Doing such a rubbish job...

[OwensMama]

Hi
Never posted before, so not sure what I'm expecting really - bit of advice, people to tell me I'm not the only one...? I initially posted on the parenting bit, but then realised it is probably here that I should be writing.
I think I may be suffering from a touch of the blues and certainly it has got to the point where my DH has made me make an appointment to see the doctor, but I just seem to spend my days shouting at or crying in front of my two children at the moment - DS, 5 and DD 3. Every morning I wake up and think, 'Right, no crying, no shouting' but then they test me and it happens all over again.
My DS is being particularly tricky at the moment - arguing about EVERYTHING, answering back a bit, not listening etc. and I guess that upsets me as we have always been so so close and at the moment he seems like a different boy. The trouble is, instead of dealing with all this calmly, I end up ranting on and on at him about it, usually crying at the same time and saying totally stupid things like, "what happened to my lovely little boy?" and "I can't go on like this" (so ashamed of myself - I know it is wrong...) My DD obviously overhears all of it.
There is a definite sense of relief in them both when DH gets home from work and someone normal and more steady turns up - which then makes me feel even more weepy.
What can I do? I feel like I am just messing everything up and that I can't make it right now. Are they just going to grow up remembering me as this irrational weepy mess? I always had in my mind that I was giving them this magical, happy and stable childhood and now I don't know what to do.
Any words of wisdom or advice out there? Has anyone else felt like this and tried anti-depressants and found they worked?

[mumaa]

Hey,

Don't really have any words of wisdom but didn't want to read and run... I'm so sorry you are feeling this way and I'm sure you are not doing a rubbish job! Being a mum is hard! You are recognising behaviour in yourself that you know needs addressed so that is a massive positive.

How do you feel about going to speak to the doctor?
You are definitely not alone, i have bad periods too, for me it comes in fits and waves, sometimes i feel ok and others that i am not coping and need help. Yet i never ask for help and this in turn can make it difficult to cope. Please don't be too hard on yourself.

[OwensMama]

Thank you mumaa - your reply means a lot. I have come round to feeling ok about seeing a doctor about it - anything that might help really. I just want to feel normal and in control again now and have realised that I do need some help to do that. Hopefully I can get some.

[mumaa]

I think you should be really proud of yourself for going and trying to make a change!

[Elsieparoubek]

Hi owensmama just wanted to say I relate to what you are going through - I also start each day with a resolution not to get angry or upset and usually fail, totally get the feeling of relief when daddy comes home from work too. And I'm only dealing with one child!

Parenting is fucking hard work.

I'm also thinking about starting anti depressants (hesitating as I am pg)

Hope you can have a relaxed weekend xx

[OwensMama]

Thank you for all your replies. Have made a doctors appointment and am trying st john's wort too - feeling bit better already.

[LovelyBath]

There's also a supplement called 5HTP which might be helpful, a bit like St John's Wort. I've felt like this too and the relief when DH gets in! Could you have your DS do a sport club or swim class after school sometimes as might dispel stress for you both? i sometimes find doing this then straight home for tea can help.