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Mental health

anyone around? feeling crap

24 replies

keepingmum121 · 18/04/2015 22:09

Anyone feel able to listen? I've posted in the past too. Struggling this evening :(

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CocktailQueen · 18/04/2015 22:10

Yes, I'm around and able to listen. What do you need to say?

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ponybark · 18/04/2015 22:11

sorry to hear that, keeping

anything particular happened or are you just feeling generally low?

Flowers

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duzzlightyearsmum · 18/04/2015 22:11

I'm here and happy to listen. Don't know if i'll be much help but I'm more than happy to listen and offer whatever help I can

Flowers

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keepingmum121 · 18/04/2015 22:20

I am still here, sorry

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keepingmum121 · 18/04/2015 22:22

I was assaulted in November. Reported to the police 8 days later. The investigation is taking SO long and I am suffering.

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keepingmum121 · 18/04/2015 22:23

I have positive days and negative days. Today, I just know that they'll say I had it coming, that I was at fault. I am drinking again to try to block the pain.

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CocktailQueen · 18/04/2015 22:25

I'm sure they won't say that. Have you got anyone at the police you can ring for reassurance/ if you feel nervous? well done for reporting it. x

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keepingmum121 · 18/04/2015 22:30

The police aren't answering my emails. I suppose they're just busy. They have my mobile phone still (I gave it to them over 4 weeks ago) and I can't find out when I will get it back. It makes it hard for me because I haven't told most people what happened and then they ask me where my phone is.
Plus, I keep seeing that man because he is local and on bail. He doesn't approach me, but I see him.

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ponybark · 18/04/2015 22:30

sorry to hear that keeping.

have you got appropriate MH support? That's really important at this stage. Make sure it's the right person helping you through this. At least then you're doing something about it and that in itself will help. Get as much help as you can but with someone (a professional if poss) who you can really relate to (as hard as it is to talk about stuff).

I think this idea about others saying you had it coming / were at fault is in your head (your mind is playing tricks on you and if you're in a difficult mental place that's common); it's not worth expending energy worrying about what might happen, just focus on keeping yourself safe, and try to find time to focus elsewhere on activities that bring you some peace and finding appropriate support.

x

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keepingmum121 · 18/04/2015 22:33

I am seeing someone at the crisis centre on Monday. It is not a regular thing though. I have some good friends too, but I hate to other them too much.

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ponybark · 18/04/2015 22:39

can you refer yourself for some regular MH treatment? or go via your GP for some? Sounds really important you have something regular.

in my locality we can self refer to MH services. I'm not sure how low you are but to get to the top of the waiting lists you might want to play up on the forms about how bad it's got (depending on your current mindstate that may not be necessary as it may already be that bad) as this will get you further up the list for quick help.

if they think it's serious enough you may well be referred for urgent MH help ASAP. Either way they should be able to offer you at least short term help (1 - 2 months of MH support with the same therapist).

It's the doing something about it that will really help. Any step you can take to support yourself at this time is really important however small it might seem it will help you to feel like you are taking action and that is comforting in itself.

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scandip · 18/04/2015 22:49

You did not have it coming. It was not your fault. You are not to blame for being assaulted. You are not responsible for their criminal behaviour. Please don't blame yourself.

I don't know what kind of assault you have experienced but thought I'd post this link as there is a helpline. www.rapecrisis.org.uk/

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keepingmum121 · 18/04/2015 22:56

He messes with my head. Yes, it was that type of assault but I can't name it.
I should have seen the red flags.
I didn't realise how long and stressful the investigation would be.
Sorry, I'm all over the place!

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scandip · 18/04/2015 23:07

Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. It sounds like a horrible ordeal.

You don't have to name anything. I posted the link as I was trying to work out a way of someone actually speaking to you as they are trained and have experience of sexual assault. I think someone wh actually has knowledge in that area can make a difference. Do you have a sympathetic gp? If they are nice, then they could be good to speak to.

Sometimes it is easier to speak to someone kind of on the outside but if you have a trustworthy friend, maybe they would listen?

I don't think it is possible to always see red flags. Some people are manipulative or kind of weedle their way in. Don't put the responsibility on you. It is their criminal behaviour.

It was not your fault at all. You will get through this.

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keepingmum121 · 18/04/2015 23:12

My GP is lovely and knows something is going on because I told him that the police would be requesting my medical records. But I can't bring myself to talk about it with him.

My head is going mental trying to work it out. I just don't get WHY he did it. Why? I wanted him to be nice. Maybe I make men into nasty people. I didn't annoy him. Why harm me??

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scandip · 18/04/2015 23:23

Could your gp refer you for any more help? Perhaps if you ask if there is any way of you having more regular counselling. As you say, it is a very stressful and you need support. I wish the police were better at offering support.

You don't make men into nasty people. People choose to be nasty. Assaulting someone is criminal behaviour. There is no way you are responsible for that. No way. You are not to blame. You are being very hard on yourself. You have been through a horrible trauma. It's not xour fault.

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scandip · 18/04/2015 23:27

You've also been very courageous by informing the police.

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keepingmum121 · 18/04/2015 23:34

I really don't think I can handle counselling. I had it in the past and can't face more, I honestly can't.
What if that man honestly didn't think he was doing anything wrong? I mean, I can't get my head around it, though the facts go against everything I want to believe.

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scandip · 18/04/2015 23:46

Would it help if it was a therapist trained in matters like the one you are dealing with? I wonder if it might make a difference as they are trained in that area so can't be insensitive. It must be really hard to talk about and it is understandable that you don't want to.

He was doing something wrong. He assaulted you. If he challenges that, he is a liar. I have no idea what goes on in the head of these people. You may still be in shock and I think getting your head around something like this is very hard. I don't think you can understand the mindset of a nasty abusive animal because you are not one. There are no excuses for this kind of behaviour.

Please do not blame yourself. It was not your fault.

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keepingmum121 · 18/04/2015 23:58

I may ask at the crisis centre about a therapist. I ma going there on Monday.
I only wish the police would keep me more updated and restore my phone to me.
Maybe I am making a fuss about nothing. I mean, why should I get to choose whether to have sex or not? I should have relinquished my rights. After all, I am of no consequence. I just can't understand why he refused to listen to me and denied noticing my struggles/protests. It is making me go crazy.
Sorry to go on and on. I want to process, but I can't.

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ponybark · 19/04/2015 00:32

the guy is a c. don't try to understand why he's a c; you will drive yourself mad trying to figure it out. He clearly doesn't have a conscience or enough brain cells or he has psycopathic tendencies. People aren't always what they appear to be on the surface. Actions speak louder than words.

"Why" is not a very helpful question at this time; you need to be thinking "how" you can make things better, what practical stuff can you do to get you feel a bit better. Don't try to rationalise his behaviour. You can't rationalise someone who is irrational. And don't blame yourself.

Focus on helping yourself in practical ways through it if you can.

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keepingmum121 · 19/04/2015 00:37

I think the only thing that will make me feel better is if he admits what he did, fills in the memory gaps I have and apologises to me. If he did that, I may drop charges (depending on whether the police find previous victims, in which case I'd feel obliged to try to get justice).

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scandip · 19/04/2015 00:39

You are not going on. You have been through a massive trauma and are reacting to it. That is entirely normal.

You are not making a fuss about about nothing. They have violated you. It was not your fault. Noone has the right to attack you. I don't understand why people do this. All I know is their behaviour was violent, criminal, totally wrong and you were not to blame. What you have been through was very frightening. He didn't behave as a normal non violent person would and this must be extremely disturbing fo you.

I think it's important that you choose what kind of help you recieve. Talking could help to challenge your feelings of self blame. There could be other kinds of support.

I hope you are able to get some rest tonight. You have been through a terrible ordeal. You did not deserve to be treated like that.

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scandip · 19/04/2015 00:41

I'm going to sleep now. I will be about tomorrow if you would like to talk.

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