Don't know how to help my DD.

[bigoldbird]

Hello

You are such a lovely lot I can't think of anyone else to turn to.

I have suffered with depression most of my life. My DD was (I thought) the same. However, after many years of struggling and seeking help, she was diagnosed last year with bi-polar.

She is 25. She has a BSc and is currently studying for a Masters. I have always been fairly strict with her regarding keeping on at work/studying. I have always felt that her chances of a good life would be reduced if she had a record of time off with mental health problems.

She went off to see old friends over Easter, due back yesterday. She rang several times during the morning, very tearful and anxious. During the course of the afternoon it became apparent she wasn't going to be able to cope with the train, so I went and got her. She was in an awful mess, very tearful, had collapsed a couple of times. After about an hour of talking she calmed down and was able to eat something. No reason for this, it is just the way she is, but I haven't seen her so poorly for a very long time.

She was advised to come off the anti depressants she had been taking before starting on the new medication for the bi-polar. She hasn't had any ADs for a couple of months now, but she is reluctant to take the new medication. She picked up the prescription a month ago and has taken 10.

I knew the meds would be a problem until she got into a good place, and a good routine with them, and told her I thought her terrible day yesterday was probably due to the fact all the ADs are now out of her system and the new lot haven't kicked in, of course they won't kick in if she doesn't take them.

I really don't know how to help her, or what I can do. I feel completely helpless. I try to support her as best I can. Don't know if I should be sympathetic or angry (I feel both).

Mostly I am just venting really, but if anyone has suffered similarly, and has any advice, I would be very grateful.

If you are still reading this, thank you.

[LastingLight]

Why is she reluctant to take her new meds? All you can do is keep encouraging her to do so as she clearly needs it. Bipolar unfortunately means that you're highly likely to be on meds for life. She she getting any counselling?

[rabbitrisen]

I dont think that being angry with the situation will help. Though perfectly understandable. Having a little vent and stamp of foot in private probably wont matter

Gently shouting at her might help?
Not something I would normally recommend. What way normally works with her? Try them all?
If all else fails, see her doctor without telling her. He may then call her in for some spurious reason like a check up.

I wouldnt wait too long to act in one way or another.

[bigoldbird]

I think the reason she is reluctant to take the new meds, is that she feels they don't work. She hasn't given them a chance. I have told her she feels so bad because she has no meds in her system at all at the moment. She says the new ones don't work, but she only took them for a few days. I have tried to explain that they will take a few weeks to kick in, but when she is like this it is so difficult to talk to her.

She is in fact a bit better now and more reasonable to talk to. I hope it was just a particularly bad day on Monday. One of the difficulties we have is that she is away at university and is going back at the weekend.

I have tried to convince her to talk to her doctor again and while she is happy enough to talk to him she gets very wound up about getting through the receptionists. Her surgery operates a system where you get given the next available appointment with whichever doctor is free. I have told her she needs to be very assertive and if necessary tell them why she needs to see the same one each time but she doesn't see why she should tell the receptionist the problem, and to a certain extent I agree, but if that is the only way that is what she must do,

I don't get angry to her face, because I know from experience that she will shut down and refuse to communicate with me at all for days. It is so frustrating. All I want is for her to be happy, and she makes it so difficult.

Ah well, no one ever said being a parent was easy. Now she is a bit better I feel better - till next time.

Thank you for your thoughts.

[LastingLight]

Can she arrange counselling through uni?

[rabbitrisen]

I am glad that she is feeling a bit better.
No, parenting teens, particularly when they are away a lot, is definitely not easy! know the feeling, got one myself. There is not time enough for them to unburden.
Have arranged with mine that she is to ring to email once a week, and I am to ring or email her once a week too. Even if all I talk is rubbish!

[rabbitrisen]

or not to

[bigoldbird]

Thank you for all your thoughts.

She has had loads of counselling over the years. What she wants is for the way she is feeling to stop, but I really don't think it will unless she gives the drugs a go.

Anyway, I delivered her to uni at the weekend and she had a good evening with her friends on Sunday, and seems to be fairly stable today. I just hope she will do as I asked and take the medicine and fix a doctor's appointment. I am now 380 miles away, so can have limited impact.

Thanks for letting me offload my fears and anxieties somewhere safe and non-judgemental.