sociey anxiety/mutism

[gillmc]

Does anyone else have a daughter who suffers from social anxiety. My daughter is 18 and really struggles talking to people which has resulted in her having no friends. She really cant start conversations and really struggles to join in. All she wants is to be able to have friendships and is really lonely. Ive tried getting her to go to groups and shes scared stiff. She's fine at home as long as its just me and her dad and is really witty with us but as soon as someone else comes in, even members of the family she just clams up and really struggles.
Just wondered if there was anyone else having similar problems please

[Thornrose]

Yes, my 16 yo dd is the same. She does have Aspergers though which I do realise is different to your dd's circumstances.

[gillmc]

She was tested for autism but I think it wasn't right as she was tested by someone at cahms who shed already been seeing for about 6 months so she felt comfortable with her so this didn't show how her communication problems. Does your daughter manage to make any friends x

[Thornrose]

It's interesting that your dd was tested for autism.

She had a group of friends in Year 5 and 6. They spent lots of time together and had sleepovers, the lot. It was amazing.

However it all went wrong in Year 7. She hasn't had a single friend since. People think she's weird because she doesn't speak. She literally cannot start a conversation. It's heart breaking.

Young people services in my area run groups for young people who are anxious or have social issues. Not necessarily autism specific. It's worth a look. They generally have a long waiting list.

[gillmc]

Totally the same as mine, we were actually referred to a youth group for young people with social anxiety. She went 3 times but wont go again. Apparently a few of them said to her 'youre quiet aren't you' Isnt that why she went or am I being totally thick.
So sorry yours hasn't got any friends either, its totally heartbreaking isn't it.
When you say about groups in your area, which area are you in if you don't mind me asking

[Thornrose]

Oh that's all she needed!

We're in West Sussex, there are groups for young people that have various issues. They've been bullied, have low self esteem, anxiety etc. Apparently the groups usually end up making friends!

I'm just waiting for a space to come up.

[gillmc]

That sounds like it could be good. Hope you get a place soon. Is that through a national organisation or a local group, keep my fingers crossed for you

[blimppy]

Another one here. DD(16) has Social Phobia, anxiety and agoraphobia, now with the added blessing of depression! She struggled with friendships throughout secondary school and didn't really ever gel with anyone there. She did have friends at primary school but has always hated busy, noisy situations, and waits to be invited rather than reaching out to people. That said, she has now made friends at sixth form college. Nonetheless, she really struggles and also suffers from selective mutism when she gets overwhelmed. Interestingly, despite no obvious indications of ASD, she clearly describes sensory overload and is looking increasingly to me and her college as though she has ADD. We are currently waiting for CBT, which I gather is really effective but has a waiting list many months long!

[gillmc]

hi blimpy, so sorry to hear the problems yours is having, so very simiar to mine aswell. I just wish I could make things better and easier. Mine is starting college next year and im praying she will make a friend there. can I please ask what CBT is, thanks

[blimppy]

Thanks gillmc. CBT is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and it is meant to be very effective for anxiety (and depression). I'm not quite sure what it involves in detail but it seeks to change the way that someone thinks by challenging negative cycles of thought. Sounds bit woolly, but apparently can work really well. In terms of starting college and making friends, the one up side is that DD has made friends at college - it is a much more relaxed and diverse place from school and she has found her niche socially. The slight down side is that lots of her friends are also battling a range of problems, so they offer support but perhaps also "normalise" some of the behaviour?