Self-care thread for anyone needing a nudge to keep looking after themselves. Anyone else?

[SevenOhTwo]

Thought I would start a thread for people to check in and pat themselves on the back for looking after themselves/state intentions/check progress etc. Sometimes having someone to 'report' to, as it were, can help motivate me to do things I otherwise don't!

I have a history of depression and anxiety going back I think to my teens. I have a 3yo, a 5yo and am pregnant with number 3. I moved house a long way across the country last year and have found the transition difficult. My partner works away and our relationship is a bit up and down (with a lot of downs in the last year or so).

I am not feeling too terrible at the moment, but I realised a while ago that the level of anxiety I accept as 'normal' is probably a lot higher than it should be. And I have been very flat and withdrawn feeling recently. I think some of it has been pregnancy hormones, and the shock of pregnancy but I don't think that's all of it.

I am terrified of the pressure of looking after 3 DCs - I think it took 2 years after DC2 was born for me to kind of 'normalise', and now the children are older it feels even more important that I don't let them down by being unable to be calm or fun or happy or capable. So I need to get on top of looking after myself as a priority.

Anyone else want to join and track progress in looking after themselves - please come and share!

[SevenOhTwo]

So, as for looking after myself, here is how I am doing and my aims:

Sleep - not having too much trouble atm, which is good (I was really struggling, and sleeping on a camp-bed in the kids room until recently because i felt too anxious if I slept anywhere else. Someone gave me the genius tip of listening to podcasts whilst going to sleep and so far (fingers crossed) that is really working. However, I am not getting myself to bed nearly early enough and I am shattered most days. My aim is to be in bed by 10.30.

Exercise - nothing, apart from school runs and I am a bundle of aches and pains. I would like to be doing something - however small - to move my body in a good way every day really.

Reaching out - not great; I've declined a few invitations recently and have been thinking about calling friends and then deciding against it. I am better when I talk to good people more and need to keep forcing myself to do this.

Professional help - I saw a therapist weekly from last September to June, which was really good for me, but I felt it had run its natural course. I think I need something slightly different now and have been putting it off but should get in touch and try to arrange some initial meetings with someone.

Getting stuff done - I feel better when I get at least something done that I need to do each day, but have been hiding away from it all recently. I don't want to push myself too hard, as that tends to backfire and means I go into total shutdown after a while, but need to keep things ticking over.

Interests for myself - I haven't done things 'for myself' consistently really since DD was born 5 years ago. Something else I think I need to work on.

So today, what have I done that is good?

• talked to my sister about something worrying me
  
• got outside and did some gardening with the kids
  
• stayed pretty calm all day (until bedtime! but that's pretty good really)
  

And now, I ought to go to bed. Apologies for such long posts.

[charley30]

Hi I'm very alone and would like to talk to someone

[onlyoranges]

Hi Charley we are all here for you. How are you doing

[Comfortzone]

Good thread idea OP
Self care is higely important as in my experience anxiety depression can relapse at any time and can be caused a lot by the pressure we put on ourselves, sometimes also caused by the parenting we received as children. I find that letting all of that go telling ,yself I'm doing great as a mum of 3little kids, inspite of what my parents expected me to do with my life (have a high flying career)

Each day it is crucial to self comfort and self nurture. More than someone who doesnt suffer anxiety/depression

Charley do you want to talk more? plenty around here to listen this evening

[charley30]

Thank u feeling very alone and needy wish I had someone to come take care of me had a very anxious day and finding things tough x

[Alfieisnoisy]

Great thread idea. It's been a really stressful year for me as DS was really struggling in school. He's now in a special school and much happier. In that time I've gained 3 stones though and seem to have lost sight of "me".

Now DS is settling down its time for me to rediscover myself and start looking after myself properly again.

Glad to see this thread as its all bed at the back of my mind for several weeks.

[Alfieisnoisy]

And I am the anxiety queen.

[charley30]

Iv had a crap year I don't know the person I am now my thyroid condition messed my life up in February and I haven't been the same since I reach out for support but can't seem to get the rite help doc started me on sertraline in June 50 mg and after a hellish 8 weeks I felt slightly better but thyroid still diddnt stabilize so it keeps messing with my mood I don't know if I'm coming or going from one day to next doc asked me to increase antidepressant to 75 but said it wud cause anxiety and depression in first few weeks o got really scared and cudnt face it convinced I could make it on 50 mg spent most of last week crying and very emotional and can't tell doc I haven't increased convincing myself it's thyroid again I got bloods done yest so won't know till next week they also checked iron and have referred me to dietitian as Iv lost so much weight Iv lost all my confidence and most of my hair I need help please advise me i don't know wat to do they've referred me to a con Iv seen her twice but no help to me in a crisis like a really bad panic attack and telling me to calm down and stop crying Iv a daughter and want to get well but feel so lost Iv no support I feel like beg a friend x sorry for long post shows how little I get to talk x

[charley30]

My life revolves around taking meds and trying to eat I just want to be a proper mum again not this shell of a person I don't even leave the house anymore . Sorry to be a moan feel like Iv hijacked the thread sorry to hear about your problems with your son so things are settling down for u and y do you describe urself as queen of anxiety am I not lol x

[Monkeybabiess111]

Can I join I'm currently going threw a breakdown "If that's the right word.
I have eupd depression and anxiety I've only just started citalopram so still very raw and not taking care of me at all, I sh and have suicidal thoughts a lot right now.
I want to get back to being stable I have 2 dc 1 with sn 1 baby so I need to find a away to be stable and stop the thoughts in my head from taking over.

Today I ate which I've not really being doing.
I put clothes on and went for a bath I haven't been taking care of me at all but Dp ran me a bath, I put clothes on after instead of pyjamas.
I also logged back online as I went into hiding for a few days which made my thoughts worse.
My biggest one today is I didn't self harm, I coloured instead so I need to keep that in my mind when things go dark.

[charley30]

Well done to u that is s great achievement

[Monkeybabiess111]

How is everyone the morning.

We never got much sleep dd has a blocked nose.
I made her breakfast and fed her in bed, still in bed now half asleep and af has arrived so not feeling great with cramps I'm really emotional the morning staying in bed right now till I calm down is better for me.

Aim for today get dressed.
Eat something.
Try and go outside ds was away last night down the street so I want to go and collect him but I'm very anxious of going outside right now.
Big one remember to distract myself if I get sh thoughts.

[charley30]

Hi you are very together with making decisions I just feel confused wen i wake I can't seem to make rational decisions I had a poor nites sleep and a lot of nitemares

[Monkeybabiess111]

I spent an hour colouring it's been helping me settle down a bit, I was a mess 2 hours ago.
Have you ever tried colouring it's a good way to forget what's happening around you and gives me something to concentrate on, I took this photo last night but this what I've done the last few days when everything gets to much or my mind gets clouded, it's a short term fix but it's better than what I would normally do and more effective I think.

[Katytatiepot]

Hi, can I join please? Feeling really low and worried I'm on course for a set back.

I have a history of anxiety (was on meds in 2011 and then again for a very brief stint in March-April this year). I used to suffer daily panic attacks but have not got myself to a point where they happen so rarely I've forgotten when my last full one was. I have wobbles where I could easily slip into one but I'm able to calm my breathing and stay focused.

I've found that change is a huge trigger for me (even if the change is positive) Last big set back was just before I got married and I couldn't cope with the planning of the wedding and the stress of my job at the same time. My current anxiety resides over the fact I'm due to move house sometime in the next two weeks, have just had a chemical pregnancy which I'm devastated about and I'm having a really tough time at work. I've never taken time off work through my anxiety but I really feel like I need a break or I'm going to crack.

I am trying to help myself by reminding myself how far I've come, using breathing techniques, trying not (and failing) to eat well, lots of distraction things (colouring, puzzles etc) but the worries won't go away.

[SevenOhTwo]

Hello, sorry I started this thread then disappeared! Combination of being away from home and suddenly feeling all self-conscious at having actually started a thread.

charley so sorry to hear what a tough time you are having. It sounds incredibly difficult both worrying about your health and the condition and/or meds impacting on your moods and mental health. Are there any specific support groups for thyroid conditions you can access? How are you doing today? Would you like to get out of the house more? Can you maybe set yourself a really small goal for getting out if so? Hope things looking up for you soon.

comfort absolutely agree with all you wrote. I am a bit similar in life position in that am at home looking after dc not having the career a lot of people I think expected me to have. I hated my job and have no idea what to do when I go back to work.

alfie glad your DS doing better. Must be so horrible having to send your kid somewhere they're not happy. What are you thinking about doing for you now?

monkey sounds like you are doing brilliantly in a very difficult time. I did a lot of colouring when my anxiety was very bad a few months ago and it was really helpful. How are you doing today?

katie sorry to hear about your chemical pg - I had one a couple of months before conceiving dd and was really shocked by how low it left me feeling. It didn't feel like I should feel that bad but it is really tough. And totally sympathise re change. I am not good with change - I seem to only see what I am losing in the change and not be able to see what I am gaining, and I just don't like too much uncertainty. House moves are really stressful for pretty much everyone as well I think. Good luck with yours!

As for me, well weirdly the day after posti this having felt pretty wobbly for weeks, I had a really good day. I think it is partly to do with being in a place I like (where we used to live before we moved) but also something just seemed to lift.

Yesterday and today some health anxiety has been creeping in again - feeling very panicky when nauseous (pg so nausea should feel normal but it makes me feel like I am anxious, then I start to get hyper aware of my breath and feel very panicked) and obsessing about a tiny patch of skin that hurts like a bruise but doesn't look bruised. on the whole though, not bad. Certainly no shadow of depression at the moment.

Just looked back to my initial list and think my aim for today should be to do some kind of exercise - always good and haven't done anything for a long long time.

[Monkeybabiess111]

Seven good luck with the exercise, I've not exercised in years.

Charley I hope your having a better day.

Katie I'm sorry about your chemical pregnancy, I can sympathise we've had 2 mc. We also have an up in coming house move which I'm deliberately not thinking about until we get the date of entry then I will panic.


Yesterday I got dressed and ate but couldn't go out side I panicked.
Today's not any better, I want to be in bed, I did manage to sleep for 5 hours last night which is a bloody miracle and I've still not self harmed but I feel the urge strongly today but trying everything not to.
I'm dressed though, I have the two dc as Dp is working until 5 when he comes in my aim is to stay up and go for a bath I keep neglecting myself, it takes every bit of effort to do the simplest things but I know deep down it will help.

[Katytatiepot]

Monkey please take care of yourself! Have a good relaxing bath with lots of bubbles and a good book and try to put your mind at ease! Let us know how you're doing so we don't worry!

Seven I know what you mean about becoming hyper aware of breathing and ending up more freaked out! I totally associate being out of breath with a panic attack so sometimes when I exercise (or DTD with DH) I forget that being breathless is normal and have to fight to stay out of a panic. It's crazy what our brains do to us.

[Comfortzone]

How are you all today? I find that if any of you are at home all day with DCs having a basic structure to my day really helps - waken, hot shower wash hair while DC in cot or in a safe area nearby (bouncy chair, high chair) Washing my hair each day is crucial to my feeling that I'm doing well - i find on the days I don't bother to wash hair, events of the day take on a worse perspective

I then take a strong coffee, toast, get DCs ready, then take a walk around the block in morning, even to pick up a pint of milk with the DCs, stop at a local park if there is one?

Then home, feed DCs carbs of some sort to help them nap better then actually have a nap yourselves - even just lying down for half an hour - really helps recharge the brain and settle the anxious thoughts.

It just really helps me getting out in the morning otherwise I get that cooped up feeling of being stuck in the house all day.

Afternoons are usually quiet with the DCs as they;ve been walked already in the morning

[Comfortzone]

Also making sure I drink enough water each day helps clear my head - literally.

[Monkeybabiess111]

I never did anything I actually made it to the end of the street,we ran out of electricity so I had to, I cried when I got home I feel so stupid I have no idea why.
I had a bath and now about to attempt to put two dc to bed which will take me a few hours as neither like sleeping and will also keep me from cutting which I haven't today still.
I was meant to get dinner but forgot, Dp said he will bring something in after 11 as he goes out soon but I most likely won't eat then. I'm hoping I can get to sleep when the dc do :/

[Comfortzone]

How old are your DC Monkeybabiess111? I usually give mine some cereal before bed to help them sleep better, little cuddles and sing songs in their room. It takes a lot out of me to do it, but if I do it often they associate it with bedtime and sleep.

Take it easy, you've done well today even getting out of the house.

[Comfortzone]

Also we've got to think how far we've come in our lives to be able to hold down a relationship and raise children. My DC need me to keep things together and since I had aggressive parents growing up myself, I make a really hard effort to keep my home my calm safe zone for myself and them. It's so important for me to be here for them. I have to tell myself each day I'm doing well as a mum and to look at how far I've come.

[Monkeybabiess111]

Comfort my biggest fear is messing up my dc, I was abused when I was younger which I believe is what caused me to have eupd and I want my children to have a happy and healthy childhood.

My dc are ds is 4 and had asd so doesn't sleep or stop until he falls asleep and doesn't stay asleep for long but is improving, dd is 7 months and just doesn't like to sleep and I be her so it's me that's up every night.
I've spent months on as little as 3-4 hours sleep each night last night was 5 which has helped but I desperately need more.

[Monkeybabiess111]

Has asd not had :/