Anyone there to hand to hand hold?

[Ikeatears]

I'm struggling. Anyone there?

[Azulejo9]

I'm here, are you ok? Do you need to talk

[Justanotherday1]

I'm here if you want to talk

[Ikeatears]

Thank you. I'm having an awful time with depression and anxiety. Saw crisis team for first time ever yesterday. Added diazepam and quetiapine to my mirtazipine. Can't stop the awful thoughts. Home treatment team coming today

[Azulejo9]

Take a diazepam & go make yourself a cup of tea. If you are in bed get up and try to keep busy so you don't have time to think. What time is your appointment at?

[Ikeatears]

I didn't want to take it so early cos I can only have 2 a day and they wear off quickly. I've taken a quetiapine - will that help? They're phoning so I don't know time

[Ikeatears]

I'm devastated that it's got to this point. Dh is currently clearing the medicine cabinet and putting it all away because I can't stop thinking about taking a load of drugs. I don't think I will but I need them not to be there so I can't imagine them there - does that make sense?

[Ikeatears]

Anyone? I just need to keep talking.

[queenrollo]

Morning. I'm just mooching about on the internet and drinking tea. I can stay here for a little bit and chat if you like.

[Ikeatears]

Thanks. I just can't stand the anxiety. I feel like I'm losing my mind. It also feels like the quetiapine makes me MORE anxious

[PeaceOfWildThings]

It makes sense, yes. I've had to clear the house of meds etc more than once in my life for that reason. It did pass. Getting up and doing something for myself and others, even just a cup of tea, helped me. Still does.

I don't know anything about the ones you are being prescribed, sorry. Someone will know, keep asking. (Saying this here instead of bumping yesterday's thread).

[queenrollo]

Do you know what time the Home Treatment Team are coming?

Have you eaten and had a drink?

I'm waiting for my builder to arrive, having my kitchen refurbished. Will be so glad to get the mess over and done with and my cooker back so I can bake!

[Ikeatears]

No they're phoning me.
I don't know what I'm expecting from them

[Ikeatears]

And yes, I've had a cup of tea and half a slice of toast. I'm finding it difficult to swallow food

[Azulejo9]

I know you don't want to take it too early but it's been prescribed for these instances when you need it. Hopefully you feel a bit better now?

[Ikeatears]

I'm trying to relax but legs are so restless and I feel so anxious into the pit of my stomach up to my throat and over my head. If I take it now then later today will be unbearable. I'll take it after dh goes to work

[Ikeatears]

Queen I'd love a new kitchen but can't afford it this year. I wish I could bake. I can cook but I can't bake

[queenrollo]

It's taken 6 years to get to the point of having the kitchen done. Major building work to take a dividing wall down and open up the space.
I'm not a great cook, but DH loves cooking. I'm not a super baker either, but do enjoy it.
We grow a lot of our own fruit and veg and it's all piling up as I can't process any of it on the little Baby Belling. And all my jars and big pans are in storage.
(I have a Rayburn which also runs my heating - the house is starting to feel cold now the weather has turned. I am SO looking forward to lighting it and feeling warm again)

[PeaceOfWildThings]

Do you have any vitamin tonics you could take? Some of the things you are describing sound like how I feel when I'm low on iron, or other minerals/vitamins.

Is it painful to swallow, physically difficult, or the thought of food is unappealing? (I have thyroid disease, swallowing can sometimes hurt. Children have eating disorders. I understand.)

[Ikeatears]

Winter is my favourite season (although it would be summer if the sun would ever shine!) I hope I'm better soon. I'd hate to ruin Christmas for the dc

[queenrollo]

Summer was always my favourite but over the last few years I've come to love Autumn more.

I'm sure you will be much better by Christmas. You have plenty of time to look after yourself and find the right treatment and start to come out of this dip.
The last time I was bad (triggered by severe sleep deprivation and dealing with appointments/treatment for my son who was born with a medical condition) I hit rock bottom in the September and with medication and support I was much better by the end of the October, and we had a lovely relaxed Christmas.

[Ikeatears]

Oh I hope you're right queen, I just can't see an end to it at the moment

[Ikeatears]

Take me the diazepam now. It does help a bit with the anxiety - it make sit bearable at least but it seems to make me cry more (if that's even possible!) oh I'm such a mess. I hate this. I can't believe this is what I've come to. I'm so sad and frightened and my heart hurts and I just can't do it

[queenrollo]

You can do it. Five minutes at a time today. Or two minutes. Or ten minutes. However you need to break the day up, do that. It will pass.

My builder has arrived now and the toddler is very excited by it, so I have to spend some time distracting him and then go out for a bit to shop and have a walk to burn off some energy.
I'll dip in and out as I can though.

[PurpleDaisies]

Are the home treatment team calling you back on your house phone? Could you go out for a walk if not? A change of scenery and a bit of fresh air might be a good distraction.

[Ikeatears]

Thanks