Need to SH

[willowcatkin111]

Do I leave dc (young teens) home alone whilst I go off and do it or stay and do it in the house with them. Dh is away so no one else to look after them and I usually end up in A&E for at least 18 hours.

[Marchate]

Okay, is it absolutely imperative you do it now? Can you divert yourself?

[willowcatkin111]

I've been diverting myself all week I certainly won't make it through tonight

[Marchate]

Can the children go to a friend?

I understand slightly. I have a young relative who does this. I realise it's not as easy as 'don't do it'

Somehow you must keep the teenagers safe from the consequences if you have to give in to it. I expect you don't want them to get involved. If you generally end up in A&E it must be a method that causes too much harm. But I'm not judging you, don't worry. I'm only trying to think how the young ones can be helped too. Is that okay?

[ImperialBlether]

What sort of thing are you thinking of doing, OP? Have you had medical help for this? I wouldn't leave young teens at home alone - that could create more problems.

Do you have a good friend you can call on for help?

[willowcatkin111]

I can't go into detail but not something I would want them to have to deal with which is why I usually take myself away. Cannot think of any other option but to leave them which would be slightly better than them having to call an ambulance.

[Marchate]

Is there even a slight chance you could wait until morning? I don't want you to think I'm uncaring. I'm thinking of you all as it's impossible to be an isolated unit when we have children

The thing you do sounds serious. Is there anything else you could do instead, just this time? Something that wouldn't affect the teenagers? I'm probably showing my lack of understanding here. I don't mean to sound like I think there's an easy option you're not trying

Is there a helpline you can phone?

[willowcatkin111]

Well I drove off at 1am but in the end could not do it and leave them to guess what had happened and worry about what they should do. Phoned the crisis team first thing and they sent police out then came themselves. Cue the 2 hour chat 'can you work with us'/ 'what's the point what will change' but we got somewhere in the end and they are phoning this afternoon and coming out again tomorrow . I hate that it takes things going this far for something to happen

[Quietlygoingmad67]

That's a massive step if you have been diverting all week and then also stopped yourself because of your children - im glad you finally have the help you deserve and need - I hope this is finally a step forward for you and your family - sending strength to you

[Marchate]

Why the police? That seems unnecessary

Yes, services are easier to access in a crisis. It's sad but inevitable

I hope you can find a different way to relieve your pain

[NanaNina]

Oh willow so sorry things are so crap. I have been on Ikea's thread and have been so impressed at the way you have been able to reach out to her, and you've helped me too this week as it's been a very bad week. Sounds like you don't mind the crisis team too much - I have a lovely CPN who will always come out if she can if I'm in a state. Marchate you've helped me too with your posts. I just find it hard to post about myself but read other threads and try to reach out to others.

I wondered why the police?

[Marchate]

Thank you for saying that NanaNina

[Marchate]

Did you get the phone call willow? I hope the home visit helps

[willowcatkin111]

Yes thanks phone call dead on time. Police understandable - when I SH it is potentially lethal and they take no chances. Tonight actually had moments of feeling glad to be alive!

[Marchate]

Here's a wee suggestion from an older lady!

Go to the notepad on your phone, write a few lines about feeling good last night. Nothing exaggerated or ott. When you feel bad again and need a bit of time to think before doing something dangerous, read it over. Maybe it will provide a sort of brake so you can choose a better time and place to do what you feel you have to do

Glad to see you back x