How do you 'let it all out'?

[Katkins1]

Have posted here before- usually get really good advice. I've struggled with PTSD and bereavement (lost my Grandfather in Jan, had PTSD way before).

Was in a really dark place, suicidal, self-harming, crying all of the time. Saying horrible thoughts about myself out loud. Didn't go out for days on end. Got in to a huge mess with my finances, the house everything.I am slowly coming out of it, good days and bad days. My friends are helping as I'm in the last year of my degree- finish in May. GP said get counselling, I'm looking for trauma specialists, I have a long history of abuse and neglect.

This week, I told my tutors how I'd been feeling. They were lovely and arranged a 3 week extension on my biggest project, because I'd messed up a little bit and need the extra time. Other 2 are to be handed in on time, both first week of May. I'm working flat out doing all of the reading for it etc.- not sure if I will manage it.

I'm still feeling really fragile, good days and bad days. It's really hard, and feel overwhelmed with housework, DD etc. (am a single Mum). I feel really tearful a lot, and I don't know how to handle it.

I'm not great at dealing with my emotions, talking them out or just... getting them out. I suppose I am asking, is there a 'healthy' way to do it, rather than letting things get to you? I do cry a lot, but it never feels healthy, always a bit reactionary and because I get overwhelmed.

Is there a way to deal with stuff that doesn't end up in horrible tears, or I guess a 'good' way to cry?

It sounds such a silly question! I think it's about working through things.

[JeanSeberg]

Things that have helped me over the years:

• CBT
  

• jigsaw/crossword/puzzle - to switch off the ruminating that drives you mad
  

• joining a walking club (appreciate it may not be possible at the current time)
  

• forcing myself out to an exercise group, something quite demanding eg spinning
  

• getting out each day, whatever the purpose
  

• inviting people round so you have to make the effort
  

You sound like you're doing really well, best of luck with everything.

[AngryFeet]

I wish I knew. This is the thing I struggle most with and it reveals itself as terrible anxiety which I am having a spate of right now. A good cry helps as does bashing the shit out of a pillow with a baseball bat!

[Katkins1]

Those are good suggestions, Jeansberg. Really practical things- I'm never quite sure about what to do with myself when I get down. Have been feeling really tearful all day, on and off. I don't know what to do really!

Angry feet, yes it's quite a battle isn't it? I usually just cry when I get anxiety.

[LastingLight]

Some people say it helps to write it all down. This has helped me in one instance where I wanted to deal with something and put it behind me. I wrote down all my feelings on this matter, then I ripped the paper into tiny bits and flushed them down the toilet.

I have sat in my car in the garage and screamed until I was hoarse. This doesn't really make me feel any better but does get rid of some of the pent up emotion. (Mine tends to be anger rather than sadness.)

A bit of exercise is always good.

When you're feeling ok, make a list of all the good things about yourself. From what you've written on here the list should include that you have risen above very difficult circumstances, you are a survivor, you care for your dd well, you ask for help when you need it, you are an awesome student (your tutor said so)... Then when things go pear shaped, refer to your list and that email your tutor wrote.

I second beating a pillow although I use my fist (don't own a baseball bat!)

I'm so glad you got an extension for your project. Just go all out with the others and it will be fine. Don't make the mistake I always make... I get too bogged down in the reading and don't start on the writing early enough. Good luck!

[AugustRose]

I think it sounds like you already doing a good job of working things through but I know I found writing very helpful. After a bereavement 4 years ago I wrote pages and pages of how I felt about what had happened, how I felt about myself and other people. But sometimes it was just a few words and as time went on I didn't need to write as much.

Getting outside if you can, even just for a short time to clear you head. And crying can be good, it can hurt at the time and I found sometimes completely worn out by it but in a good way, like for that day I had cried it all out.

Sometimes it is hard to accept that we have limitations, but accepting it is a start to improving, a little bit at a time.

Good luck with all that you do.

[Katkins1]

Writing it down is a good idea. One of my projects is to write a piece- so a lot of my own thoughts have gone in to that. But I keep thinking its really, really wrong, so I will have to re-draft it again and again.

I'm already writing up some of them, but always, always just thinking I am not good enough...

[JeanSeberg]

Could you join a writing group? Or evening class? Kill too birds with one stone?

[Katkins1]

I'm a writer have been one for almost 10 years he he. I run workshops, have had plays put on and stuff in the past. Put like that.... It's probably my depression talking.

[FiveExclamations]

Mt CBT counselor actually suggested that I get a punch bag or something similar because I struggle to connect to my emotions, I'd always get very rational and clinical whenever I talked about something upsetting and if I couldn't maintain that I'd choke and freeze.

I am hugely better, but I still struggle to express strong emotions, punching things does help, like others my pillow takes a bit of punishment, it seems to lead to a cathartic cry rather that a makes you feel worse cry if you know what I mean.

All the other practical suggestions, exercise, focusing on positives afterwards etc are good too.

[Katkins1]

I understand that about the feeling worse crying, I think that can be symptomatic of depression, crying and not feeling better. Although that has been my default setting for a good few months, and I've deadlines looming very soon.. well May. I just hope I haven't wasted my time so far. I've been working so hard, and there's such a long way to go- still!