My career triggers my depression

[HenriettaTurkey]

I'm not a frequent poster on MH boards, so I'm going to apologise in advance in case I use the wrong terminology...and I'm not even sure if this is the right board to post on.

I am currently off work with antenatal depression & chronic anxiety. It's not the first time I've been off longterm with anxiety/depression. But it's the first time in a while.

On reflecting I realise that my career (I'm a teacher) is triggering my condition. And that something I can usually ignore and allow to fester, has become uncontrollable with the change in hormones a pregnancy brings.

So I know I should leave & change my career but...I am the sole earner in our household (DH is sahd) and our 2nd DS is on his way in the new year.

Suggestions from others include going part time/being a TA instead of a teacher. But I feel it's the educational establishment, and probably working in the public sector, that is feeding my illness.

My mum says I'd miss the holidays & it's the depression triggering doubts. I know she has it backwards.

Any change of job would bring a salary that would be so difficult to live on.

Any suggestions?

[StripyBanana]

I clicked as I could alnost have bet money you'd be a teacher...

There is no way my mh would cope with returning full time. Teaching is vvv high up in the lists of stress levels, much higher than you'd think.

No advice but just to let you know you're not alone. A lot of issues in teaching. Career change is so difficult though.

[HenriettaTurkey]

Thank you for posting, stripy.

In my head, I am telling myself that if I can make it to mat leave (Xmas) then get well & return 2 days a week after Mat leave. Then I'll still be able to claim additional wages and get tax credits for 16h p/w.

In my gut I'm screaming 'don't make me go back anywhere near there!!' It's too much stress...

[Orangeanddemons]

I knew you were going to be a teacher.... Can't your dh go back to work and you be sahp?

[HenriettaTurkey]

Oranges. We've discussed it. DH says he'll look for whatever he can, but we both know that realistically it will be difficult to find something where we live. He has a PhD from a top uni, but following completion put his career on hold to care for his elderly parents. Now his publication record is minimal and he's not ever done anything else, so career wise it's tricky. Makes me so angry, as he's basically lost out for being a loving son.

I do think though, that both of us working pt could be a solution. But pt in what, I don't know. I have a secretarial/pa/admin background and worked in Government for a bit. But we aren't in the south east now...

[Cinnamon73]

I also knew you were a teacher.

If your gut is screaming, listen!

I am an ex-teacher and had the same gut feeling, and left. It's not the same because my dh is the main earner and we can get by on his salary.
I didn't go back in September and it felt just right. Even though I loved parts of it, I hated others and the bad bits were thoroughly depressing.

You have a background in admin, that's great. If you start thinking about the sort of job you could do, maybe stay in the school environment but in a non-teaching role? Finance officer? Exams officer (maybe not, equally stressful I think), etc.

Your dh could start looking what's out there for him.
Good luck and I hope you recover quickly. Start researching other careers and see how that feels.

[HenriettaTurkey]

Thank you for the positive post, cinnamon! Next to convince my mum that my gut is right... She loves the job security my work affords me.

I'd actually love a job in some sort of admin role. Before I was off with this I was off with a hip problem & I'm very worried this could reoccur. My particular type of teaching is very physical (sen) & involves lots & lots of moving & handling. I'm still in my 30s and have concerns that my physical health could deteriorate. Something office based would be so much better for my body!

[HenriettaTurkey]

Thank you for the positive post, cinnamon! Next to convince my mum that my gut is right... She loves the job security my work affords me.

I'd actually love a job in some sort of admin role. Before I was off with this I was off with a hip problem & I'm very worried this could reoccur. My particular type of teaching is very physical (sen) & involves lots & lots of moving & handling. I'm still in my 30s and have concerns that my physical health could deteriorate. Something office based would be so much better for my body!

[HenriettaTurkey]

Oops

[Cinnamon73]

I finally left after 2 slipped discs and I'm still not 100% but I'm getting there.

Funnily, my mum thought the same and has not quite understood why I left. Even though she was a primary teacher and has a history of depression all her life.

I have known teaching isn't for me for a while. While my back recovers I try to figure out what I really want to do. I have several ideas in my head, maybe I just need to start and stop worrying. All of those involve working from home, using my language skills and organisational skills.

Hope you find a solution which is right for your family.

[HenriettaTurkey]

Your situation doesn't sound a million miles from mine...I've proved myself in teaching & am now on upper pay scale, but that just makes it more of a struggle to leave, as it'll be a bigger salary drop.

I know I need to leave but feel very guilty that I can't hack it. Everyone's life would be easier if I could...

[Meow75]

I left teaching in December, after 16 years in Secondary Science. I had suicidal thoughts twice in 6 months and that was more than enough for me.

I was unemployed for 8 months, and we REALLY struggled on DH's wage, and even now (since August BH weekend), the temp work that I am doing is only just enough to get us to the point of just about being able to cover the bills.

Even so, DH says he has his wife back, and the drip drip effect of teaching has really been made clear to him because of how different I have been since January.

Register with some temp agencies - you won't get anything like your teaching wage (I was UPS2), but progression is possible, you'll build up contacts and be able to get references from outside of teaching to reinforce your capabilities with your transferable skills. And an awful lot of people get a permanent job from being a temp. I'm with Brook Street myself; seem to be as good as anyone else, and I live in Lincolnshire where there aren't that many to choose from anyway.

I have found that the NHS advertises LOTS of Admin posts, and although they are open about favouring existing employees whose jobs are at risk, you've got to be in it to win it.

[StripyBanana]

I think I'll do temping too.

my problem is ideally I'd go into a different profession (had thought about ed psych) but really don't think social work or nursi g is for me. I was super bright and feel its all wasted with "failing" teaching as its much harder to sidestep I once you want to leave the classroom.

I've tried adult ed but really I want to stop the pressure of performing. Ideally id use my brain and thinking skills, quick study skills etc in a nearly as well paid capacity...

I wish id worked my way up high enough in a different profession to enable flexibility with hours.

[HenriettaTurkey]

Poverty has never sounded so appealing, Meow!

And stripy, I know. I wonder what would've happened if I'd stuck with something politics related: I could have a decent career in lobbying, in the charity sector, or similar.

I'd have made a great psephologist (election analyser). Tis a bit niche, though!

[HenriettaTurkey]

But I'm so so scared of ruining everything by leaving...

[Cinnamon73]

Well, what are you ruining?

You have to be careful not to replace one anxiety with another. Giving up job security is not for the faint hearted.

Are you seeing a therapist for your anxiety?

You want to be a psephologist (had to google the origins, every day's a school day on mn ) have you got a degree in politics? Why not look for jobs in this sector? Niche is good! And niche plus passion even better.

[tobysmum77]

right firstly you don't need to convince your mum. It is none of her damn business. I am actually quite angry on your behalf that you have made a major and brave decision and she is undermining you. Does she often behave in this way?

Teaching is a really difficult job. Schools are horrible places to work loads of constant change/ shite to put up with. I was reading an oecd survey the other day and the uk has pretty much the youngest teaching force. wonder why that is?

Personally I left teaching in 2007 (it was messing with my head and I don't have a history of depression particularly) and a month later got a job on the same money (I was post threshold with a tlr). seriously there's a whole world out there and job security is only a good thing if you like your job.

[Cinnamon73]

Good morning, OP.
One more advice: change your way of thinking.
You write I'd have made a good...

You can change career. Lots of people do it.

[StripyBanana]

Wow what doing tobys? I've only ever seen teachers go into "mum jobs". Part time admin, shop work etc. Lack of available similar level work seems to be the reason many fail to leave.

[KittyandTeal]

I have realised the same thing.

I have made an exit plan, it's very long term but once my youngest (just found out I'm pregnant again) can be in full time childcare, so around 3 I reckon. I'm going to find a full time TA post.

I'm not ready to leave schools I just hate teaching. As it is I'm doing cover work this year and it seems to be a bit better. I am only part time though.

Could you plan an long term exit strategy? It might make you feel more in control

[HenriettaTurkey]

Thank you all so much! You're right - I should start looking at things differently, but the sad truth is my confidence has been sapped so much that I feel almost unemployable.

Silly really, as within the last 12 months I've been through threshold & my last observation was 'good with outstanding features'.

But yes - I should look at the realities of psephology, what qualifications are needed, what I can do in the meantime.

I have NO desire to do TA work - if I could make it in to school why not just carry on with teaching? I don't think I want to be in the establishments!

As for mum. She's lovely. She wants the best for me, and panics that I'll regret it. I can understand what she's saying; but she lives a way away & doesn't see the reality of the situation for me, DH & DS. Also my dad does a similar job to me & loves it. So I expect she thinks I'll get over it.

I have been to see the mental health referral unit who have referred me for cbt. Apparently, being pregnant, I am top priority & will hear 'within weeks'. It's been 3 weeks so far....I may need to chase this up.

I certainly can't go back to work until I've had at least 1 session. Even seeing work emails pop up on my phone stresses me out...

[tobysmum77]

I got a job working for an awarding body. Have had various roles since being there. Yes I have a lot less job security but my cv is much more balanced so it doesn't worry me too much. I get at least one job sent to me each week via linked in I could reasonably apply for (but I am pt atm which I don't want to lose)

I think teachers concentrate too much on the negative stories too much and not enough on the skills that they actually have.

[tobysmum77]

I'm not convinced being a ta would be any better either btw. My sil ended up in a horrible situation as a ta.

[stargirl1701]

I knew you would be a teacher. I'm one too. I get it.

What about an educational role out with school? Say for a charity or a governmental agency. I'm thinking RNLI or Forestry Commission? What about Forest Schools/Beach Schools Instructor. Work for a publisher that has school reps like Heinemann or ORT?

If there were no restrictions, what would your heart's desire be?

[mistymeanour]

Do you have any specialist training or roles you could use ? A colleague had a literacy specialist role in the school and left and was able to use that to approach schools and get hourly paid 1:1 work with children struggling with reading at a very good rate (pupil premium funded I think). She earns more than she did as a HOD now and has been asked to do consultancy, reports, inset days etc.

Another took a lower paying admin job at the local uni (around £22K) but was efficient/articulate/organised etc and has moved up really quickly by applying for internal promotions and 5 years on is on 40k

I had a long break from teaching but can't bear to go back FT. I have started tutoring and running classes for home ed and out of school children ( a big cut in pay) and have also started trying to build a small business with my eldest daughter and doing some admin temping to build those skills up again - decided I am happy to live on less and apply for niche jobs when I spot them.

The problem with being a TA is the lack of pay/status/career progression and security and still often being at the whim of internal politics. Also ex teachers who were TA's at my last school invariably got asked to cover lessons, take on lots of oragnisation, planning and paperwork .

[StripyBanana]

I really don't want to be a TA, I want a career change.

I hadn't realised it wasn't uncommon to work up from an admin job. I kind of assumed if I went in at "mum job" level I would stay there!

I had wondered about home ed tutoring (I thought of home edding for a while but have sent my eldest to school) but most home edders I'm aware of are broke!