Social interaction- exhausting and overwhelming?

[Nerf]

Anyone else? I'm 41 and all my life have just found it so stressful. The back of my head is a running commentary all the time - have I chatted too much, does this person want to talk to someone else, too much eye contact?- etc. sometimes I get to Friday and I just want to cry. It's so hard and I'm never not thinking really. Analysing stuff, taking small comments apart. I was unpopular at school, at university, managed at work, and now the playground and work place are highly stressful for me at times.

[RumPunch]

I'm the same. I can't socialise two days in a row. It kills me!

[Nerf]

It's like a physical tiredness .
I'm slowly accepting I'm shit socially, and expecting and accepting people not liking me. I'm just waiting for my children to start. Dd is 16 and keeps making haha hilarious jokes 'you're weird mum' and it's horrible.
I feel like an alien watching what they are doing and copying but not really knowing why. Or how.

[SwiftRelease]

Easy to say but stop beating yourself up! You are what you are, acceptance goes a long way. Maybe you're a alow burner/introvert/quality friend to few not many whatever. Also, you are not those horrible thoughts of yours, let them go, don't identify with them.
Have you looked at mindfulness at all? Meeting people, if that's your aim, through your own real interests not school gate?

[Nerf]

I don't think I really do want to if you know what I mean, I just feel I should? If I could, I'd be somewhere really academic and quiet and just research stuff.

[SwiftRelease]

Then work towards that and bollocks to should.

[Nerf]

[thedevilinside]

Yes, are you on the spectrum? playground I have found to be the most socially stressful environment

[Nerf]

I think so. Ds is (dx via NHS). I have OCD and raised it with the psych as a possibility and she said she wasn't seeing anything, but as I pointed out I've had 40 years to develop some normal stuff

[Nerf]

We didn't talk about my sensory issues or much on social issues as the OCD was really badly managed at that time.

[lemonmarmalade]

I can relate to all of that, sounds like social anxiety to me.

It is exhausting

[Nerf]

Yes. Exhausting.
I would like to just have a people free zone

[Guitargirl]

Are you on the introverts thread? If not, come and have a read, it's enlightening.

Do you have a job which requires you to be in highly sociable situations?

I also need to recharge after being in a situation which requires a lot of interaction. It is quite common I think. Accept that it is perfectly 'normal' and build it into your day.

[doziedoozie]

I have a 'mingle and chat' day long event (or 5 hours anyway) for DH's work. He will be busy keeping everything flowing so I'll be on my own. Know a couple of folk but they are hardly likely to want to spend 5 hours with me!

Am crossing off the hours til I'm home and its past.

[SwiftRelease]

Just the name mingle & chat sounds awful, poor you! Think the world is not created for introverts...

[fuzzpig]

Me too.

It now overwhelms me physically too, as I have been ill with CFS/ME for a few years.

Now the psychological effort involved in too much socialising is enough in itself to cause a physical relapse. It's got to the point where I sigh with dread if I see somebody I know on the bus to work. I NEED those 20 minutes of silence :( small talk is horrifically tiring. One time I got off the bus at work and actually cried it had worn me out so much. I really liked the person I was talking to.

I wish I'd got help with this earlier (I'm 27). In my teens the social anxiety (well, it was to the point of phobia then) got really bad but I was at crisis point due to revealing historic abuse. So when I was self harming and stuff (wound up in psych unit) obviously the abuse was the focus and all the other issues I have (that predate the abuse) were missed.

It was only a couple of years ago that I realised it may well be Aspergers, and I asked a psychiatrist for help. He basically spent the entire hour reading my hospital notes though. He said I have OCD caused by my childhood. Could easily be both, I am sure there is a familial element to it as my dad in particular is very likely to have ASD (refused help because of his age :(. Anyway, psychiatrist said he'd refer me on but didn't, and I've been too exhausted to follow it up.

[fuzzpig]

Sorry that turned into a rant I guess I tend to waffle on when typing on MN to make up for the fact I can barely manage a sentence IRL!

[SwiftRelease]

No worries, rant away!!

I sometimes wonder about the benefit anywayfor something like Aspergers as an adult. Horse has already bolted ifykwim? Wonder aboutmyself but would rather self manage- selfawareness, mindfulness, careful
Daily choices, avoiding certain situations/people.

[SwiftRelease]

Meant benefit of having official diagnosis of Aspergers...

[Nerf]

I have an official OCD diagnosis too fuzz pig. I recognise that feeling of dreading seeing someone you know.
Guitar girl - yes, lots of contact with people in my job.
I'm always second guessing if I've annoyed them or irritated them somehow. This goes back to school really and university. At school a friend set up a petition to have me chucked out of the class. Some of them signed it.
At uni, one of the girls moved out because she couldn't stand me. We'd hardly spoken at all, I was quiet, clean, and well aware of my crap social skills. Maybe I was still thinking I would somehow 'get it' and tried too hard.
I think maybe a dx would let me forgive myself. Because if I'm not, I'm just a weirdo, if you see what I mean.

[SwiftRelease]

Has OCD dx helped? Genuinely curious to know. I guess dx or no, we're all on a spectrum for something introversion/extroversion etc. i still find life tough but a few years of really digesting mindfulness and finding some insight from buddhism have led me to finally accept myself. Not do that "second arrow" of self-criticism as i used to, it was second nature to me. I also push back when people "problematise" me rather than say the dynamic vetween me and -dh-- them.

[Felix47]

I've spent the last two weekends totally alone. It was a relief but lonely too, rock and a hard place ! I have good friends but can't sustain meetups for that long really.

[Nerf]

Oh Felix I get you!
Yes, the OCD dx has been a relief and has explained some off thought processes and allowed me to learn strategies to stop myself. For example, I would get stuck rinsing the dcs school water bottles out before school in case id accidentally dropped a needle in them. I don't sew...
It has made me understand a lot of my thinking and my attention to detail which I thought was a strength. Ha!
I didn't realise I had it - it all became clear during my appointment and I understand why life is quite hard work for me.

[SwiftRelease]

Nerf- but attention to detail really IS a strength. Please know that. All of us have positives which in some circs can flip to a negative. But hope you're dx hasn't robbed you of valuing that in yourself?

[SwiftRelease]

Your! Bloody auto thingy

[impatienceisavirtue]

It totally cripples me. I have got to the point where I just try really hard to have as little interaction with new people as I can so I don't have a chance to make a fool of myself or feel like I have.