How can I ever be ok again?

[Spaceboundeminem]

I grew up with a NPD mother who was mentally ill with depression. A drug addict/dealer for a father.

Was sexually abused by one of my mums boyfriends while my dad was in prison.
Entered into a highly abusive (including gang rape) relationship at age 13.
Started having bipolar 1 episodes age 13.

Age 15 hospitalised for a month because of failed suicide attempt.

Was diagnosed bipolar 1 age 22.

How do I get through this? How do I i deal with all this and be normal?

[msfreud]

What is "normal"?

Have you ever had any counselling or psychotherapy? That might provide you the space needed for beginning to understand some of your past experiences and how they affect you.

It's true that we are all shaped by our backgrounds and families but we also have free will and ability to change.

[Spaceboundeminem]

Thank you I have had therapy but I didn't admit the sexual abuse, as I hadn't wanted to admit to myself.

I am on a waiting list for further therapy.

[doodlemum]

Hi, I am so sorry to hear all that you have been through. I don't feel normal (anxiety and depression is the short version of the story) and I haven't been though anything like what you have, but equally have had experiences that I feel like I can't "get over". They play on my mind constantly.

I guess what I'm trying to say is similar to msfreud. I have found that acceptance of the past is vital, but this may take counselling, time and a lot of hard work. I wish you all the best.