I'm scared of my feelings

[inthenickoftime]

Posted before Christmas about problems I was having with my bf. Managed to sort things out and had two amazing months since. He decided to end things yesterday and I just feel like I've fallen apart.

I have PMDD and am currently in my bad 2 weeks. I know my feelings aren't real but I feel like I'm in a black hole. I feel like such a bad mother. I keep crying and my 3yo DS keeps hugging me saying he's sorry and to stop crying.

I can feel that I'm on the brink of a panic attack and can't stop it.

Part of the reason he decided not to be with me is that he decided that I had changed so much that I was the girl he started seeing 6 months ago. I've been honest with him about my PMDD and how it controls me and not the other way around. I offered to go and see a doctor about sorting things but it's not enough.

I don't know why I'm posting here. I'm just so scared that I'm going to hit rock bottom like my last really bad bout where I ended up taking an overdose. DS goes to his dad's on the weekend I'm dreading being on my own and knowing I'm not in control.

[SergeantJarhead]

inthenickoftime, I don't know anything about premenstrual dysphoric disorder I'm afraid but I just wanted you to know that I don't think you're a bad mother and you didn't do anything wrong to cause your relationship to end. If someone loves you they stick with you through good and bad, your former partner doesn't seem like he was very supporting. I hope you find some comfort in your DS and try to get help from your GP or local mental health service.
If you do find yourself thinking dark thoughts please contact your crisis team at your local hospital, they can help x

[inthenickoftime]

Thank you sergeant. Just knowing someone is out there reading my post means so much. I haven't been too bad today but I can feel myself spiralling. I was to blame for me ex finishing things, there were other things wrong where he didn't trust me. I just find it so hard to believe that yesterday morning everything seemed perfect. Waking up on my first birthday with him. How can he go from looking at me that way to not being with me?! I feel like I must be worth nothing if I'm not worth trying for. I don't want to talk to anyone about how I'm feeling as obviously when I overdosed social services had to be notified. I don't want the risk of them becoming involved.

[devonkate]

hi there, really sorry to hear what a bad place you're in right now. I'm not surprised you feel so down with everything you've described. you could get in touch with 'home start' -Google them, they're a charity which helps parents struggling with stuff. I contacted them when I was struggling with things and they were great, and as they're a charity no need for social workers to be involved - unless you're child is at risk of harm for any reason. (not saying yours is though). if you are feeling really low please phone the Samaritans. you don't need to be alone with this.