so overwhelmed & anxious at work. Anyone else struggle? Advice would be great

[darkeningcloud]

Hi folks, hoping someone might 'get me' on here as I am too embarassed and frightened to talk in real life to anyone. I feel like I am just at last admitting to myself that this is escalating into a problem & that i may suffer from anxiety. It is scary and i am unsure how to get myself out of this ever decreasing circle.

Basically, i feel very overloaded & overwhelmed at work, to the point that i feel almost paralysed & struggle to achieve much. I used to work full time before i had my dc & i loved it, felt fulfilled & happy. When i went back part time, my workload wasnt really adjusted.
I was expected to prioritise my own work, & over the last few years, the organisation has really grown, & so has my workload, & also the expectations of my managers. I now feel like i never get a chance to catch my breath, it is exhausting.
I am always playing catch up. I am terrified of making a huge mistake. I spend my days off obsessively checking my emails on my phone to see if anything awful is lurking there, i dread going back after holidays as i imagine all the things i have forgotten to do have caused a catastrophe whilst i have been off. And this is the most crazy - i am terrified to leave incase all the things i havent done are discovered & i am accused of being a terrible employee, a fraud & a liar. i feel trapped. Is this normal? I dont think i used to be this anxious, although i have always been a worrier. Every time i make a decision i agonise over it, thinking i made the wrong choice & that my manager will be angry.

Last year i had a termination for medical reasons, which knocked me for six & i realise now i probably needed more time off work to recover than i got. I was very anxious during the pregnancy. I would like to try again but I am terrified that with my current level of anxiety I will lose it mentally, i just dont know if i would cope. If I could leave work & never return i would relish some headspace to just 'be', to be at peace for a while but we cant afford it. I had counselling after my termination, which helped, but it is finished now. I have betablockers, go to yoga & am trying to motivate myself to read mindfulness book.
I am scared to raise this at work, as i feel they will blame it on my personal life ie my lost pregnancy, when in fact i think it is work which is triggering my anxiety.
I miss my old self so much. I used to be so happy and enjoy life. Can anyone identify??
Thank you for reading, sorry it is long xxx

[homeappliance]

Hello, I'm sorry to hear about your loss last year

Thank you for posting this, It's made me realise how big a problem this has become for me.

I can relate to how you feel about work. It's my work that also triggers my anxiety. I'm constantly worried about making mistakes, waiting for colleagues to find out that I'm a fraud even though I work so so hard and don't stop on my work days. I have an appraisal coming up next month and absolutely terrified that my manager will see me as incompetent.

I've never had any complaints but I'm always on tenterhooks that something big will come up. I'm taking more and more work home too, not only because my workload has increased but because it takes me a lot longer to complete tasks - I double, triple check it all. I doubt myself a lot. I too sometimes linger when I should be leaving to go home. I worry that others can see how anxious I am and that makes the worry worse.

I am a natural worrier and I think perfectionist and OCD traits has caused all of this. Part time hasn't helped either - all my full time counterparts have the time and flexibility to achieve so much more and I feel like they constantly remind me of what I haven't done.

I'm considering mindfulness to help me deal with it.

[homeappliance]

Oh, and I recognise that paralysed feeling