Sinking

[whatbecomesofsnow]

I need some help and Im not too sure where to turn sorry this will be very long, appologies also for spelling mistakes

Over the last 2 years I have been out of work due seasonal work ending, being pregnant and being turned away from jobs then having DD then trying to find a job that fits in with DP's hours I have been diagnosed with depresion and anxiety
My origonal HV has moved away so had a new one start before origonal HV left I said I needed help and she started the ball rolling the new HV has seen me twice left a phone message and never botherd since.

I was turned away from 3 Dr's with a "tummy bug" and one was rather rude to me saying I was waisting his time when I had gallstones it took another Dr to diagnose me, I had my gall bladder out when DD was 3 months.

Since the operation so over a year I have had no control over my bowels, agonising pains, and more. Finally after months of fighting I have seen a specialist who said I had crohns no ifs ands or buts.
When I called for my results from a colonoscopy, large bowel only, the origonal Dr who was rude called back with them and said I probably had a tummy bug again or IBS at worst as the results were inconclusive as they showed no inflamation or fisures etc

Iv done loads of research now and Crohns can effect the entire digestive system not just the large bowel but the Dr wont send me for any more tests, i had to fight like mad to get him to refer me to a dietition like the specialist wanted.

Both my nans have been diagnosed with breast cancer within a few weeks of eachother one im very close to but live too far away to visit often its painful that none of my cousins or brother who live in the same town as her bother. Nan 1 is very important to me as I dont get on with my parents well shes the only good influence i have.
Nan 2 never had much to do with me nor I her she has her favorates but i do visit and try hard with her

I have a rubbish relationship with my 'D'ps they are both alcoholics, abusive both physical and mental when I was younger and still EA now bit dont seem to realise it.
I still see them as I live far too close to go NC and honestly I just go through the motions with them as I think for me now its far easier to pretend I like them as I have done my whole life than to open that can of worms
They used to drag us out of bed at ?o'clock to choose who we wanted to live with, M used to beat the living crap out of me and cant remember wouldnt even admit it had happend ect theres more but I dont think I could write it all in one day

Im struggaling now DP is going through a tough time at work having to do training and he works long hours over the summer so hes not home much at the moment, DP has some form of ASD not diagnosed but very obvious, Iv been begging family and DP for help now that my depression is back and nobody cares not the Dr's not family not DP I dont know who to turn to
I spend my days crying, shouting and screaming at DP ignoring DD as much as I can, I work 4 jobs but they dont add up to even 1 full time role but constant split shifts are a nightmare and DP and i together dont earn enough to pay all the bills and buy DD shoes and clothes even second had which is all shes ever had.

I dont feed DD properly (15m) I dont mean I starve her but i just cant be botherd there have been days only in the last few weeks when shes had a packet of crisps,banana and yogurt for her tea
She eats lunch at Pils mon -fri while i work has toast bannana/apple every morning because shes fussy about breakfast but i just dont have the enery/want to get up and cook DP and I have been living off crap cheap £1 ready meals and the like for a while as i wont and hes too tired to cook at 8ish when he gets home

DD is asleep right now Im desperate for a wee but cant go as it would wake her up walking past her room and i just want peace and quite for a bit longer

If youve made it this far well done and sorry for moaning i just dont know who to turn to it comes on so quick I can be ok for amorning fake my way through work but it just hits me for no reason and Ill break down or scream at DP its going to break us apart soon or worse

[lizabeth0607]

I know how you feel, no real advice tho. I think it's time to see a GP if you haven't already?