Not sure what I'm hoping to achieve, but I feel really down and had a rubbish day.
I found it out today my ESA has been stopped, as I failed the work capability assessment. I'm struggling with depression and anxiety, plus some physical problems too. Now I'm not entitled to anything, but can't imagine being able to work - for years I've left jobs because I couldn't cope, I can't concentrate and now physical problems make things difficult too. They made me feel like I was claiming something I shouldn't. If I don't sign on for jsa I'll have barely any income. I can appeal the decision, but it just seems like too much stress, I don't know if I can cope.
On top of that I've had a disagreement with my bf and don't know how to continue the relationship or whether it's a good idea, as I've behaved badly, but also can't cope with hours how things are. I also feel guilty because I know I've behaved really selfishly and it wasn't ok.
I'm in a terrible place at the moment and don't know what to do about it. I just want to stay in bed all the time.
My gp doesn't listen and doesn't care. I'm waiting for counselling, but had some in the past and it didn't help.
Sorry for rambling on. Thanks for reading.
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Mental health
Anyone awake? Had a rubbish day
Hatefeelingdown · 09/04/2016 01:22
Oh ESA and the assesments are a load of shite.
If it comes to it and you need to sign on - do not worry. You'll be asked to do x amount of job seeking a day and you'll have to list it.
It won't take long, but each day you will write such things as
2 hours - looked for jobs on indeed.com, applied for X a d X
3 hours - distributed CVs around town
etc
This is usually done online so won't take you long to complete
Now I wouldn't usually condone lying but you're not well, and I've been there. As long as you document that you've done the allotted hours you should be okay. And include jobs that you've seen and 'applied for'.
Now onto your MH, can you get a different GP? It seems like you're current one isn't the person for you. I have BPD and I found that finding one I trusted was important to recovery.
If you can give details of where you live I can see if there's any self referal places available, but of course I understand if you can't do that.
You aren't alone okay? And things will get better. It right now seems like it's dark and that it's bad but I promise you things get better 
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I've been thinking about our relationship all night. It's very frustrating .. Because of various reasons he often doesn't want to do anything, wants to be alone. Because of depresssion I struggle with this, feel rejected I guess. I react badly, say things I don't want to, that hurt him. But we've only been together about half a year and there is no excitement anymore. I still get butterflies when I see him, but there's no frantic sex, sometimes not even kissing. He can't sleep at mine, says he doesn't sleep well here. I don't want to - and can't - often sleep at his for various reasons and commitments. So we don't spend the night together often. He's very shy and sexually not very experienced (neither am I btw), so not very adventurous and it doesn't really work for me.
And yet I love him so much. I really want to make it work.
I know people here would say there's no point from what I've said, but he's lovely. Sex isn't everything. I just need to find a way of dealing with the feeling of rejection.
I'm scared I'm totally selfish and self absorbed, or narcissistic .. Wanting it to always be about me, be the centre of attention 
Sorry, I know I'm talking to myself. And I'm also aware I've totally outed myself if my bf is reading this.
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