Just Google'd 'how to kill myself'. . . Help!

[hoolah00p]

Brand new to this site, and have the most gorgeous 4 month old son. His dad and I split up a month ago after a long time of trying to stay together even though we knew the relationship wasn't going to work. He cheated on me, which I found out about at the same time as finding out we were pregnant. We tried to make it work for so long but in the end I just couldn't live with the jealousy issues that have crept in since.
I have tonight found out, that despite us recently talking about trying to make things work, that he is already sleeping with someone else.
The heartbreak is just too much. I feel I am failing my son by being and emotional wreck and that I honestly don't know how to carry on. If I admit my feelings then people will question my parenting and take him away, so I would have nothing to live for anyway. I just feel so desperately unhappy and that I am letting everyone down.

[PeterSpots]

Sweetheart you are not letting anyone down. You are dealing with a difficult situation & it can be heartbreaking but it will pass & you have so many things to look forward to. Please call the Samaritans

[PeterSpots]

08457 90 90 90. They will listen without judging you

[iwasyoungonce]

Please call the Samaritans hoolahh00p.

Your darling son needs you. He will need you for a long, long time.

The pain you are feeling now will pass, I promise. You have good times ahead with your boy.

Get the help you need, honestly, there is no shame in asking for it.

[chockbic]

Please reach out for help. You are worth saving

[NanaNina]

Really sorry you are feeling so dreadful - I know the torment of depression and how worthless and hopeless it can make us feel. However your depression is a reaction to the stress that you are under, and could you have PND also as you have a young baby. No one is going to take your baby away and it's sad that so many young mums who are depressed think that. I'm a retired social workers (30 years experience) and I can assure you that children are not removed because mothers have mental health problems. 1 in 4 people will suffer from a mental health problem at some point in their lives and approx. one third of GP consultations are mental health related.

You need to see your GP as soon as you can, or talk to your HV - you may well need medication and there are anti-depressants that you can take if you are breast feeding.

Look please don't take this the wrong way but there has been a bit of a "hoo ha" on MN recently about people talking about suicide and mentioning specific methods they are considering. This is very triggering for others who may feel the same way and so MNHQ are asking that if anyone talks of specific methods, they will delete the post and suggest the person contacts Samaritans. It's ok to say we have suicidal thoughts (as these are very common in depression) but not to talk about ways of ending our life. I hope you can understand - was just a bit worried because of your title.

Do you have any support in RL - friends/relatives - if so please tell them how awful you are feeling and stop worrying that someone is going to take your lovely son away because they're not. You deserve the help and support to get you better so you can enjoy your little one.

[PeterSpots]

Hello. How are you today. Life throws us lots of curve balls but remember it's a journey & everything changes but a mothers love is so powerful it always brings us back from the brink.