Hi everyone.
I'm new to this forum. I've joined because I need a place I can talk to people who will understand my situation without judging me. I have bipolar ii disorder. I am also a single mother to a rather sensitive 3 year old. I am on two different medications that control my moods for the most part. But when I get tired or stressed it triggers symptoms. Mainly a foggy, non functional state of mind, highly sensitive to outside stimulus and irritability. All things that are completely unavoidable with a three year old. When this happens I lose control of my reactions to my daughters challenging behaviour. I have smacked her lightly a few times in the past and two days ago I threw some books. It scared her and I have not stopped reliving it since. I hate myself so much for how I behaved. I hate the thought of her being scared of me. I feel like I'm damaging her. I worry that she will grow up never feeling sure of her mum and what she will be like that day. I have no support network around me. My ex has made it clear he won't help unless it is his day to see her and my family all live miles away. When I start to feel like I'm heading into a bad state of mind there is no one I can call on for help. And so I struggle on until I explode. I'm not the mother I wanted to be. I try so hard to stay consistent for her but sometimes my illness gets the better of me. I can't bare the guilt and shame I feel. I love my daughter so much and I want her to feel safe, secure and happy. I'm so worried That I can't provide that for her all the time.
I'm not sure what I want here. I think I just need to talk to someone about this. I can't talk to anyone I know for fear of being judged.
People tell me to walk away to another room when I feel like I can't cope with the situation. But I've tried that. She follows me and screams outside the door. It just makes it worse. I have no way of diffusing situations when she is being difficult. And it feels like my brain is going to explode. She just screams and screams at me. There's no third person that can step in and dilute the tension.
Most of the time we're fine. I can cope with her tantrums. I react rationally and calmly. But the occasions when I lose control haunt me for days after. And I've no way of avoiding or preventing it.
Any advise greatly appreciated.
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Mental health
New here! Need some advice
1 reply
daydreamer79 · 16/08/2014 22:39
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