Grief, depression, stress, whats wrong with me and should I go to the doctors?

[gemdrop84]

Briefly: mum passed away April this year, unexpectedly, I'm the eldest so had the task of sorting out her debt riddled estate, just finished dealing with everything, had no end of issues with my sisters since then and recently started my own business. I am a sahm with 2 dc. Since mum died I've had a few problems, one is when falling asleep I get this overwhelming feeling of panic and my heart is hammering away. This goes on a few times in a night, also had some not nice thoughts about myself. Two weeks ago I had a spectacularly bad night in terms of the panicky feeling and the following day I had no energy, couldn't stop crying and feel so so tired of everything. Haven't been right since. I'm irritable, not enjoying being at home with the kids or Dh, think they'd be better off if I wasn't here. Felt physically very rung out, can't remember things or focus on stuff too well, finding it hard being out and about. Feeling very emotionally not right. So I don't know if I should go see someone or would I be wasting their time?

[Badvoc123]

You won't be wasting anyone's time.
You sound very anxious and possibly depressed - not surprising given your recent loss.
I lost my dad last year and as the eldest I also had to sort out his estate.
It's a horrid thing to have to do. I found it very depressing.
Do go and see your gp. There are also bereavement counsellors who your gp can refer you to.
I found the book "you'll get over it: the rage if bereavement" by Virginia ironside very helpful x

[NanaNina]

Oh Gem you absolutely must see your GP as soon as possible. You sound like you are suffering from depression and anxiety (sorry I'm not a medic) but suffer intermittently from dep/anx and you are sounding very much like someone in this state. Loss is almost always the root cause of depression. The scary feelings and hammering heart sound like symptoms of anxiety, which is really just the medical name for fear. Crying bouts are a symptom of depression too as is a lack of interest in anything and an inability to concentrate - you tick so many of the boxes (sorry to put it like that). I suspect you might be having suicidal thoughts which is another very common symptom of depression.

It might help if you just make a list of your symptoms (all of them) in a list and either give it the GP or use it to make sure you don't forget anything. You won't be telling the GP anything he/she hasn't heard hundreds of times before. 1 in 4 people will suffer from a mental illness at some point in their lives and a third (higher in some areas) of GP consultations are related to mental health issues.

You might be offered medication and this can be a real help but it the meds do take a while to take effect (2/3 weeks) and sometimes you feel worse before you feel better. Also they usually start you off on a small dose and increase it a little further down the road............like all drugs ADs have side effects and everyone is affected differently, so what suits one doesn't suit another, but side effects often wear off after a short time.

I know a lot of people are scared of taking ADs but to be honest they can be a life saver and there are dozens of MNs on other threads that will say the same thing. It might help if you could have some bereavement counselling, but you are unlikely to be offered this on the NHS. Cruise is a good bereavement service but you do have to pay (though think it's a reasonable charge) private therapists charge around £50 an hour dependent on where you live. You can find properly qualified ones on the BACP website (British Association of Counsellors and Therapists) anyone on that list is properly trained and accredited. However it may be that you will need meds to help pick you up before you can really get the best out of therapy.

SO please see a GP and let us know how you get on.

[MrsMinton]

Please go and see your GP. They won't think you're wasting their time at all. I was scared but went two weeks ago. I'm on a very low dose AD and the difference it has made is amazing already. I can sleep and think!
Please look after yourself and speak to them.

[fackinell]

I'm so sorry about your mum, Gem.

I know that anxious feeling only too well, all night I've woken up with adrenaline coursing through my body. It sounds like what you have. I wake with a jerk like I've had far too much coffee and it takes ages to calm my racing heart down. I'm going to the GP today (hopefully) and won't be fobbed off again with finding my own coping strategies.

You've had a nasty shock, not only have you lost your DM but you will naturally be questioning your own mortality and the impact that could have on your own children. You're not wasting anyone's time but please don't waste any more of your own by trying to stay strong.