I'm not gelling with my CBT therapist (putting it mildly) WWYD?

[notthestereotype]

Hi,

I've had depression and anxiety on and off since my very early teens. I say off, but actually I think it's more about coping with it better, rather than not having it iyswim. It's always there, just to a lesser or greater degree.

Anyway, I've had therapy as a teenager, which was bloody useless! Seriously awful. Then again 4 or 5 years a go, although this was in the form of CBT. I did find it useful and I liked my therapist. She was very friendly, thoughtful and just incredibly professional. I took a lot from those sessions, but unfortunately over the past year or so, I could feel myself creeping back into old habits and so, with a little of encouragement from dp, I started the ball rolling and decided to get some help, starting with my GP. I was assessed and scored very high on anxiety and moderate with depression. I have been on the waiting list for ages and I've just had my second session with my new therapist.

Well, I just don't like him. Not necessarily as a person, but as a therapist, I'm sorry, but he's just awful. He looks really bored, never smiles, forgets things I've literally just told him and there are really awkward silences and not in a good way and by good way I mean, when they give you an opportunity to talk. I do talk, but there has to come a time when they offer you some kind of advice, or coping strategy. He asks me the same questions and keeps reminding me that I don't have many sessions left.

I just don't know what to do. I know I need to see someone, but this is just a complete waste of time. I don't know who I'm supposed to talk to. I don't like the idea of telling him at all! I don't want to offend him, but he is getting paid and he should be doing his job properly.

How would you tackle this? Would really appreciate any advice.

Thanks for reading.

[Aquamarine70]

I saw someone just like this & it was so frustrating that I never got anything out of the sessions & didn't want to go back. I've seen numerous psychotherapists & after a few sessions if I did not gel with them I didn't go back. Is the therapist through the NHS or private?

[notthestereotype]

Hi Aqua. It's through the NHS. I really don't think I could afford private right now. I'm worried about going back to the drawing board and having to wait another few months. I mean, what if I get someone similar? Is this a case of beggars can't be choosers? I would like to think the NHS therapists are just as good as private therapists, but if this guy is anything to go by, well, it's left a bad taste in my mouth.

[honeyandfizz]

I tried a private one last week for anxiety too and it was terrible. It was in a grotty little office in her brothers house. There were 3 dogs barking by the door to which she kept going out and telling them to be quiet. This not only put me off talking but kept interrupting the session. For £45 a pop I am not going back.

[NotAJammyDodger]

Are you able to discuss your concerns with your therapist? They are professionals so should be able to listen to your concerns and should try to address them. Failing that, perhaps discuss with your GP.
My terrific GP wrote a letter (her idea) when I starting crying about how awful my therapist was (therapist kept yawning during the session and checking the clock every 5 minutes throughout the session etc) and I was promptly allocated another therapist!

[stripytees]

Not everyone who delivers NHS CBT is a counsellor or psychotherapist, do you know if he is? Saying that, it doesn't sound good - active listening is pretty much one of the most important skills any therapist should have and it sounds like he doesn't.

I'd ask to see someone else or look for other free or low cost services in your area.

[AliceScarlett]

It's IAPT? Write or email them outlining your concerns and they should switch you to another therapist. If not, make a formal complaint. It's fine to ask to change, sometimes it doesn't "gel" and that's common and easily fixed.