Feel like I'm losing my mind. Antidepressants?

[Bexicle22]

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression in the past but didn't want to go on antidepressants. I was called about a CBT appointment but my anxiety prevented me from calling back and also the fact that the hospital is a long bus journey and it's an unfamiliar place to me.

I've been having issues in my relationship lately and all I do is cry all the time. One minute I'm okay, the next, I'm yelling and arguing with my partner. Last night I was so so angry and frustrated, I physically lashed out. After being okay for most of the day, I just flipped. I feel like I can't control any of my emotions; my anger, my sadness, even my happiness. It's not just with my relationship problems but at the minute they are the main trigger.

I'm usually a happy, down to earth person. I would never dream of lashing out at someone physically, I just saw red and I literally couldn't stop myself. My moods are so up and down. I don't even know if antidepressants would help. I feel completely lost and I don't know what to do. I'm starting to have horrible thoughts like, stepping into the road not caring about cars and that kind of thing. I just want to feel normal :(