I don't wanna be depressed

[anothernamechanger]

I don't want to be that person again.

I don't want to worry everyone. I am an intelligent person, there is no need for me to be depressed. I have two beautiful healthy children. I have a husband who loves me. I have a home - ok, it is not OUR home, but it is a good size and we have money to pay rent.

We don't have much other money (food is a luxury right now), and that is all my fault because I am the one who controls the money, therefore it is me who screwed it all up.

I have ways of earning money, but I am too fckin lazy to do them (or lethargic with depression? or just plain tired?)

My house looks like sht for same reasons as above.

I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna be this anymore.

I just want to curl up and sleep. I want it all to go away.

[wheelsanddollbaby]

Have you tried AD's? They sound like they could lift the black cloud and enable you to do some of the things you don't feel up to at the moment. Don't be so hard on yourself, you are not too lazy to do stuff, you are depressed. I think you should consult your GP.

[anothernamechanger]

Still on "its just a phase" and "i'll snap out of it again soon" at the moment

[Blyton]

Stop beating yourself up. If you have 2 healthy beautiful children that means you are a good mother and doing a fab job even though you don't feel like you are. Don't worry about the house, as long as it's liveable & clean who cares that everything's not pristine & orderly. Talk to someone - your partner, GP, health vistor, family, friends - about how you feel and hopefully they can help you onto the road to recovery. Don't suffer in silence as with the right care and perhaps medication (which isn't a bad thing if they get you back on track) you can pull through this & enjoy your life again. It'll take time but start doing something now - however small - to get that enjoyment of your life, of your kids, back. Good luck.

[lulumama]

i never had a reason to be depressed

but i was for years...had a lovely child, a nice house,lots of friends and a good family....

it is a chemical imbalance..it can be treated....and why not? if you had any other sort of illness, you wouldn;t hesitate to get some help.......

it won;t go away..but you cannot deal with anything else until you take control of your health...xx

[anothernamechanger]

I am hearing all my own normal advice coming back at me!

[lulumama]

then you know what to do , don;'t you i am the best giver of advice....do i ever follow it...not a chance...been meaning to go to the docs about something for 12 months now!

[flamesparrow]

I think I need non-anonnymous support

I know I need to go to the doctors, but I need to get my head round it first.

My teeth are now falling to bits too, to add another fun thing to the equation - gonna have to go and have lots of work done on Thursday

[flamesparrow]

Right. The plan (at the moment as I am feeling brighter) is to use this to ramble away... you don't need to reply - it just helps to write down.

Right now I am feeling slightly brighter than I have been all morning. I am feeling more back to my "it all works out in the end" attitude.

The generosity of the Christmas thread has made me feel all warm n fuzzy (and I am happy that I have something I can offer as well as having to put my name down for the recieving ).

DS is sleeping. He is miserable because he is unwell - not because he hates me.

DD is at pre-school - always brighter .

Dentist appointment is booked, and it is still free - another plus.

I will be able to get childcare even if I don't like asking people.

I will be back here later when I am feeling argh...

[flamesparrow]

I am a lot brighter again this evening - feeling more in control.

Talking honestly about how I am feeling has helped so much, even if it is only talking to myself

[lulumama]

hi flame...glad you are feeling a bit more positive...xx

[flamesparrow]

Great. Turns out our rent standing order wasn't increased so we now owe them £15 too.

[mummyhill]

Hi flame, sorry to hear about the rent shame they don't do it by dd as they control the direct debit with standing orders you have to inform the bank and make the change yourself.

Know what you mean about food being a luxury atm. We are living off smartprice and anything that is reduced that can go in the freezer when I go shopping. I physically can't do anymore hours at work due to dh's hours and not having anyone else other than him to look after the kids.

As for the house I need a miracle here I tried flying but kept falling behind so droped off the threads.

I am also going through it's just a blip everything will be ok when I can pull myself together. Have been on AD's so often I hate taking them but think we both need to go talk to the gp.

You are a good mum cause you take the time to realise that there is something wrong and try to fix it iyswim. Things will get better when we get the treatment we need. Keep posting sweetheart.

[flamesparrow]

Much much happier tongih - I have had a couple of glasses of wine though

Grandad should be out of hospital on Friday

Money is sh*t but people on here are so lovely (especially MumOfMonsters) that I am feeling like we will cope, and that people care.



Thankyou all for being supportive - you are all so kind.

[flamesparrow]

I dropped very low again for a few days, but am suddenly much more positive, even with no money and a broken washing machine.

I am hopeful that I am on the way back up