Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

Reposting here for traffic

(5 Posts)
TarkaLiotta Wed 23-Mar-16 16:54:00

Not sure where to post this, so hope here is ok. I'm struggling at the moment and don't know what I need to feel better. Have DD (age 8, ASD & ADHD) and DS (age 5, ASD, diagnosed 2 weeks ago). I have a long history of depression and anxiety, medication for this helps but am feeling wretched even with the meds at the moment. So over sensitive to noise, and over-reacting to DCs' behaviour, then their behaviour obviously worsens, and I feel like I can't cope with them, over-react again, and the cycle goes on. Dreading the Easter holidays. Have wondered many times whether I'm also on the spectrum but don't feel I'm in the right place mentally to pursue a diagnosis at the moment.

Kids fight constantly - lots of sensory stuff going on, DD is sensory avoider, DS is a seeker, she goads him, he bites her hard enough to draw blood, nothing seems to help. Noise levels are excruciating. Never a moment to just stop and think about how to tackle issues constructively, I just react in the moment and make it worse. Am such a shit mum - professional background in supporting vulnerable children and families, I KNOW all the stuff about behaviour being communication and how they're expressing sensory difficulties and anxiety - both DC very demand-avoidant - but I just can't deal with the constant conflict. EVERYTHING is a battle - eating, getting dressed, bathing, getting out of the house. I keep getting so impatient with them when they need me to help them calm down, then I'm paralysed with guilt.

No family locally, have given up my career as DC couldn't cope with out-of-school childcare and no scope to change job to fit in with school hours. Feel like I'm drowning.

Marchate Wed 23-Mar-16 17:11:37

Do you have a partner or are you coping alone?

TarkaLiotta Wed 23-Mar-16 17:23:57

Have lovely supportive DH who is v hands on with kids. He has health problems at the moment tho and I'm stressed about that too - he collapsed last month with suspected heart attack (only 41) and has v high blood pressure which GP is trying to bring down with various meds but not having much success yet. DH also has history of depression but not too bad at the moment.

Marchate Wed 23-Mar-16 18:01:34

So really, you are bearing a heavy load x

You know this anyway, but when the children are arguing, shouting, whatever, you mustn't join in. Your best defence if as near silence as you can manage. Finger to mouth, "Shhh", then whisper an instruction

Baffle them. Sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star In a very quiet voice. Put something silly on your head. Duck down behind a chair and say you are looking for a gold coin... Something mad. Tell them there's a little hamster under the carpet and they have to watch they don't scare it with noise. They can feel around for it too before it 'disappears into its nest' or whatever! Honestly, being an amateur children's entertainer is better than either joining in with the noise, or crying later

I think all of you need quiet time x

Ijustworkhere Wed 23-Mar-16 18:12:57

I feel your pain. I love my children dearly but sometimes the noise sends me into a tailspin. I notice at my DDs school they have a handmade 'noise-o-meter' on the wall which they put to red when it it's getting out of hand. DDs teacher also uses a rattle and countdowns to signal to the class to calm down. I know that's not addressing much but perhaps tricks like this would just give you time to react? In any case you're not alone!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now