sometimes I don't always think I need to ask for help even when I do need it)

[Bringiton2016]

But you can love and care about people and not have all this on your plate. I would look for part time work at least. Surely he will be starting nursey in Sept if he is not there already. I would be feeling very overburdened with this responsibility. I would be feeling pretty miserable with this as my day to day existence. I'm not being cruel; just trying to offer some perspective. I'm totally not projecting .

[Imavinoops]

bringiton He is at nursery three mornings a week. Annoyingly he is only able to do 5 hours max a day and during term time only. (Some weird rule to do with our council I have been told) We use the 15 free hours a week but it's pretty tricky to find work for just those hours. I'm looking into some volunteer work as we speak to try and find something for a few hours while he is at nursery for me to do as volunteer work seems a bit more flexible. I think helping some other people might refocus me on others rather than just our family unit. :) No no, I understand this isn't a cruel message, I'm happy for other's perspectives and opinions. (I wouldn't have posted otherwise! ;)) It's nice to be able just to have a chat about it really and try and rationalize things for myself.