Dealing with traumatic PTSD triggers in subsequent childbirth

[Lookslikeimstuckhere]

Don't wish to go into all the details of a traumatic birth but, nearly three years later, there are still triggers that can reduce me to a sobbing wreck. One of these is the thought of being on a table in an operating theatre.

It's taken this long (CBT, Fluoxetine - now off meds) to consider even having another child (refused for two years to even discuss it, was a flat no) and I would think that the only way I could remain in control of the situation would be to have an Elective CS. Which necessitates the operating theatre...

Is there anyone out there who has managed such a situation? The CBT helped to deal with the flashbacks and panic attacks but the triggers can still make me emotional.

Thinking hypno birthing or counselling to deal with the trigger or something? Anything!

I don't want to try for another and find that there is no way I'm going to be able to cope at the end of it/risk sliding into the hell of depression that followed...

I want another child but can't even face a smear test (I know, I'm working up to it) so how on earth would a pregnancy work out? Feeling a bit helpless really.

Grateful for any advice that anyone has.

[WhyBeHappyWhenYouCouldBeNormal]

How about a planned CS under general anaesthetic so that you are totally knocked out? It would save you further distress, however the downside is obviously that you won't be able to instantly see your baby and will have to wait till you come around, but in your situation i would choose that so as not to suffer the flashbacks and possibly subsequent PTSD from a new birth.

This is advice from someone who chose not to have any more children because I could not go through birth again in any circumstances so have absolute sympathy for you. Have you thought about a private doula to help you through late pregnancy and birth?

Are you ttc now or already pregnant?

[windchimes23]

If your experience was bad any consultant with an ounce of sympathy will recommend an elective. I had an elective for my second (horrible first birth, don't need to go into details but screwed me up big time). Told consultant what had happened (accidental second pregnancy), burst into tears and she gave me some tissues, and booked my section.

You can do this again if you want to, and there are many kind consultants in the NHS.

[Lookslikeimstuckhere]

We aren't TTC at the moment as the timing wouldn't be right and I feel like I need to have my head straight before I go into it. It's still a possibility that I will just say no and DH will have to lump it. If we do go for it, will be in next few months to fit in with work/money situation,

I hadn't thought about a general but that's definitely worth thinking through, as is a Doula.

Thank you, it's a relief to talk it through. Not many people understand, can't tell you the number of times I've been told to just 'move on'.

[Lookslikeimstuckhere]

Itisntreallyreal were you able to keep fears/flashbacks in control during the c section?
Glad that there are kind consultants. Given how much my counselling must have cost them, a c section would be much cheaper

[windchimes23]

Just to add, second time on the operating table was easier. I felt in control, my choice, my decision. Not at all like the nightmare red lights flashing get the baby out now thing, it healed some mental wounds.

[windchimes23]

Yes, I had a kind team who knew what had happened with my first. I was treated with sympathy and respect, it was healing.

[windchimes23]

Midwife even told me to hug her when they put the spinal in and said it's alright darling and stroked my face like I was a baby. There are some very kind people out there in the NHS, the complete opposite of my first experience where the midwife slapped me, and called a bitch and an abortion. I was so scared, and they were so nice to me

[Pico2]

I'm pregnant with my second and will be having an elective c section and also going to a different hospital.

You can definitely get an ELCS agreed before getting pregnant. You would probably need to get your GP to refer you to a consultant to confirm this.

I'm going private for my antenatal care and delivery to guarantee me a continuity of care and consultant care rather than junior doctors. One of the important reasons for me wanting continuity of care is that I don't want to have to explain about DD's birth to every new HCP I come across as it is pretty much guaranteed to make me cry, even though it was years ago. Just moving on isn't really possible. Private care obviously isn't affordable for everyone, but you can try to negotiate continuity of care by asking to see just one MW or a single GP throughout.

[Lookslikeimstuckhere]

Thank you, lots of reassurance from all your comments.

Itisnt - I nearly cried when I read what your MW did during the spinal. If only they could all be like that the first time, maybe so many of us wouldn't end up like this! Whole thing still makes me quite angry.

Pico2 that's an interesting option, like the idea of having it approved before I get pg. Didn't realise you could go private, we do have a policy and I will be checking to see if that's a possibility.

I've not opened a thread before. I'm so glad I did

[Peasandtrees]

This is my first post here as I read this and felt for you so much.

I just wondered if you and your counsellor had considered emdr therapy instead of cbt? I was so sceptical of it but was referred to a counsellor specialising in treating post-childbirth ptsd using emdr and amazingly it actually helped me process the event to the extent I actually cancelled my elective c section for my second child in the end.

I'm not sure if you know of it,but it was explained to me that it replicates how your brain files information and sort of forces your brain to process the trauma,extracting the useful bits it needs from it and filing the rest away properly rather than it being 'stuck' as an unprocessed memory that dominates your life. It's just a thought,but honestly i can now think about my first birth and recognise how horrific it was but without reliving it or the memory of it affecting me again.

And I second what people have said about getting a supportive team around you second time around-my midwives were incredible,and made my second birth such a healing experience.

I hope whatever you do you are able to find a way forwards, as I know just how totally it can dominate your life and how totally alone it can make you feel.

[Lookslikeimstuckhere]

I hadn't heard about emdr, that's really interesting. I feel like the CBT and meds helped to get rid of the flashbacks and panic attacks but I've just used the coping mechanisms that my counsellor taught me with everything else. I ran out of counselling sessions.

I think if I'm honest with myself, the fact that just thinking about TTC is causing me so much emotion means I really need to go back to the GP and see what they suggest.

[scurryfunge]

Another one to second EMDR. Don't know why it works and I initially thought it was witchcraft. It really worked for me. Certainly minimises flashbacks and when they do happen, I can cope.

[eatscakefornoreasonwhatsoever]

I had a similar fist experience, but am now pregnant and planning a HBAC. You don't have to keep feeling like this. Have PMed you more info x

[QueenMas]

Third post of support for EMDR, it changed my life. I now feel able to think about having another child, rather than being in a place where I had to refuse sex full stop (no sex, no chance of pregnancy).

If I had another I think I would like an elective section. Personally, I think I would feel more in control. VBAC would have too many possible outcomes for me to process, I think.

Look up EMDR, and good luck

[Pico2]

We have private insurance and it is "covering" our ELCS (probably will cover about 50% of the costs of the ELCS as you couldn't find HCP who would get out of bed for as little as they will pay). However it is for physical medical reasons rather than the trauma from last time and I did have to appeal their initial decision when I applied for it, so it isn't particularly easy to get it covered.