Where to start

[Misselthwaite]

Not sure what help I need. Feel just crap. Want to just cry. Work has been awful recently and very stressful so I know its partly that but I'm really struggling with parenting. Have three children and just feel like I'm about to lose it at any minute. Certainly shout much more than I'd like and feel at times I'm being mean when I don't want to be, I'm sure they'll all grow up and hate me and need serious amounts of counselling. Feel so lonely too, rarely get to go out and few genuine friends. No one I can talk to. My Mum is basically going through some kind of breakdown at the moment and anyway I'd never talk to her. My Dad is busy supporting my Mum and I've siblings who have poor mental health (I'm supposed to be the good one so can't say anything to him). DH is good but struggles when I get like this, he has his own work stress and he just can't cope when I'm in a state and can't even explain why. Got too much today and self harmed which I do now and again, nothing serious just enough to release some tension.

[Marchate]

You sound very lonely despite having family and friends?

I have a young relative who SHs. I understand that it helps the mental pain. I wonder if there's a reason that your siblings also have MH problems. Has your family gone through a bad experience long ago? Or is there simply a history of MH issues over generations?

Are your children still young? Shouting really does no good, especially if it's frequent. Can you devise a way to 'put on the brakes' when you feel a shout coming on?

Does your husband not understand how distressed you are? Do you try not to bother him?

If you haven't spoken to your doctor or health visitor already, I would suggest you make an appointment.

Take care

[Misselthwaite]

Thanks for the response. I talked a bit to DH, about feeling lonely and I don't feel quite so lost. I can't talk to him about self harming as he just wouldn't understand. My mental health issues stem from my older brother being the golden child and then living with him as he developed serious drug and mental health issues with my parents basically prioritising him despite how awful he was to everyone.

I know I need counseling and will try and get some. I'm not sure I can go back to the gp as they never properly help. I've been a few times about stress and they basically look at my kids and think its normal and that they're not surprised I'm stressed.

The shouting isn't all the time but I feel I lose it and hate feeling like that. I want to stay more in control but feel so close to the edge a lot of the time. I never really get a proper break from them and no chance to chat to a friend which I think would help me offload a bit.