I have a 9 month old and a 2 year old, moved house and jobs in the past year. I set out these facts as I consider that I've had a lot going on, so extenuating circumstances to affect my mood.
I am breast feeding the baby who wakes several times a night still and sometimes takes some time to settle. Toddler is usually a good sleeper but of late has been waking very early, shouting and waking the baby, and taking time to settle at night too. One or the other is usually awake for the day at "5 something."
I have very little time to myself. I have support from my parents (who aren't that close by) but they don't know the extent of how hard I'm finding it. I feel ashamed to admit it, as I always wanted a family and I love them so much, I am just exhausted though and feel on edge a lot of the time and feel that I'm not enjoying it as I'm always lurching from one task to the other, calming a tantrum, or trying to get one to sleep - folk say "just get them into the same routine" - Ha! If only it were that easy.
DH is very hands on but has high standards and spends a lot of time tidying up and I take this as a slight that my more cluttered existence is not good enough. No support at all from in-laws, I don't think they hear our pretty clear requests for help for whatever reason.
Because I'm new here, my friends with toddlers aren't that close by, so I don't have that "sounding board" to chat about things, and apart from the baby's sleep, I find parenting a strong-willed (but lovely, bright and funny) toddler more challenging than the baby. I'm too tired to read any books about it, and when I asked the health visitor for advice she told me to go on a ten week parenting course which is just too much to consider. I also think I know the principles, it's just hard to put into practice with how I feel. It's so hard to strike up meaningful conversations with new people at groups when I'm watching for who she's about to hit or snatch a toy off, and juggling a mobile baby who really doesn't want to be in a sling all the time. Evenings are presently spent in and out trying to settle baby, who I think is probably in a sleep regression. DH informed me that he thinks they are both quite good sleepers. Hmm.....
Sometimes I just want to walk away, then I feel really really guilty for even thinking that. I don't of course but I'm on my knees, and I'm find it way harder than my very challenging job from which I am on mat leave.
Logically I know this phase will pass but I'm finding to really difficult. I think if I could get more sleep my mood would feel better, and I don't want to be wrongly labelled as depressed (my mum has asked me if I am and I denied it) if it's just tiredness which will pass.
A lot of the time though I think I'm not doing a good enough job, and keeping no-one happy, and I don't know where to turn to. I guess it would be useful to hear thoughts about whether how I'm feeling is normal given circumstances, or as DH thinks if I just need to accept it for what it is and get on with it without complaint, or if folk with experience of any similar circumstances think that I shouldn't be finding it this hard and should seek help.
Apologies if I don't reply immediately, I'm trying to get my head down whenever I can at night as I am up so frequently.
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Mental health
Is it normal to find parenting this hard?
31 replies
Lilipot15 · 28/03/2016 21:48
OP posts:
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