What do you do when struggling

[GracieLoo]

If you can't function or do anything apart from lie on the bed crying, wishing you weren't here but not actively suicidal tonight, what do you do if there's no one to speak to and distractions aren't working, but you're feeling so desperate and scared of how out of control you're feeling?

[SnowyMouse]

You can still talk to the samaritans, Gracie

[spinnergeologist]

come and talk to us.

also for me concentrating on breathing and drift. Once I'm completely detached from it all its easier to come back a bit calmer.

[GracieLoo]

I keep calming myself down, but then the tears start again and my chest and head start hurting. I'm falling apart and going through one of the hardest times ever, but as my cpn said today, it's my own doing. Actually hate her right now, I've felt worse since seeing her and I want to discharge myself from cmht. But maybe deep down I know she's right, it's all my fault.

[Quitelikely]

What is your fault? Has something happened?

[MrsMellowMellons]

passes nice hot cuppa what is it Gracieloo ... I will listen xxx

[iamjeniam]

Are you there Gracie? Come and talk to us. We can listen to you. Maybe we can't make it better but we can be with you. Xxxx

[GracieLoo]

I'm on my own, pregnant with dc2, unplanned but I've had mixed reactions. I've struggled with mh, wanting to end it at times. So I feel I've got to have a termination as my cpn is already concerned for the baby, and doesn't think I'll cope so thinks it'll be selfish to go ahead with it. She's also concerned for my mh if I have the termination, but I got myself into this situation so it's my fault. I've also got to stop relying on others so much. I don't rely on anyone, I find it hard to talk to anyone and only use the proffessionals when I'm struggling

[SilverStars]

You do what is best for you and the father of the child.

[SnowyMouse]

Thinking of you, Gracie

[GracieLoo]

Everything's making me feel so sad, sat here crying again, feeling lonely. I hate the system my cmht has for wkends, I know they can't have everyone ringing out of hours, but it would help so much if I could ring and speak to a support worker who has my notes. I use Samaritans but it's not the same, and I can't open up to family and friends. I can feel myself feeling more desperate when I'm bottling it up.

[GracieLoo]

I've texted Samaritans as it's so quiet here and I feel like I'm going mad. I don't even know why I'm crying, I feel like I'm losing it when I can't stop crying and start thinking bad thoughts.

[rabbitrisen]

You dont really rely on anyone, which is very difficult for you.

Talk on here.

[GracieLoo]

I get to a point when I'm so low, crying so much I feel sick and I feel I'm not in control of my emotions and thoughts, that I would happily be admitted for a break and to be somewhere safe. The rest of the time the thought of that scares me.

The Samaritans have replied, it helps a bit but I hate not knowing who I'm 'talking to'. But it feels ok opening up to strangers here

If I wasn't pregnant I would feel I could ask for help and say how low I feel, but I feel I can't as it feels too shameful.

[smartypants1000]

Gracie, I've replied to your post on the other board - you have nothing to be ashamed of, and being pregnant it is more important than ever that your illness is properly treated. I know you want to give yourself the best chance of having a healthy pregnancy and after the birth. Prove that b*tch wrong, you show her that you're taking responsibility for your health by seeking treatment and being honest, focus on you and your baby and not on the words of this person who clearly has no idea what it is like to feel like you're feeling now.

[GracieLoo]

Thank you, I really hoped someone would reply and I take on board what you're saying. She hasn't been my mh worker for long, I've had so many changes. I like her, but found the last few appts very hard, I haven't been able to talk to her then I drive home sobbing.

She wasn't great when I was in crisis a while ago, telling me I couldn't have support every wkend as it's not a proper crisis, when I'd been suicidal and acted on it. This was a big low that wasn't too long ago and I understand her concerns, but I didn't do it on purpose and I'm terrified I'm heading back that way.

This wkend is dragging, my eyes are sore and I feel sick for crying so much.

[rabbitrisen]

I will pray that you get regular reliable support.

[TheVictorian]

Could you keep a journal about how you feel ect and see if that helps ?

[SilverStars]

Hi if you are struggling and it is not in office hours just take yourself t the nearest out of hours, walk in clinic, minor injururies or A and E and tell them you cannot cope without intervention and you are pregnant. You may find that works!! Or tell your MH team worker that you are suicidal and need extra intervention whenever that is ( obv need to tell them before a weekend).

You may get your care moved over to a peri natal mental health team, but many areas do not accept people under a PN MH team if you already have pre-existing issues ( my area for eg has a PN team but not for anyone who has MH issues).

If your cc thinks you are struggling can you ask for extra support - think about what support you want and ask specifically for it. It may not be sourced from a MH team, may involve other parts of the health service to get it? Also maybe see if family can offer more support with caring for your dd if you need it?