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Worried DH is having a breakdown/our family is going to go into meltdown

(9 Posts)
deepinthedoodoo Mon 24-Mar-14 14:01:25

I've posted this in chat too. My DH is extremely stressed. He is naturally quite highly strung but nonetheless, he's in such a state at the moment. I'm trying my best to stay positive but am also starting to feel a bit down.

What do I do? I'm a sahm and part time student. Our DC are obviously totally reliant on us. DH is stuck in a job he abhors due to financial obligations. He went on an interview recently and got offered the job! BUT, his wages would be paid at an hourly rate rather than salaried and it's four weekly pay rather than per calendar month and we just won't be able to keep our heads afloat with that sort of uncertainty/randomness.

I'm looking for a job, but with no support network, the cost of childcare being so expensive and DH's hectic working pattern, it's proving to be futile.

DH is at breaking point. He's been working double his contracted hours and has sometimes 8-10 days between days off. DC1 will be in primary this year. I'm hoping DH can hang on till then or it will be disaster for all of us.

I feel so worried about the future, especially for the DC, and I have to admit that I now regret having a 2nd DC, as there is just so much pressure on DH to 'provide'. I would have been back at work if we'd stayed with having one DC. I feel so guilty for feeling this way.

I don't expect any sympathy, maybe I just needed to put this out there to hopefully get another perspective on things. Thanks for reading

BillyBanter Mon 24-Mar-14 14:08:26

What are the financial obligations? Is there definitely no wriggle room?

Sorry you are both struggling.

apermanentheadache Mon 24-Mar-14 14:15:55

Oh no, sounds stressful sad

Could you suspend your studies while your DP gets back on an even keel? I can't help but think that having him hang on until September is not a good way to go. Has he approached his employer about the awful working conditions??

I dont see the issue with hourly/four weekly pay. Surely he will be contracted set hours?

Better to have that than be in a job that os clearly making him on edge.

Let him take the new job. His health is the most important thing. If he has a breakdown due to his old job you could be a lot worse off then if he can't work.
Could you get an evening job once he is home?
Can you make things? I am a childminder during the day (so no childcare costs) and in the evenings once they are asleep I make birthdays cakes which I do 2/3 times a week. It pays the bills and I don't have to farm the kids out!

tobiasfunke Mon 24-Mar-14 14:24:15

Your DH's mental health should be the primary concern at the moment. If he is that stressed it can be a short step to a nervous breakdown and it is a long long way back from there. Then you will all find yourselves in a worse position. He should go to his GP and seek help including getting himself signed off work.
I'm sorry you find yourself in this awful situation.

deepinthedoodoo Mon 24-Mar-14 14:44:48

DH works a mixture of early, late and split shifts and week ends due to the nature of his work. He is currently working double shifts - 12-14 hours per day. There is no way he can lower his hours. There is no way I can work on his days off as they're random. I think it's immoral (never mind illegal!) that he is being made to work such ridiculous hours.

I don't think DH's work gives a toss about the morale of their staff tbh. It makes me sick how some people do minimal work but get paid shedloads, but DH has a professional job where he works his butt off and truly deserves to be paid at least double of what he's getting for the effort he puts in.

You are right, tobias, DH's MH does come first. He's off on Wednesday after an 8 day stint, so we'll talk about where we can go to from here.

4 weekly pay would put us majorly into overdraft and credit card debt. We do not have an emergency fund, however are working on that one. We do get child tax credits - it's not nearly enough to pay the bills and put food on the table though. My studies are minimal and I'm only doing it so I get a (better) job which will pay more and thus contribute financially to our family and take some stress off DH.

Thanks for all of your replies.

NewJobNewLife Mon 24-Mar-14 14:52:10

Why would four-weekly pay change anything. If the total salary would be the same over a year, it would just come in 13 lumps instead of 12?

Also, if he's currently salaried but working longer hours than contracted, he is effectively working for free during the extra hours. If he was on an hourly rate he would either work the contracted hours, or be paid for the extra. I think this sounds better than your current situation.

Am I missing something?

BillyBanter Mon 24-Mar-14 16:38:24

The bit where you swap jobs can mean a gap in income but, agree, that 4 weekly pay should actually be a bit of a boon. You get a whole wage packet where you don't have to pay rent etc.

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