Swung from one extreme to the other

[SmokeFree]

Yesterday I cried non-stop for two and a half hours. I even googled ways to kill myself. I got to work and realised that as soon as someone tried to speak to me I would breakdown so ran out and drove home. The scary thing was driving home I was on auto-pilot and wasn't aware of anything other than the car in front. I've been here before. I knew I was on a slippery slope for weeks ago but this last week has been a nightmare.

After I left work I went to the docs and got some sertraline again (been off it for 2 years) and spent all of yesterday in bed. I was so tired I slept a lot of it (I've been so tired lately) and didn't eat all day.

Today I woke up and after lots of effort I got dressed and started to tidy the house (out of necessity not through want) but once that was done I felt weirdly almost like I was invincible. I started looking at buying a new phone and a load of clothes (money is a big issue for me at the moment in that I have none - I didn't buy any purely cos i couldn't decide which phone I want). I saw some friends and had a few drinks and laughed more than I have done all year put together.

I don't understand; it's like I had my mini 'breakdown' finally just having a good proper cry and releasing all the sadness and frustration so there was none left for today. Worried tomorrow will be the anti climax of today though.

[TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet]

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

Hope things start to look up for you soon -
Kindest