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I'm really struggling and Idon't know what to do.

(5 Posts)
SlowComfortableShrew Sun 24-Apr-16 15:44:43

I had PND after the birth of my daughter 5 years ago, and since then have had anxiety and depression usually well managed with a low dose of sertraline.

I feel like my life is falling apart around my ears and I don't know what to do at the moment. I am insecure about friendships because I didn't have any friends when I was at school, and can still not understand why anyone would want to be friends with me, or that if they are, they will realise what I really am like and not be my friend any more.

I have a group of friends who I know through my daughter's school and we have a group on whatsapp. One has just her first baby. I took lunch round there last week and as she was breastfeeding, I did the washing up that was in the sink while I made us both a cup of tea. Apparently her partner ( on paternity leave) got really annoyed that I had done that ( he didn't ask me to not do it or tell me to stop) and went out in a huff. I feel terrible,and my friend seems to be pissed off with me too. I just seem to muck everything up.

Another friend in this group asks for advice on whatsapp, and then if you give it, responds in a really aggressive way. The last time I was really hurt by her response. She told me I was being passive aggressive and judgmental, when actually truly I believe it's up to her what she does with the situation she's in, and I just suggested some ideas of what to do, that she had asked for. It's made me question whether any of the advice I give when asked is any good, and whether I'm a good friend at all. I feel really hurt and insulted that she would think I was like that. She's hurt me before and never apologises.

I'm separated from my husband. We have a good friendship still, and we have tried to get back together, but the fundamental problem of him not being interested in a sexual relationship still remains. I have tried dating other people, but it has just left me very cynical about men. I feel so lonely.

I just feel like I fuck up everything. I feel like I am a crap mother and friend, and that I fail at everything. My house is a mess, with clothes everywhere, and I just want to lie in bed all the time.

Sorry this is all sounding like self pitying bollocks but I hope it will help by typing it all out. If anyone has got any ideas of how I can pull myself out of this pit, or wants to tell me to woman up, please do so.

Marj1978 Sun 24-Apr-16 22:50:04

You sound like a great friend! You take lunch round and do the washing up so she can get some rest? That is so lovely. I'd really appreciate that. Maybe you need to look at your friends and ask if they are good to YOU - not the other way around. I'm similar to you in a lot of ways. I didn't really have friends at school and now I feel like a crap mother. I bet my house is messier than yours! And most days I go back to bed as I have depression. But I'll bet you're a great mum and friend, because your kindness and sensitivity comes across in your words. It's the arseholes out there who don't give a shit what others think or how they feel that are the bad guys. Not you. Allow yourself a good old wallow in self pity, cry your eyes out, punch a few pillows and pour your heart out on here. If you're feeling really low speak to your gp who might want to look at your meds or ask to be referred for counselling. Much love and I hope you feel better really soon xx

ithinkitstimeforanamechange Mon 25-Apr-16 18:07:05

I don't have any friends either but if I did I would love one that felt they could be at home in my house and if they helped with washing up I certainly wouldn't be conplaiining!!

ithinkitstimeforanamechange Mon 25-Apr-16 18:07:13

I don't have any friends either but if I did I would love one that felt they could be at home in my house and if they helped with washing up I certainly wouldn't be conplaiining!!

Chocc21 Mon 25-Apr-16 21:56:38

At school I was the same in terms of friends or lack of them so can identify. I know some friends I had were not genuine and others I thought were twits probably were genuine. I got people wrong all the time and still do.

As for the washing up, it depends really on other people's boundaries. I mean you are welcome to do mine but others prefer you ask them first. Your friend shouldn't be in mood though as your heart was in the right place and honestly that is all that counts. Don't beat yourself up. You sound a good friend to me.

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