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I have bipolar and marriage has broken down

(5 Posts)
sadandfrightened Tue 05-Apr-16 11:40:26

DH and I are back to relate, we have been attending on and off for 3 years. We haven't had sex in 4 years, married for 8 and I have been trying to 'fix us' for as long as I can remember. We are back to relate for the 3rd time and the counsellor acknowledged that the feeling hope then misery must be exhausting. She is recommending separation.

Ok he has low libido but thats just one factor. DH is a good support, I have been depending on him to the extent that I don't believe I can cope without him and neither does he.

Recently he admitted that although he is laid back and copes with most things, he is unhappy too. Bizarrely he thinks we should stay together.

It's the pretending we're ok that I find most draining and we are drifting further apart each day. I am finding myself withdrawing from the family (2 DCs ) and feeling like a bad mother on top of it all.

I had 7 weeks in hospital over Xmas. Mania seems to happen ever 2 years and DH always picks up the pieces. Thinking I get sick because of this never ending stress.

The DC's mental health is all I care about but I don't think I can cope with this unhappy marriage any longer. They must sense the atmosphere even though there's no arguing.

I can't go on like this but I'm so scared about the alternative. The DCs will hate me, dd is 7, ds is 4. I couldnt handle the guilt. Financially we will be screwed. I'm trapped and so alone.

I know I need to do something because I'm thinking of the unthinkable as the only way out.

Marchate Tue 05-Apr-16 12:40:36

Put those 'unthinkable' thoughts aside. Your children need you

Have you found Relate helpful at all? Does the counsellor understand your side of the story?

Have you had bipolar all your adult life? Do you see the GP frequently? Can she help you with coping if you separate? If you are pretending things are fine when they're not, other aspects of your mental health will be suffering. Maybe you would cope better apart, after the initial adjustment

Take care

sadandfrightened Tue 05-Apr-16 13:24:19

I depend on him for so much, doing it all alone is just so daunting.

I'm 44, diagnosed at 27. My GP wouldn't help, I'm supposed to have a cpn but I guess that's down to resources. I have been referred to psychotherapy tho.

I have nobody to talk to. My mum knows thinge are bad but insists we need to stay together for the kids. The counsellor said the kids might not thank us for being unhappy for their sakes.

I want to disappear.

jaffodil Tue 05-Apr-16 14:10:47

Hi OP. Sorry things are hard for you at the moment.

When you say your GP wouldn't help - what happened?

I have bipolar myself and have recently made my own WRAP using some template like this - www.workingtogetherforrecovery.co.uk/Documents/Wellness%20Recovery%20Action%20Plan.pdf

It makes me feel in control of my own condition. Might it help you to manage your crises? As you say you're dependent on your DH to "pick up the pieces", that's obviously causing pressure on your relationship. The WRAP is quite empowering as you learn to self-monitor and take control when things start to go wrong.

Were you in hospital for depression or mania at Christmas? Is it possible that you're cycling into another episode of depression and that's why you're thinking quite negatively? I don't know what your baseline is like, so am just throwing ideas out, but I know personally that I never think of suicide when I'm "well" even when stuff is very difficult.

Can you see the Relate counsellor on your own at all, to give you your own space? It's good that you're on the waiting list for psychotherapy.

sadandfrightened Wed 06-Apr-16 23:09:02

Hi, GP very in demand and u have found I just go to her for physical ailments. I will try to push for a cpn tho, the relate counsellor advised it too. I was manic for 7 weeks at Xmas, I don't think I'll ever get used to it happening, it scares me that my brain can take a holiday like that. DH sup ports me but is concerned about how we would manage if I got ill while we were apart. Me too.

Yes depression brings negativity but I think the stress of a bad marriage is probably the reason my episodes are more frequent (that was my 3rd in 6 years).

A part of me believes I would be stronger without him but what if I was wrong?

,I'm going to look at your WRAP link, thanks.

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