So lonely with depression

[Madcat22]

DC2 is 12 weeks old and I'm sinking into depression again after having had PND after DC1. So lonely and unhappy - major feature is insomnia so am hoping for some responses to cheer me up late in the night. I want to go back on ADs but need to wean EBF baby first - absolutely not going to take them and BF despite what some people say, the GP agrees as even 'safe' options give the baby a trace, and the one which works for me is definitely not a safe one. Maybe a bad mother but BF is not more important than me being able to interact properly wih my kids and retain my sanity (have been suicidal in last - not an option wih kids). Am stressing she will refuse the bottle. DH starting tomorrow to give her a bottle. He is always away with work, I have no family near by and am so isolated.

[SilverStars]

Hi, agree doing what is right for you is best regarding milk and ad's.

You say you are lonely, not sleeping well, have no family nearby and are isolated. Do you think those factors are contributing to how you feel with a young baby? Is there anything you could do to help as well as take ad's? Have you told your HV those facts: isolated, no family and lonely?

I only ask because I was the same. Was struggling with first child, no family, few friends and those I had worked f-t, very isolated. A HV said yes I may have pnd but whether I was or not the factors I told her were significant factors ( lack of sleep my main one) and until I changed those factors or addressed them I would stay the same. So I stopped doing so much housework and went to bed earlier. I forced myself out to baby groups ( had a car), free ones, cheap ones at church halls and a paid class once a week. Took time but just talking to other mums helped me realise that much of how I personally was feeling was quite normal; that made it less scary. Then I got a routine for each day sorted. Had to get out of house each day - even if to library. Those factors made me feel less isolated, even if no real chats etc.

Just sharing what helped me. Know that not the case for everyone.

[LastingLight]

Of course you're not a bad mom for making this decision! You're quite right that your mh trumps bf. You've beaten this before and you can beat it again. Good luck with the weaning.