Why doesn't my depression ever go away?

[Cushionwoman]

Just never does.

[A4Document]

Sorry to hear this Cushionwoman. What have you tried so far?

[mrsmeerkat]

I get you op. Mine is creeping back without much respite. Are you ok

[Cushionwoman]

I'm okay, just sad with my life and really have no right to be.

I've always felt this way - always after something that seems just out of reach.

My depression and anxiety reached terrible levels after DCs (now three and five) and I had to have pretty serious interventions - psychiatrist, crisis team, day to day living felt like an ordeal. So that to me shows I'm pre-disposed to this.

That's all gone now. I'm able to live life pretty free of anxiety and not seriously depressed. It's just this level of 'not really ever happy' that I'm left with. Ungrateful and a bit resentful.

I'm also a pretty selfish person with no real motivation to change things around. I don't think I'm a very nice person. I know that sounds bizarre but I do find that being a good person can take effort and I feel that two kids depletes that effort and time.

I don't know if it's an underlying state with me. I'm a type one diabetic, I don't have the best diet and I drink a fair bit of wine. All things that don't help.

[fuckthatforagameofsoldiers]

OP - give up the wine, try to go for a gentle stroll every day and build up the exercise gradually. The alcohol is the biggie though, it really is a depressant. You will see a huge difference by going on the wagon. Good luck, OP

[fuckthatforagameofsoldiers]

Oh and try some vitamin supplements if your diet is bad. Especially Vitamin B complex.

[BoboChic]

OP - you seem to believe that you own your depression and that it is your fault and an inevitable part of you.

Have you ever tried identifying external influences on your mood and well-being? Do you ever wonder whether your life circumstances are causing your depression?

[Duckstar]

Are your blood sugars under control? My husband is diabetic and when his sugars aren't under control he sounds like you feel a bit selfish, generally just unhappy with the world. I can always tell when his sugars are not controlled from how he acts.

[Duckstar]

Should add my husband isn't normally selfish, but the blood sugar out of control does affect his personality.

[Openmindedmonkey]

Please work on your physical health as well as your mental health.
Like you, I have had depression for many years (over 30, that's 2/3 of my life!) & two serious pre- & post natal episodes.
Like you, I have chronic & serious physical health issues that affect my blood sugar levels.
Talk to your GP about improving your diet - trust me, that & reducing alcohol will really help your baseline mood.
A general multivitamin & mineral supplement will help too. Perhaps you could ask your GP for some general blood tests, esp food-related eg vit D & iron levels.
Have you had CBT & are you on antidepressants? Both have helped me.
I'm sorry you are going through this, it really is rubbish to be feeling low day after day.

[IonaNE]

Just to say I am sorry to hear you're feeling like this, OP.

[Cushionwoman]

You're all lovely.

Thank you for this advice. I know really what has to be done.

No wine today. It's been fine. No crap food either.

Two nice long walks.

Terrible row with DH though so that's got me down.

Onward and upward

[MountainDweller]

Buy a milk frother! No need to spend £££. The small battery ones with the little whisk on a stalk make surprisingly frothy milk!

[MountainDweller]

Oops sorry wrong thread. No idea how that happened.

[Openmindedmonkey]

Well it cheered me up Mountain, thank you!

[FuzzySpheres]

TBH it's good advice for any situation (unless you can't drink milk for whatever reason). You haven't had a mouthgasm until you've had hot chocolate made using chocolate flakes and hot milk, mixed together and frothed up using one of those things.

[FuzzySpheres]

Sugar makes insulin dosing tricky, but there's always erythritol. I use it and it's fine.

[FuzzySpheres]

(I'm type 2, not type 1, but my type 1 relative uses erythritol too.)

[CantGetNoSleeeeeeep]

I gave up alcohol after my postnatal depression was diagnosed. I haven't drunk for over a year and it really helped me. I realised I was medicating the anxiety with it. If you are physically well it goes a long way to helping you mentally. Well done for getting out in the walks

[Wolfiefan]

You can feel better. I think I had low level depression for years. Exercise and diet really does help. Limit the booze. Couple of nights a week only?
Good luck. You deserve to be well and happy.