Still feel panicky every time i take a tablet will this get better ?

[breakfastfairy]

Hello, i am on day 8 of Cipramil only a 10mg dose for depression and anxiety, but each morning about half hour after I take I feel really wierd, panicky, racing thoughts etc, I know I need something as I have had very dark depressing thoughts and not wanting to cope with my life but this is scary too. i felt calmer this morning when I got up, and then youthink, hey perhaps I dont need these ADs after all ! its very scary either way, I know 10mg is not strong, in fact ten years ago I took 20mg for 5 years on and off after my first husband died and in the end i forgot that I was on them at all. This time I have a little one 3 years and its extra scary looking after her and coping with all this. Scared of depression, scared of side effects, scared of panic attacks Arrrrrrrrggggg

[fizzbuzz]

Hi Breakfast fairy, I remember your last posting.
I think if it is not working and is making you feel like this after 8 days you should go back to GP.

I had very similar experience on sertraline. Initially took it 11 years ago when dp left me. I was on it for years and forgot I was taking it.

I was then prescribed it after a very traumatic miscarriage and it crippled me with anxiety, because I was very anxious at the time of taking it. However symptoms did improve quite fast after about 3 weeks, but it was very scary whilst waiting for it.

I think you should ask gp for valium (which is normal when first taking ssri's)to help you feel less scared and anxious, until you start to feel better.

[bakedpotato]

I remember your other thread -- I really feel for you. Other people will probably say that you should stick with it but as someone who had an unbearable time on an SSRI, I would say this AD doesn't suit you.

Some SSRIs just make a tiny minority of people feel worse: more jittery, more anxious. Don't get hung up on the dosage issue.

The key question has to be: do you feel worse now than when you started? If you do, please get onto your GP again and ask to try something else.

[breakfastfairy]

thanks bakedpotato and fizzbuzz I was refreshing page every second to see if any replies ! how sad am I ? was getting desparate even about that I think the honest answer is that the dark not wanting to live thoughts have lessened, I have even had the odd positive thought like, "oh I could that for Christmas for mum etc" so perhaps the depression is getting better, but the anxiety and lonliness is hard, but if I distract myslef by cleaning or watching TV I seem to get over the panic for a bit, so perhaps I should persevere, Im seeing GP tomorrow to discuss progress. If I dont think further ahead more than one minute I seem to cope, if I think of this afternoon I feel panicky, any memories you had of the same ? x

[zippitippitoes]

I think quite possibly two things will help, one is being on it for longer it is still very early days as it akes a while to work

you should feel better at about two weeks

also you are on a very low dose and i think that you may feel a lot better on a higher one and paradoxically less like you are taking ads

I think when the dose is low it can have an agitating effect

[lulumama]

agree with zippi...am a bit surprised that you have been prescribed such a low dose considering the severity of your symptoms...can you ask for a referral to a psychiatrist..they can prescribe and have a far better knowledge of ADs than a doc..

have you been referred for any counselling too?

story if already asked this..my memory is rubbish!

[bakedpotato]

The anxiety is part of the depression, sweetheart.
Do be frank with your GP, don't hide anything or feel you have to be brave, s/he needs to know how it is making you feel.
Yes, that feeling of not being able to imagine how you'll get through the next few minutes, let alone hour/afternoon, is just so frightening.
Keep doing stuff that makes you feel safe, telly, cleaning (if that works for you ). Is there anyone you can call who can come and just be in the house with you, not necessarily to talk, just so you have company?
Don't test yourself with tasks/trips you don't need to do.

[zippitippitoes]

I am taking cipramil as well at the mo

started this time just under five weeks ago

started on 20mg and changed to 40mg last week and feel much less anxious

[breakfastfairy]

My god.. I have just had a surge of a happy feeling, the sun has come out and I sat with my dd reading a book and then I had a little feeling of happiness Im in shock, can it be the effect of the tablets at last giving a positive effect ???? Im so gratful for just that little feeling I want to shout about it ! is this the beginning of something ?

[bakedpotato]

I think it's a great sign -- here's hoping it stays around for a bit.

Keep the doc's appt though won't you?

[breakfastfairy]

yes, bakedpotato definitly want to see doctor, but its amazing to feel a little surge of happiness after this black hole tunnel of hell ! It gives me hope that I will get better, that is surely the tablets working a bit ? x x

[breakfastfairy]

You guys on here have been my life saver, last Tuesday when I was at the lowest point, I literally didnt want to be here anymore, I was so scared that I could even think that with my lovely dd etc but I kept reading posts about taking ADs and saw how it had helped others and readintg that other people feel that desperate as myself was at least a comfort that there is a way out x Im still scared,its so recent that breakdown day and all week with my husband home but I have a small feeling of possibility a remembering I have felt happy before x

[zippitippitoes]

you will feel better

I spent 11 weeks in hospital a few years ago and i know it is possible to get back

[breakfastfairy]

zippitippitoes I have wanted to go somewhere where they can look after me, so I can sleep and shut it all out, I have never ever felt like that before, it must be what people mean by a breakdown ? you must have been feeling really bad to go to hsopital, and yet you say you got back. That is so reassuring, so there always is a way back x do you have to take ADs now ? x how do you keep well now? x

[zippitippitoes]

It's complicated and a very long story of mental disintegration but immediately before I went in I was so scared that I refused to leave the docotors surgery..I told him I wanted to stay with him all day

he managed to get me to leave on the grounds that i would get an immediate hospital admission and I was admitted later that day


I haven't had any medication for several years since then 1999

but i finally gave in a few weeks ago as I couldn't carry on realisitically...and I'm taking the ads again..a lot easier journey at the moment than then

[lulumama]

i spent 3 weeks in a hospital for severe depression...3 years ago now....have been well virtually since i left and had DD and all is well..no PND rearing its ugly head this time

it was the best decision i made , going into hospital..i had tried everything else and was sinking further each minute of each day...

there is hope..and you can and will get well...x

[fizzbuzz]

Breakfast Fairy, so many of us have been where you are now....you will get better. I have been in that terrified and scared place where you are, but one day you will realise you feel much better.

I reckon feeling scared and anxious is just about the worst anyone can feel, especially when you are scared of yourself.

I remember sitting in doctors surgery, saying "no no, I can't take these tablets, I'm too scared." he was very patient, and pointed out to me, that the tablets would take the fear away, but I had to take the first step....

You will feel better

[breakfastfairy]

I hope i dont have to go into hospital, I think I am better in that i have had some moments of feeling calm today and have managed to take and pick up daughter to nursery and I have done some cleaning so I am functioning in some way, though there is an undercurrent of terror ! I suppose i want someone to tell me I am alright and that everything will be alright and Im not going to go mad ! x x

[zippitippitoes]

you will be all right

it is early days for the tablets

I haven't seen your posts but try to have good bedtime habits and avoid caffeine and alcohol

[lulumama]

you are ok....taking baby steps all the time... chinks of light in the dark are good...x

[breakfastfairy]

I would never believe that other people could feel like I do, in RL who ever talks about this ? I feel such relief that there are mums out there who understand how scary it is. The fear of being scared of yourself is just unbelievably horrible, how can it be that this has happened ? I have had tough times but always had strategies to cope, now its just not believalbe that I did all those things, driving to friends, rushing around being happy. I hope that this will mean things change, in a way I think they have to change, when I 'broke down' on tuesday I kept saying I cant live htis life any more, this life is over etc, Im sure thats just the depression cos I have had some good times, but deep down its been a very hard time with constant repressed unhappiness. I cant change things at the mo tho as its all I can do to hang on and lean on my husband or anyone else just to get through x x

[lulumama]

(((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))

breakfastfairy....you sound like me when i was depressed...sadly, people who have never expereicend it don;t understand or don;t know waht to say...there is still a stigma attached to it....which makes it hard to talk about..... but there is always someone here who can listen and offer some words of comfort..you are not alone.....xx keep going...there is hope..xx

[breakfastfairy]

Thanks Lulumama, going to get ready for bed now, the thought of another day looming like a lead weight ! I have a breast check early tomorrow at hospital, this was booked 4 months ago cos I was worried about a puckering on my breast, GP thinks probably nothing but referred me anyway. I dont know if i can face that tomorrow, have GP late morning to discuss progress and then pick daugher up from nursery, seems like too much to me. Perhaps best to go to breast check just to get that dealt with, sure its nothing, if I truly feel I cant do it I just wont, my sanity is more important at the moment. Hope to have SIL coming pm to play with dd, at least that will be some company and a break or sorts. Its soooo hard this getting through business ! I will never take happiness for granted again ! night night everyone x x

[zippitippitoes]

hope all goes well today..as lulu says try not to think too far ahead

[breakfastfairy]

Hello , I did manage to go to the breast clinic and I did take my daughter to nursery, which is a suprise as I lay in bed last night crying to my husband that I cant look after my dd anymore and that I would probably die soon Well I went to GP about an hour ago and he said iu could up the dose to 20mg now as it was in my system and would not be too much of a shock ? Im still scared, havent taken todays one yet, should I take it and not panic about the increase ? I feel calmer today so does that mean I dont need the tabs and its taking the tablet that makes me worse or is it the tablets starting to work thats making me calm aaarrgggg !!! this is the scope of my thoughts at the moment. I have the packet in front of me, daughter next door watching pocoyo eating her lunch.... shall I go for it ? I feel a bit of happiness at this precise moment does that mean its cos I havent taken tablet today ? or is that illogical and I need to take tablet.. sorry to ramble and repeat x x x

[zippitippitoes]

take the tablet..20mg is still a modest dose

good for you managing to do what you've done today

I think it's better to take tablets in the evening but that's just individual preference

to get through things you have to do like looking after your daughter, cooking, shopping, washing dishes etc try imagining you are acting the role out and enjoying it