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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

Nearly at breaking point.. Dh doesn't understand

41 replies

Cat2014 · 08/03/2016 22:43

I have confided in dh tonight how I've been feeling but I'm not sure he's taking it seriously..
Basically I want to disappear. I've had enough. I told him
I feel close to breaking point.
I don't know how to ask for help any other way. I don't even know what would help me.

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Marchate · 08/03/2016 23:08

Can you tell us why things are so bad today? Is it worse than usual?

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NanaNina · 09/03/2016 00:27

Are you talking about a mental health issue Cat - are you on medication - are you getting any support from GP/Psychiatrist. I think it's really hard for people (especially men) to understand mental illness - in fact I don't think it's possible for anyone who hasn't experienced it to understand the torment that is involved.

Do you want to tell us a bit more.

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Cat2014 · 09/03/2016 06:33

Yes - I'm on citalopram but struggling at the moment. After I told him how I was feeling last night, you'd think dh would have a bit of awareness - yet this morning he wakes me while getting our son ready to complain about the washing not being up to date and then calls me grumpy when I get annoyed. Son has clothes just not the optimal outfir for his activity, however what is clean is fine. Yes another think I've failed at though apparently. have to go to work in 45 mins. Can't face it I'll fail at that as well, I can't cope with it all my boss is off sick and there's so much to do and I just don't know how to do it all. My son is upset because dh and I had words this morning now.

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Cat2014 · 09/03/2016 06:34

And it's not even real problems is it. How would I cope if something serious went wrong. Useless

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marmiteloversunite · 09/03/2016 06:42

You are not useless. You are ill. Can you take the day off and get an emergency appointment with the gp? Your husband is being an arse. He can always put the washing machine on too!

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Cat2014 · 09/03/2016 06:44

I can't take the day off I'd be letting so many people down. I'm really sorry for complaining I just feel I'm getting worse but if I go to the doctors they will just up my meds and I don't really want that

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marmiteloversunite · 09/03/2016 06:50

You are obviously not useless at work then if you can't take the day off! At some point though you need to look after yourself. What dose of citalopram are you on? It is not a failure to up the dose. If it isn't working, it isn't working.
Be kind to yourself today.

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Cat2014 · 09/03/2016 06:58

Thank you for replying. It's 30 mg but I had the same thing before and went up, felt better for a bit, now feel worse again.
I am working hard at work but there are things that are not getting done and soon people will realise.
Dh will now be pissed off with me.
My son will be concerned. He's so lovely. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him, I'm sure of that. He's the only reason I keep going sometimes.

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marmiteloversunite · 09/03/2016 07:05

Cat I am really sorry that it is so hard at the moment. How old is your son? Is your DH usually supportive. I know that my DH was frustrated at my depression and kept trying to solve my problems. He had to learn that I wasn't looking for solutions just a hug. It took a while to get to that though.

Have you had any counselling? 30 mg is quite low still. Is it possible for you to phone your gp and get a call back to see if you can increase it? Sorry lots of questions!!
Off to get kids up. Will check in later.

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Cat2014 · 09/03/2016 07:10

Thank you I really appreciate the replies.
I have had 2 lots of counselling. And cbt. I've come to the conclusion it doesn't really work for me. I should see my gp maybe I need a different type of ad or something.
Dh is sometimes supportive and sometimes not. It depends on his own mood. Sometimes he can be really short with me and other times very kind. I never know what to expect.

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marmiteloversunite · 09/03/2016 07:30

I think it is a good idea to see your gp. Try to make an appointment and that will be a step forward. Hope you have an ok day.

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NanaNina · 09/03/2016 13:16

Sounds like you're having a tough time cat but I think you need to go off sick from work for a few days - no one is indispensable. You can self certify can't you for 7 days I think. And yes another visit to the GP - ad maybe a change of AD. Do you know the trigger for your depression? I've had a lot of therapy and it hasn't done any good, and I'm on 3 different ADs and still get days when I want to die.

Your Dh sounds like hard work - unpredictability is just what you don't need with depression. How old is your son? I feel so much for you young mothers struggling - I'm a grandmother so don't have childcare worries, but I've heard so many of you say that it's the children that keep you going.

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marmiteloversunite · 09/03/2016 18:36

How was your day Cat? Hope it was bearable.

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Cat2014 · 10/03/2016 23:36

Thank you for the replies.
Had an almost total breakdown today. Exhausted, going to sleep now, will report back tomorrow. Really need help x

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Cat2014 · 11/03/2016 07:56

I need to go to the doctors today I think. What do I say? I'm terrified dh will leave me, he says he worries he's making me worse and he said maybe id be better off without him

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Marchate · 11/03/2016 09:13

Tell the doctor about your relationship too. She may have advice, or know of someone you can talk to

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QuiteLikely5 · 11/03/2016 09:18

That was not very nice of him!

Your MH and marriage problems are two seperate issues.

Best to get your health sorted first.

Look at ways to make your daily routine easier? Do you have a good routine going? Do you need some help organising it all?

Your work load.......have you looked up tips on how to minimise your tasks/organise it all better?

You can create posts on other boards here as I've seen similar posts and they give great tips

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fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 11/03/2016 09:22

Yes I hope doctor can help you.

I hope no one tells you to LTB. This is probably a stressful time for both of you and it's not a good time to think about that.

See what doctor says.

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Cat2014 · 11/03/2016 10:27

Yes i think all of that will help. I have tried some of it there's not enough hours in the day. And like this morning when I do have a couple of hours I don't know where to start. I'm waiting for the doctor to call me back. I'm getting panicky because I haven't heard from dh and I'm really worried he doesn't care any more. I was so upset last night and I don't even know why. I thought it was him but I don't know. It's probably my illness. I'm just so scared and tired and worried and sad and feel useless and I should be happy and I'm not. I want to have a bath but I'm scared I'll miss the phone call, it's my only day off for the next two weeks so I need to see doctor today if poss

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Cat2014 · 11/03/2016 11:53

Well wasnt a great deal of help really, spoke to doc, he wanted me to take 20 for a week then 10 for a week then come off the citalopram and move onto something else. I said I was worried I would get worse short term and couldnt afford to, I have to function. So he has put me up to 40 mg citalopram. Didn't seem to have a lot of time and just feel worse now.

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NanaNina · 11/03/2016 21:50

That doesn't make much sense does it. If the GP was talking of reducing citalopram by weaning you off it and starting you on something else, why is he putting the citalopram up to 40mg. The problem is that GPs see around 40 patients a day and unless you're very fortunate and get a good one, who works part time and so isn't totally frazzled you are not likely to get a very good service.

What do you want to do, come off the citalopram and try something else or try 40mg citalopram. I think you'd be better trying something else. Is there a mental health nurse at the practice that you could see? I don't want to sound harsh but there is no way that you "have to function" as that's the nature of illness be it physical or mental, it takes away our ability to function. You really are going to take some time off work I think, and have time to make an appointment with another GP (can you book a double appointment) and have a proper discussion about your meds, rather than a hurried phone call which has left you feeling worse.

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HPFA · 13/03/2016 18:38

I do think its really difficult for partners - mine is generally great but sometimes just reaches a limit. I don't really blame him but do still get upset! What works best is just asking him to do small things like hold my hand or stroke my hair and then telling him "thanks, that really helps".
OP, you have my total sympathy - sometimes this is so hard isn't it?

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Cat2014 · 13/03/2016 19:56

Thank you so much. I do have to function and I do have to go to work. But I think I will walk out tonight and go and never come back actually because dh just doesn't care enough. It's obvious. I'm fed up with having the same conversation. If he loved me he'd want to help. He just seems exasperated all the time. And when I perk up and join in with his families games etc he gets cross about something else and pushes me away. I can't win, he hates me miserable and he hates me happy. I need to go. I feel so bad for ds but he is better off without his sick mother causing all these problems. I am so torn. I am ready to go but it's ds that's stopping me

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Cat2014 · 13/03/2016 19:58

Please help me, what do I do? I need practical help here.. Do I walk out? If I stay how do I handle it all, or dh and I will have another emotional showdown.. Work tomorrow I can't cope if me and dh aren't getting on. I am so useless. I forgot to buy foil for sandwiches. He said he'd have a bag 'if nothing else on offer'. That made me feel shit then he said he didn't care.

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Marchate · 13/03/2016 20:22

Each day is different. It's not a criminal offence to run out of foil! He's making a drama out of nothing. He's doing you no good at all

If you weren't having problems with your health, you would be better off separated. But you're probably too anxious to even think of it

Try to keep going to work. It will keep you anchored